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  #1  
January 6th, 2014, 07:05 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So a few days ago, we emailed BM and asked her for her attorneys contact information. We did not receive a reply. We sat down with our lawyer today and filled out all our paperwork and signed our entire savings over to him, basically, lol.

She finally emailed us back.

Quote:
Eric,

Your email indicates that you have obtained counsel. If this is the case, you need no longer communicate directly with me. You can have your attorney contact me directly and provide me with his/her notice of appearance. I will communicate any necessary information regarding counsel directly to your attorney.

BM
I don't think she has a lawyer. Which is odd, because she told us and the judge she was getting one. Apparently her brothers girlfriend works for a law firm, and it's the same lawyer her brother used to get full custody of his kids against HIS alcoholic ex. But this is also the same brother of hers that specifically did not invite her to his sons birthday party this past weekend. He made it a point to tell us she wasn't welcome. So it seems there may have been a falling out and the brother no longer wants his lawyer to help her. Oh well.

All in all the meeting went amazingly. He said we have a slam dunk case for full physical. He said legal might be a little trickier, but then when I showed him all the proof we have of her poor decisions, (Self diagnosing him with everything under the sun, not taking him to the dentist in 4 years, not taking him to the doctor in 2, disagreeing with us taking him to the ER, not having him complete HW while in her care, etc,) he said full legal should be no problem either.

We are cautiously optimistic.
AtomicMama and mom2more like this.
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  #2  
January 6th, 2014, 09:11 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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i'm hoping it's a slam dunk all around.
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  #3  
January 6th, 2014, 10:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
i'm hoping it's a slam dunk all around.
Thanks.

We talked to Owen last night. He is, as we expected him to, beginning to forgive her. He has expressed a desire to spend more than 3 hours a week with her. This is also due to the fact that she does not contact him at all during the week, and soccer has not been in session for the last month. I'm sure he's missing her.

However, we spoke with our lawyer about the possibility of a midweek dinner at her parents house, and he advised us, at least for right now, against it.

He said, the judge gave her 3 hours a week for a reason. And she isn't even utilizing it. I know that it's hard because Owen has mentioned he'd like it, but see how it goes when soccer starts back up again and he sees her more consistently. If you give her more time now it's just going to hurt our case that he should be with you guys full time.

Let me add that once we do, (If we win,) have Owen full time.. at any point that he expresses that he misses her or wants to spend more time with her, at that point it will be up to us, and it's something we will allow. There's just too much riding on our actions right now.

It may not SEEM like it's in Owen's best interest to deny him extra time right now, but overall, in the long run, it will be.

Eric and BM have their parenting conference tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.
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  #4  
January 7th, 2014, 06:54 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Oh boy. Well, I suppose she can talk directly to your attorney then, which is really her only option if she doesn't have her own and doesn't want to talk to y'all. Tell your attorney to have fun with that.

I agree that this is pretty open and shut. I think it sounds like you have a great strategy and great counsel. I hope this is all over quickly and easily for you.
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  #5  
January 7th, 2014, 10:09 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Oh boy. Well, I suppose she can talk directly to your attorney then, which is really her only option if she doesn't have her own and doesn't want to talk to y'all. Tell your attorney to have fun with that.

I agree that this is pretty open and shut. I think it sounds like you have a great strategy and great counsel. I hope this is all over quickly and easily for you.
It was pretty obvious when she said that she can give any necessary information regarding counsel directly to our attorney. That basically means, "I dont want to tell YOU, but I will tell your lawyer because I have to that I dont have a lawyer of my own."

Erics mom thinks BM is in the beginning stages of realizing how much she screwed herself over and is starting to give up.

Eric and I were just talking last night. ALL this woman had to do was stay in rehab for 3 more days and show up on time to visitations. We wouldn't have nearly the slam dunk case we have now.
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  #6  
January 7th, 2014, 10:58 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Erics mom thinks BM is in the beginning stages of realizing how much she screwed herself over and is starting to give up.

