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  #21  
January 20th, 2014, 08:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
We have a feeling we will be able to sway her decision in this whole custody thing if we tell her we aren't interested in CS. Though our lawyer says we should ask for it.
Some of the things people say are laughable, like the present thing.

Noting paying CS was big part in my exH terminating his parental rights so I wouldn't discard using CS as leverage even if you don't want or need it.
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  #22  
January 20th, 2014, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Spottts View Post
Some of the things people say are laughable, like the present thing.

Noting paying CS was big part in my exH terminating his parental rights so I wouldn't discard using CS as leverage even if you don't want or need it.

Same here. In my state, I wasn't legally allowed to discard CS permanently - it's the right of the child to be supported by both parents according to the law. I was only able to wave it temporarily - which I did to get my ex to sign the divorce papers. When he took me to court 2 years later for unsupervised visits, I hit him with cs papers. I knew he didn't want to pay. So after a year, he moved out of state & gave up his parental rights. Life has been great ever since!
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  #23  
January 20th, 2014, 10:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Long story short BM called us yesterday 25 minutes before we were dropping Owen off at HER nephews birthday party. We allowed him to go to the party and she took her visitation time during it. She asked us if we bought her nephew a present. We said absolutely not as it is YOUR nephew. She had the audacity to say, "You have full custody so you are 100% financially responsible for him right now which includes buying presents. I'm not working so I'm broke."

We have a feeling we will be able to sway her decision in this whole custody thing if we tell her we aren't interested in CS. Though our lawyer says we should ask for it.
Ugh sounds like my ex. The 2nd Christmas after we split, he didn't have any money so I bought xmas presents for dd and gave them to him to give to her. He was mad that I didn't have time to wrap them before their supervised visit
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  #24  
January 20th, 2014, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spottts View Post
Some of the things people say are laughable, like the present thing.

Noting paying CS was big part in my exH terminating his parental rights so I wouldn't discard using CS as leverage even if you don't want or need it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Same here. In my state, I wasn't legally allowed to discard CS permanently - it's the right of the child to be supported by both parents according to the law. I was only able to wave it temporarily - which I did to get my ex to sign the divorce papers. When he took me to court 2 years later for unsupervised visits, I hit him with cs papers. I knew he didn't want to pay. So after a year, he moved out of state & gave up his parental rights. Life has been great ever since!
I don't think she will ever give up her parental rights. She tends to think she will be able to get Owen back 50% of the time in the end of all this.

I get that it's the right of the child to be supported by both, but DH is so pissed at her he doesn't want a dime. We'll probably keep pushing it off as much as we can, but I'm sure she'll end up having to pay something.

PS We are now at 13 days since she told DH, in front of the parenting counselor, "How soon can he and I start counseling? Oh right away? Okay I will set that up as soon as I get home and let you know what I schedule."
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  #25  
January 20th, 2014, 10:48 AM
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Not to get your hopes up but you just never know. My ex swore up & down that he'd never terminated his parental right but he did in the end. A long court battle wore him out.

I thought about this too - stalling was a tactic my lawyer & I used to wear my ex down. O's bm maybe using that tactic as well. Just be prepared. It's possible that she'll get an attorney at the last minute & then he/she will ask for a continuance because they didn't have time to prepare.
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  #26  
January 20th, 2014, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
PS We are now at 13 days since she told DH, in front of the parenting counselor, "How soon can he and I start counseling? Oh right away? Okay I will set that up as soon as I get home and let you know what I schedule."
That sounds like my ex too, says he'll do something immediately then I wouldn't hear back from him. Some excuse is what followed when I asked.

I don't know how to get multiple quotes in one message so I'll do another post.
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  #27  
January 20th, 2014, 11:49 AM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Not to get your hopes up but you just never know. My ex swore up & down that he'd never terminated his parental right but he did in the end.
Me, too. You just never know.

My ex was determined to have 50/50 but we compromised on 60/40, him being 40%. After he did that for about 2 years he wanted to terms changed again. It ended up 63/37 but he got one kid for taxes. There were a couple of things he wanted not related to time sharing. 5 months after the agreement (1 month after I was engaged) he told me to pick up the kids. They wanted to go home and he was letting them. He would sign adoption papers after my FI and I got married. Originally he had demands, but when it came down to it... He signed with no demands met.

Before, ExH had told the kids there were X amount people they could love. These people had to be "blood related." He had the kids, then ages 3,3 and 5 memorize this and the list of people to love. There were overflowing comments on how they were his life, his everything. 3 years later, he signed them over, completely his idea. I never suggested it.
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  #28  
January 20th, 2014, 12:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Not to get your hopes up but you just never know. My ex swore up & down that he'd never terminated his parental right but he did in the end. A long court battle wore him out.

I thought about this too - stalling was a tactic my lawyer & I used to wear my ex down. O's bm maybe using that tactic as well. Just be prepared. It's possible that she'll get an attorney at the last minute & then he/she will ask for a continuance because they didn't have time to prepare.
She actually emailed us and said that shes forwarding everything to this lawyer that might represent her pro bono. She actually said in the case he does, would we be okay with a continuance. We are going to fight that because she told the judge on dec 3 that she was gonna hire this guy. The trial is in 2 weeks and the paperwork specifically says that continuances will not be granted less than 30 days before the trial except for extenuating circumstances. Her wasting time is not an extenuating circumstance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spottts View Post
Me, too. You just never know.

