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Letter from our lawyer


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  #1  
January 12th, 2014, 07:31 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I feel like such a bad board member. I really need to scroll through and comment on everyone else's posts more. I promise I read them all and stuff and I will do better to comment on them. I swear once this whole ordeal with BM is over, hopefully things settle down lol. I feel like a perpetual episode of Jerry Springer.

Anyways, Our lawyer sent this to BM, so I wanted to share. We still have not heard back, she actually has not responded to any of our lawyers emails. I think she's pouting.

Quote:
I am writing you on behalf of my client, Eric Lastname. He would like to reach a settlement

out of court in the very near future.

A couple of considerations guide this desire. First, based upon your mutual success in

achieving a settlement in the past, Eric is optimistic that both of you can negotiate

together in good faith and develop a workable and sensible plan. Second, as you know,

going to trial will not only require time and money-better spent, in my opinion, on Owen-
but it will also empower the judge, not you and Eric, to be the primary decision-maker.

My preference, instead, is for you and Eric to jointly decide the best interests of Owen.

Additionally, I think a settlement by you and Eric will fully reflect your concerns and

objectives better than a unilateral judicial ruling.

If you are agreeable to a settlement, I would like your specific thoughts on certain

matters. Feel free, if you like, to explain why you think your proposal best serves the

needs of Owen, which is, after all, the overriding legal purpose of this settlement. Please

share your approaches to the following:

1. Legal Decision-making - sole or joint. In determining the level of decision-making

that is in the child's best interests, the court considers the factors prescribed in Arizona

Revised Statutes section 25-403, subsection A, and section 25-403.

2. Parenting time - supervised or not; frequency; duration; supervisor; where

3. Other time - soccer games, grandparents, etc.

4. Drug testing - agency; scope; cooperation; cost; frequency and duration; positive/

diluted/missed test; reporting

5. Rehab - where; when; duration; reporting

My goal is to incorporate your ideas with Eric's ideas. I would like both you and Eric to

be comfortable with the agreement.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I love our lawyer.
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  #2  
January 12th, 2014, 08:54 PM
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it should be interesting see what she replies.
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  #3  
January 12th, 2014, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stresswife View Post
it should be interesting see what she replies.
IF she replies.

She knows the counselor did not care for her. She has had less than a week to deal with the fact that she failed at the parenting conference, AND we now have a lawyer. Who knows what she's trying to come up with.
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  #4  
January 13th, 2014, 07:05 AM
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Oh goodness. I hope she cooperates and doesn't pull anything crazy. I think the lawyers letter is great!
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  #5  
January 13th, 2014, 11:06 AM
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Great letter from the lawyer! It will be interesting to see if she responds or if she choses the bottle instead.

Don't worry about not responding to other's post right now. We all understand.
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  #6  
January 13th, 2014, 02:30 PM
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lol. The lawyer just emailed me.

Jennifer:
I have not heard anything from BM concerning either of my emails to her. Perhaps she is not reading her emails, or has been drunk, or is unwilling to face the current situation-or all of the above. Perhaps Eric should reach out to her if he has not already.
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  #7  
January 13th, 2014, 03:40 PM
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Good on your lawyer! I hope this wraps up quickly for you all.
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  #8  
January 13th, 2014, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Good on your lawyer! I hope this wraps up quickly for you all.
We sent her:

Quote:
BM,

As of today, my attorney has sent you two emails. He has contacted me today, and notified me that you have failed to reply to either one.

The first email, as you are aware, was asking you if you were going to be represented by counsel at the evidentiary hearing. Since you have not yet disclosed a notice of appearance to myself or our attorney, am I correct to assume you will be representing yourself?

Secondly, the email he sent you on Friday was, as you know, inquiring into the possibility of settling outside of court. I agree with the Judge in that you and I are much better equipped to decide what is in Owen's best interests right now, as opposed to him making those decisions, never having even met Owen.

Communication is important through all of this, BM. Ignoring our attorneys attempts to communicate with you is only showing your disinterest in cooperation. Even if you intend to go to trial and not settle out of court, my attorney needs to be able to communicate with you, as per the court order, to not only complete his deposition, but to create pre-trial statements.

Ignoring this will not make it go away.
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  #9  
January 14th, 2014, 08:29 AM
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Perfect response. You're right. If she continues to refuse to cooperate, it's just one more strike against her.
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  #10  
January 14th, 2014, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
Perfect response. You're right. If she continues to refuse to cooperate, it's just one more strike against her.
It's just ridiculous. We are trying to move on from this. We are prepared to go to court. She doesn't have a lawyer, how does she expect to facilitate a deposition? She has not submitted ANY evidence to the court, or exchanged any discovery or disclosure to us.