Eric and I were just talking last night. ALL this woman had to do was stay in rehab for 3 more days and show up on time to visitations. We wouldn't have nearly the slam dunk case we have now.
Isn't that the very nature of addiction? It doesn't follow logic.

Putting aside all of my anger at this woman for what she says and does to her only child on a regular basis... I truly hope that this can be the start of her turning things around for real. I hope that she loses and it forces her to hit a bottom that she can't point fingers or self-diagnose or play victim or use any of her other normal tactics to skirt responsibility for, and I hope that she makes the choice to accept real help and commit to recovery.
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  #7  
January 7th, 2014, 11:14 AM
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I'm glad the lawyer has given you such a positive outlook! Yay! I do agree that you don't want to do anything that will jeopardize the trial during this time as hard as it might be for O. BTDT and in the long run it was the best thing.
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  #8  
January 7th, 2014, 03:25 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The parenting conference went exceptionally well.

A few facts to point out.

1. BM did not leave rehab voluntarily. She was KICKED OUT for writing letters back and forth with a guy instead of focusing on her recovery. To date, BM has not yet completed a rehab program.

2. BM brought up the fact that Owen received a bebe gun from my brother for Christmas. It is a cheap, $20 bebe gun from WalMart. She argued that we should not have allowed him to have a weapon so soon after his outburst with BM with the knife. To be clear, the episode with the knife happened over 3 months prior to Owen receiving the bebe gun for Christmas, and well before Owen completed counseling and was cleared as being completely fine. Still, the counselor did not like the fact that we allowed him to be given a weapon after that incident.

3. BM tried to claim she will be late continuously due to her ADD. The counselor seemed to sympathize with this, until Eric brought up that if she is going to be continuously late, that is a conversation she needs to have with Owen, as we raise Owen to always be on time or early.

4. The counselor at many times had to stop and ask BM if she was listening to herself speak. At many times, BM continued to damage her case even more than it had been before.

5. BM continuously shouted over both Eric and the counselor, and interrupted them on numerous occasions.

6. At the end of the conference, BM actually asked, "So do I still only get to see Owen for 3 hours a week?" She did not understand that the counselor has no say in visitation time.

7. The counselor said that while she cannot predict what she is going to write because she doesn't know what she will say until she sits down to create the report, she did say that BM should not expect to have Owen for ANY unsupervised time for at least a while. She said that BM has a long way to go both in her own recovery and to fix her broken relationship with her son. She also recommended that BM and Owen attend counseling together, to try to help mend their relationship.

So yes, it went extremely well and we now feel even more confident that things will go our way. BM did tell Eric that she has not yet obtained counsel, and she may be retaining counsel soon.
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  #9  
January 7th, 2014, 04:39 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm glad that went well.


When is court again? a month from now?
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  #10  
January 7th, 2014, 05:07 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
I'm glad that went well.


When is court again? a month from now?
Court is on Feb 5th.

However, our lawyer filed for a continuance today so he can gather all the evidence and present a proper case.

We might keep it out of court, she may have realized today that she does not have a leg to stand on.
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  #11  
January 7th, 2014, 08:27 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I forgot to add. When Eric brought up that she got kicked out of rehab on 11/18 and didn't go to Owen's 2 soccer practices that week, or even call him until 11/21, the counselor asked her why. She said...


SHE WAS BUSY UNPACKING.

The counselor lowered her glasses, looked at BM, and said, "Do you realize that you just told me that unpacking a suitcase held a higher priority than seeing or speaking to your son whom you hadn't seen in a month?!"

This woman. She likes to hang herself.
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  #12  
January 8th, 2014, 08:32 AM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I don't even have words anymore. She's definitely making this easy, at least.
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  #13  
January 8th, 2014, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
I forgot to add. When Eric brought up that she got kicked out of rehab on 11/18 and didn't go to Owen's 2 soccer practices that week, or even call him until 11/21, the counselor asked her why. She said...


SHE WAS BUSY UNPACKING.

