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  • 2 Post By Stepmom2Be
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  #1  
October 21st, 2013, 10:34 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,199
Well, BM called Dh tonight and told him she's going in to rehab tomorrow. We are at almost a month after she originally told us she was going in. This Thursday would have marked 4 weeks. (She had told us it was a 1-4 week waiting list.)

I texted her and had her come to practice tonight a little early to spend some time with him. I gave them a few minutes after practice too. She kept asking him if he was sad, and reminding him she wouldn't see him for a month. His response was basically, "Aw that sucks." But no tears or anything like that. She came over to talk to me about how if he ever feels like he wants to go to her apartment to get a toy or spend time with the cats, we are more than welcome to take him. He hasn't been there in a month though. When she came over to talk to me, he said, "Before you guys talk, mom, you have to promise me that you aren't going to argue with Jennifer." It was a little awkward. She was like, "Oh of course not honey!" And then O grabbed on to me, and was like, "MYYYYY stepmom!" It was interesting to see that he was clinging onto me, and not her, when he just found out he won't see her for a month.

I'm sure she's feeling down about the whole thing. O has been doing amazing through all of this. We are not pressing him to talk about anything. His emotional outbursts have subsided considerably. He is getting a green star at school every day since the day after he found out he'd be living with us full time. I don't think any of these are coincidences. O thrives on consistency and discipline. We don't just give him whatever he wants, but we do make sure he knows how loved he is. We have family game nights every Sunday night. Family dinner every Fri, Sat and Sun. We all snuggle up in his bed and read a chapter of a story every night. For the first time in his life he has a mom and a dad who love him and don't fight all living under the same roof. (He did have this 2 years ago, but he was young, and ripped away from his mother whom he'd been with every Mon-Fri prior to that. He has handled going from every other week with us to EVERY week with us beautifully.)

I do hope that she betters herself in there. I do hope she stops blaming everyone for her mistakes. I do hope she realizes that we are not trying to be malicious and take O away from her. We want her to be able to have a relationship with him. But as of right now, their relationship is extremely damaged. And he doesn't take her seriously enough to parent him.

What he needs, and what he wants, is for when his mom gets out, for him to continue living with us full time, and having visits with her.

On December 3rd, we are going to be very smart about the way we approach this. Eric is going to explain to the judge that history has proven to repeat itself. We don't want to go through this every two years. WE are the ones that would make sure to encourage a relationship between O and BM. But he is too angry with her right now to allow her to parent him. HE feels like the responsible one of the two. DH is also going to express to the judge that we cannot just throw him back into a week on/week off lifestyle. If anything, it needs to be gradual. And we strongly believe that once she gets out, at least for a while, we need to continue with just visits to let them mend their relationship. One straight week where he gets maybe 5 quality hours with her just shows him how much she is able to let him down. If we set up a visitation schedule every week and she had a couple hours every few days, he would end up cherishing that time, and their relationship would grow.

Eric and I made a pact. 2 weeks. 2 weeks of not letting any of this bother us. 2 weeks is the length of time where she is not allowed to have any contact with the outside world. 2 weeks is the length of time we don't have to deal with her. 2 weeks of sanity, hopefully.

And then the following 2 weeks she can have phone calls and visitors. We will continue the phone calls twice a week, but we have decided we will not be bringing him to see her. It's not the kind of environment he needs to be in AGAIN. They can talk on the phone. DH is very adamant that she needs to learn her lesson. Last time everyone jumped through hoops to make sure she was happy and got to see him whenever she wanted. Not this time. This time, she is going to see what happens when you don't put your child as your number 1 priority. And hopefully, this time, she will learn.
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  #2  
October 22nd, 2013, 08:40 AM
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I'm so glad O is doing better in school! Enjoy your 2 weeks! And I agree there should be supervised visits and 1st and then increasing visits over time.
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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #3  
October 22nd, 2013, 10:12 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well he got a green in school today. No emotional outbursts. He was a little attitudish when I told him he had to get off his tablet and do HW, but we were at my parents house. And grandma usually gives him what he wants

I checked his phone this afternoon, and this is what I saw from his mom.

8:26 AM: Good morning, sweetheart. Or should I say good afternoon? Sorry I missed u this morning. I'm sitting the Maverick house with grandma right now. They're gonna look thru all my stuff before putting me in a room lol

8:29 AM: I wanted to let u know that I will be thinking of u, I will be praying for u, I miss u like crazy, & I love u googleplex! I hope to see u in a couple Saturdays for family time keep an eye out for those letters Go Zombies!!!

8:31 AM: Day 28 and counting down....


I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that she is basically texting him like they're friends and telling him how they are basically patting her down before they admit her. He doesn't need to know how strict the program is. He doesn't need to be exposed to all of this. Mom made a mistake and she's going to be gone for a month to help her fix it. The way she tries to pile on the guilt is disgusting. The way she tries to make him sad that she will be gone is ridiculous. He hasn't shown any emotion about her going in. He's pissed at her that she made this choice. He loves her, and I am sure he will miss her, but right now. he's too busy being mad to be crying about the fact that she's gone for a while.

She needs to realize he isn't attached to her hip anymore and is quite independent and isn't going to be crying every day that she's gone.
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  #4  
October 25th, 2013, 09:01 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Wow no I don't feel its okay for her to be talking to her 8 year old like her friend, her adult friend at that. Poor little guy...
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  #5  
October 26th, 2013, 12:43 PM
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Yeah that is totally not ok. An 8 year old doesn't need to know the inner workings of rehab
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My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #6  
October 26th, 2013, 04:13 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,199
So we dropped him off just now at his grandparents for the night.

BM's brother came out.

He said he just wanted to extend his support to us. He said he's going through the same thing, he has custody of his two kids and he wants to know if we would be okay with getting Owen together with them. (Owen's cousin is 4 months younger than him.) We said absolutely. I told him it was never our intention on keeping Owen from any of them, but he was going through a lot and we were just trying to get past the initial shock of it all.

Then BM's dad came out and was nice with us too.

I think they're trying. They see that we aren't mean people. They see that Owen is our number one priority. Eric flat out told BM's brother, "I dont want this same thing happening every 2 years so yeah it might seem like I'm going pretty hard on her." His reply? "Good. Someone needs to."

So yeah. Things are pretty okay right now.
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Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to OwenPregnant with our first together <3 Due July 12, 2015
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  #7  
October 28th, 2013, 08:18 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I'm glad things are okay right now I'm sorry that she was texting him like that. I feel like she needs to focus on truly getting herself better right now, and let him just be settled. It also sounds to me like she is already trying to guilt him into coming to see her as soon as possible, regardless of if that is best for him or not. I wish she would try to do what is best for him, and not what is best for her for once.

That said, I'm glad her family, and her brother especially, are being supportive of you guys.
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  #8  
October 28th, 2013, 03:46 PM
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I'm glad her family is coming around! So much better for O to have his extended family and for you guys not to have to fight them too!
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Kris

My 2 miracles: Lucinda & Noah
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  #9  
October 30th, 2013, 06:22 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 1,199
Yeah.

Its been so quiet lately! I love it!

Owen is on a month and 3 days straight of all perfect days at school, too. His counselor says she doesnt see a need for him to continue. We know a lot of this could change once she't out. But it's really good for our case just how well he is doing in the meantime
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