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I am so concerned for SO's oldest


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  #1  
December 8th, 2013, 11:17 PM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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A few days ago SO's ex called him to tell him that his oldest was in a really bad place. Aidan is 12 and has a form of Autism. He is an extremely bright kid academically as a lot of people, not just children with autism. So she called to tell him that Aidan got upset and hit her. She sent him to his room which she often does and he went in and somehow shattered his bedroom window than put two holes in his wall by throwing something at it. All while saying he wants to die and he wished he wasn't alive. SO said he hasn't acted out like this in a long time. Not to this degree. I know he get frustrated. Change is so hard for him. When he is here with us we talk to him and talk him through what is giving him anxiety as best as we can. His ex took it upon herself to take him off his medication. Why she would do that is beyond me but he does need it to control his anxiety and depression. She said that she will put him back on it but I want to know why she thought she knew better and took him off it in the first place. I asked SO why she would do that and he just said I don't know. I do hope she does what she said and puts him back on what he needs but I also am so concerned at what is going on there that he feels like that when he is there. It is so hard because when he is here is is constantly asking how many hours until he goes home and will ask am I going to make it home. Autism is a totally new ball park for me. So it is hard to know how much to be concerned and how much is "normal" for him. Anyone else have and experience with it?
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Last edited by meant2bemommie; December 9th, 2013 at 08:52 PM.
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  #2  
December 9th, 2013, 11:19 AM
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I don't have experience, but that is such a sad situation.. sending you hugs.
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  #3  
December 10th, 2013, 10:28 AM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thank you.

I keep asking So how Aidan is doing and he says fine. He hasn't had any more episodes like that. I just wish I knew what went on that makes him have them.
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  #4  
December 10th, 2013, 10:32 AM
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I have no experience either. The only thing I would suggest is reaching out to a doctor or autism specialist. Perhaps there is therapy or medication that will help him.
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  #5  
December 10th, 2013, 11:12 AM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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SO said that he use to go to one. I told him it looks like he needs to go back. He is 12, and recent revelations makes me believe that he is going through puberty. I think the change in hormones could be a guiding factor as well. SO agrees and didn't even think of that.
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  #6  
December 10th, 2013, 12:53 PM
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Robert, Jonah's son is Autistic. We had to have his meds adjusted during puberty. We have had some episodes that you describe, mostly occurring at his mom's. There is no way should he come off his meds cold turkey. It needs to be supervised by a physician. These meds can cause some nasty side effects if just stoped. They are controlled substances so he is dependent on him. Detox alone can cause what you describe.

What concerns me the most are the suicidal thoughts. I am going to ask some very specific questions for you because I have been there with Robert.

Why does he want to commit suicide?

Is he suicidial on his meds or off his meds?

If you want to share what meds he is on, I will see what I can find on stopping cold turkey. We were given very specific instructions to not stop all at once.

There is help out there for this. Your answers will help me work with you.
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  #7  
December 10th, 2013, 02:50 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The kids I worked with before I got hurt were kids with social and emotional disabilities.

I would say the cold turkey cut off of the meds is what caused a lot of his anger issues.

We had a kid, the kid who hurt me actually. When he would get into a manic episode, he would attack us, and himself. He would slam his head on the floor. He would bit himself. He would grab his head and try to break his own neck. Once he came out of these episodes, he would literally have to ask us what he did. He would point to a bruise on his arm and say, "What happened?" And we'd have to tell him that he tried to hurt himself. He never understood what he was doing as he was doing it.

I can't say for sure, but it could be that he didn't know what he was doing or saying, just acting in the moment.

Kind of like when you get really pissed and throw your phone at the wall, and then wonder why you did it.
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  #8  
December 10th, 2013, 09:43 PM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pmdc5286 View Post
What concerns me the most are the suicidal thoughts. I am going to ask some very specific questions for you because I have been there with Robert.

Why does he want to commit suicide?

Is he suicidial on his meds or off his meds?

If you want to share what meds he is on, I will see what I can find on stopping cold turkey. We were given very specific instructions to not stop all at once.

There is help out there for this. Your answers will help me work with you.
I have never heard him say that he wanted to so I can't say exactly what is happening when he says it to his BM. If we have a long drive or he has a long time to wait for something to happen he will ask "Will I make it", " I won't die before I get there", "This won't kill me". He has asked me these questions and I always tell him he will make it. There is no reason he wouldn't, he is safe with us and we wouldn't let anything happen to him.

I have no idea how long he has been off his meds and apparently SO doesn't either. Which concerns me as well, he should know these things. I expect him to know these things. The thing is when he is with us he is a different child. Yes, he has anxiety but he talks to us and lets us help him work through it sometimes with more tears than others. SO is very good with him.

SO told me what medication he should be on and for the life of me I can not remember. I want to say that it started with an L and it is an anti-depressant. I will find out what it is. He should have it the next time he comes here I am assuming.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
The kids I worked with before I got hurt were kids with social and emotional disabilities.

I would say the cold turkey cut off of the meds is what caused a lot of his anger issues.

We had a kid, the kid who hurt me actually. When he would get into a manic episode, he would attack us, and himself. He would slam his head on the floor. He would bit himself. He would grab his head and try to break his own neck. Once he came out of these episodes, he would literally have to ask us what he did. He would point to a bruise on his arm and say, "What happened?" And we'd have to tell him that he tried to hurt himself. He never understood what he was doing as he was doing it.

I can't say for sure, but it could be that he didn't know what he was doing or saying, just acting in the moment.

Kind of like when you get really pissed and throw your phone at the wall, and then wonder why you did it.
Aidan hasn't hurt himself (that I know of), he actually fears pain so I don't think he would hurt himself but when he gets mad he is destructive. SO said that he has put holes in the wall before and he made him patch it up (with his supervision) and re-paint it to teach him their are consequences for actions like that. He wasn't there this time to do that so I am not sure how BM handled it.
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  #9  
December 11th, 2013, 09:46 AM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I found out that it is Abilify.

On the little research that I have done it doesn't seem like something a child should be on? I have more questions than answers now.
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  #10  
December 11th, 2013, 04:16 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hmm. I read up on it just a little and it says they are using it a lot to treat kids with autism.

But it also warns of aggressive or anxious behavior as side effects...
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  #11  
December 11th, 2013, 04:38 PM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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He definitely has aggression and anxious behavior without a doubt. But was it due to not being on the medication? or because of the medication?
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  #12  
December 11th, 2013, 07:52 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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That's a tough one. I'm not sure. I hope everything works out for you guys.

Any word on how he's doing?
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  #13  
December 11th, 2013, 09:28 PM
meant2bemommie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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SO is with the boys now. This is his last week to have them during the week since his job transfer happens on Saturday. He took them out to dinner and then to awanas. I just asked him how Aidan was doing and apparently he is fine. I think he is on edge talking to me about "what the boys do".
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