The counselor lowered her glasses, looked at BM, and said, "Do you realize that you just told me that unpacking a suitcase held a higher priority than seeing or speaking to your son whom you hadn't seen in a month?!"

This woman. She likes to hang herself.
This blows my mind! But I'm glad she said it in front of the counselor. I remember when my ex started to unravel publicly (he held it together in front of others for a while) and it was the best thing for my case. People started to see the person I was dealing with and realized that it wasn't me being vindictive.

Interesting that she was kicked out of rehab. That should definitely help your case!
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  #14  
January 8th, 2014, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I don't even have words anymore. She's definitely making this easy, at least.
Yeah she definitely made it clear that Owen is not her number one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
This blows my mind! But I'm glad she said it in front of the counselor. I remember when my ex started to unravel publicly (he held it together in front of others for a while) and it was the best thing for my case. People started to see the person I was dealing with and realized that it wasn't me being vindictive.

Interesting that she was kicked out of rehab. That should definitely help your case!
We're discussing what we want to offer as a settlement with our lawyer right now, and it's not much.

It's the best thing for our case because now BM finally has someone unbaised telling her how wrong she is.
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  #15  
January 8th, 2014, 10:28 PM
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DH just remembered this tidbit. Apparently the counselor asked her what she was drinking when she hit rock bottom this summer, (When she had Owen with her at her apartment.)

"Oh ya know.. I think I drank a total of two bottles of wine one night."

TWO

BOTTLES
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  #16  
January 8th, 2014, 10:59 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I've had two bottles of wine in one night :/
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  #17  
January 8th, 2014, 11:10 PM
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She just keeps digging herself so far down the hole it is crazy!! She is almost making this too easy. There are no words for a person like her. No understanding. It is so far gone.
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  #18  
January 9th, 2014, 07:35 AM
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She is a hot mess! What you and Eric are doing is the best thing you can for Owen.

No matter what she does or how bad she is Owen will always have a place for her in his heart because she is his mom. He will always hold onto the little bits of good things she has done because he wants to see the good in her.

I go through the same thing with my stepdaughter and her biological mom. Her mom hasn't seen her in almost 2 years and never calls her on her own. She only talks to my stepdaughter if she is with her own parents and they call my step kids. At times my stepdaughter hates her mom and at times she cries over missing her mom. At times she even reminisces over things her mom did with her like 10 years ago, before she started being a deadbeat mom.

Owen has a long road ahead of him with all of this.
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  #19  
January 9th, 2014, 11:47 AM
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2 bottles in 1 night When she was responsible for a child I'm speechless!
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  #20  
January 9th, 2014, 12:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
I've had two bottles of wine in one night :/
Oh I have had my fair share of drunken nights as well.

This was the night after Owen's birthday party, and when she finished one bottle (that she was sneaking into her room to drink) she told Owen she was gonna go get him some ice cream, left him home alone, came back without any ice cream, and continued to drink.

Quote:
Originally Posted by meant2bemommie View Post
She just keeps digging herself so far down the hole it is crazy!! She is almost making this too easy. There are no words for a person like her. No understanding. It is so far gone.
The worst part is that she thinks she is fine.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2more View Post
She is a hot mess! What you and Eric are doing is the best thing you can for Owen.

No matter what she does or how bad she is Owen will always have a place for her in his heart because she is his mom. He will always hold onto the little bits of good things she has done because he wants to see the good in her.

I go through the same thing with my stepdaughter and her biological mom. Her mom hasn't seen her in almost 2 years and never calls her on her own. She only talks to my stepdaughter if she is with her own parents and they call my step kids. At times my stepdaughter hates her mom and at times she cries over missing her mom. At times she even reminisces over things her mom did with her like 10 years ago, before she started being a deadbeat mom.

Owen has a long road ahead of him with all of this.
We are prepared for all of Owens mixed emotions about this. He is still mad at her, but happy to see her when they have visits. Eric and I just continue to encourage their relationship as it is now, healthy, short, and supervised.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
2 bottles in 1 night When she was responsible for a child I'm speechless!
Yeah tell me about it.
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