My ex was determined to have 50/50 but we compromised on 60/40, him being 40%. After he did that for about 2 years he wanted to terms changed again. It ended up 63/37 but he got one kid for taxes. There were a couple of things he wanted not related to time sharing. 5 months after the agreement (1 month after I was engaged) he told me to pick up the kids. They wanted to go home and he was letting them. He would sign adoption papers after my FI and I got married. Originally he had demands, but when it came down to it... He signed with no demands met.

Before, ExH had told the kids there were X amount people they could love. These people had to be "blood related." He had the kids, then ages 3,3 and 5 memorize this and the list of people to love. There were overflowing comments on how they were his life, his everything. 3 years later, he signed them over, completely his idea. I never suggested it.
That would be so amazing.
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  #29  
January 20th, 2014, 12:48 PM
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Hopefully the court will enforce that! The judge I had was more lenient. Even at one point that I pay for ex's lawyer Thankfully he didn't follow through with that. I couldn't afford it and why would I pay for another lawyer to fight the lawyer I was paying already??????
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  #30  
January 20th, 2014, 03:56 PM
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I think that because this is not our first rodeo, the judge is seeing the severity of it. I think a lot of judges still think it's a more major issue when the mom is being a deadbeat as opposed to when the dad is.
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  #31  
January 21st, 2014, 10:39 AM
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Seriously if this gets pushed back because she's been dragging her heels I might pull my hair out. lol


L initially requested to waive all support. The Judge told her no. She did waive her right to support last summer for 5 years though. She still gets support on the same schedule, but we didn't want to pay the state to do it anymore since she ended up not getting 3 weeks worth to cover "fees" that we have no idea what they were for. in 3.5 years she'll go back in with a signed form and copies of her bank records showing she received money from DH as scheduled for 5 years and request to waive it further. If they say no, they'll go back to court because paying the state $500 a year is "fees" is ridiculous.
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  #32  
January 21st, 2014, 06:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
Seriously if this gets pushed back because she's been dragging her heels I might pull my hair out. lol


L initially requested to waive all support. The Judge told her no. She did waive her right to support last summer for 5 years though. She still gets support on the same schedule, but we didn't want to pay the state to do it anymore since she ended up not getting 3 weeks worth to cover "fees" that we have no idea what they were for. in 3.5 years she'll go back in with a signed form and copies of her bank records showing she received money from DH as scheduled for 5 years and request to waive it further. If they say no, they'll go back to court because paying the state $500 a year is "fees" is ridiculous.
Thats ridiculous!

We want to waive it as much as possible. DH doesn't want a dime of her money. We'd rather be broke and supporting him on our own, than for her to be able to stake any claim to Owen's raising. Maybe we just need to set our pride aside though. The money would be nice, lol.

Our lawyer said there is no way a judge will allow a continuance
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  #33  
January 21st, 2014, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Our lawyer said there is no way a judge will allow a continuance
Good!
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  #34  
January 21st, 2014, 08:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Spottts View Post
Good!
Aside from the fact that she TOLD the judge on Dec 3rd that she plans to hire a lawyer, and gave the judge his name and everything, she has no good reason.

She told the judge:

I'm going to be represented

I haven't hired him just yet

I plan to do that soon

Been busy

Our lawyer said that procrastination is not a reason to postpone a trial. We didn't have a lawyer as of Dec 3rd, but we got our stuff together and hired one.

The best news?

The lawyer she may or may not be represented by, isn't available on our trial date. Sucks to be her!
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  #35  
January 22nd, 2014, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Thats ridiculous!

We want to waive it as much as possible. DH doesn't want a dime of her money. We'd rather be broke and supporting him on our own, than for her to be able to stake any claim to Owen's raising. Maybe we just need to set our pride aside though. The money would be nice, lol.

Our lawyer said there is no way a judge will allow a continuance
You need to stop thinking about it being her money & a stake in Owen. It may be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I didn't want or need my ex's money. But he wanted all the fun without any of the responsibility. CS was his straw and on the threat of that alone, he gave up his parental rights. I never got a dime from him and that was just fine with me. I got what I wanted and what dd needed.

I'm glad you got a tough judge! The judge in my case was very sure to give my ex every opportunity to step up. We went to the rodeo many times. Anyway in my case, the continuances worked in my favor.
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  #36  
January 22nd, 2014, 11:38 AM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
You need to stop thinking about it being her money & a stake in Owen. It may be the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. I didn't want or need my ex's money. But he wanted all the fun without any of the responsibility. CS was his straw and on the threat of that alone, he gave up his parental rights. I never got a dime from him and that was just fine with me. I got what I wanted and what dd needed.

I'm glad you got a tough judge! The judge in my case was very sure to give my ex every opportunity to step up. We went to the rodeo many times. Anyway in my case, the continuances worked in my favor.
It could go either way with us. The continuance might give her more time to prove herself, though that always just lasts a couple weeks and the she's back to ignoring him.

I don't know if I see her giving up her rights ever. She seems to think their relationship is just fine so I doubt she'd ever just leave. But you never know.
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  #37  
January 23rd, 2014, 10:16 AM
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That's what my ex thought too. He thought he was father of the year. But then he chose not to fight for her.
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