She can literally use NOTHING against us.

We have a lawyer, and though we have not submitted any official evidence, we are able to use the counselor's report as evidence, which will be all we need aside from DH and BM's testimony.

Why does she think going to trial is a good idea?????
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  #11  
January 15th, 2014, 10:08 AM
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Because she's just like my DSD's BM. She thinks truly that she can just walk into the court room and say "I am his mom" and they will bow to all of her wishes. It's irrational.
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  #12  
January 15th, 2014, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
Because she's just like my DSD's BM. She thinks truly that she can just walk into the court room and say "I am his mom" and they will bow to all of her wishes. It's irrational.
My ex thought the same way. He thought he was right & he was going to go into the court room & the judge was going to say "Oh you poor thing. What a horrible woman she is! Here's your child. It's so great that you're such a good dad!"

And when that didn't happen, he ran away to another state.
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  #13  
January 15th, 2014, 04:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
Because she's just like my DSD's BM. She thinks truly that she can just walk into the court room and say "I am his mom" and they will bow to all of her wishes. It's irrational.
I wish people would just learn that having a baby does not a parent make you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
My ex thought the same way. He thought he was right & he was going to go into the court room & the judge was going to say "Oh you poor thing. What a horrible woman she is! Here's your child. It's so great that you're such a good dad!"

And when that didn't happen, he ran away to another state.
Don't get my hopes up!
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  #14  
January 16th, 2014, 10:13 AM
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I went after him for child support. He was afraid to go to jail for non payment & claimed he didn't have any money (which probably was true).
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  #15  
January 16th, 2014, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I went after him for child support. He was afraid to go to jail for non payment & claimed he didn't have any money (which probably was true).
Ah. We don't want CS from her. I doubt we'd get any anyway.
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  #16  
January 16th, 2014, 01:42 PM
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Quote:
Eric,

Ok, thank you. I'll be there Friday morning. As for Saturday, yes, I am planning on being there for both parties.

I'm not ignoring your attorney, or your attempts to discuss this case with me. I am forwarding everything to my brother's girlfriend, who works for the attorney that will be representing me. I am sorry that it is taking so long for you to receive the responses you desire. I am just trusting them to handle this case, as there is a lot involved, and I don't really know how to handle some stuff. Please be patient. I'll let her know that you are getting anxious.

Is there a reason that I am no longer receiving updates for Owen's soccer schedule?? I was on the list last season... There should be no reason that I was removed from the mailing list. What time are his games on Saturday? I, also, don't feel that Owen should have to play both games every single weekend. I do think that it is a good idea for him to try it once or twice though.

Thanks,
So I talked to our lawyer, who basically called her an idiot. He said, "Either she IS represented or she ISN'T, there is no in between!" Even if he's not officially representing her, but is giving her advice, than SHE needs to be replying to my emails.

So we sent this.

Quote:
We will figure something out regarding the birthday parties. We have a lot planned this weekend, but I do want to make sure he is able to attend each party, but it might not be for the entire length of each. You can have your visitation time during the parties, as he will be there for at least three hours.

Regarding the case: Until you are officially represented by an attorney, and I receive his notice of appearance, you still need to be communicating with us and our attorney. Our attorney has asked you some questions that I would like to know the answer to. Are you intending for this case to go all the way to trial, or are you open to settling outside of court? Please know my only intention here is Owen's well being. I would love to increase your time together, however, that cannot be done outside of a settlement, or completion of the trial. I want to say, again, BM, that I assure you I am not trying to "take Owen away" from you. I am only trying to do what is best for him. I hope you can understand that. I still fully intend for you to be an important part of his life. I fully intend to discuss major decisions with you, and share aspects of his life. I am not trying to cut you out. I am sure we would both like to keep this out of trial. I cannot stress to you enough how much better it's going to be for Owen if WE make the decisions, as opposed to the judge. Are you open to discussing a settlement, would you like to receive the counselors report first, or are you intending to go to trial? If you are not comfortable making a decision until you are fully represented, I can respect that. But please try to obtain that representation as soon as possible, as the trial is rapidly approaching. As I have said before, I am more than willing to sit down and discuss this all out in an effort to resolve this amicably.

In regards to Owen's soccer: This is a brand new season. I can continue to do what the judge recommended and relay any pertinent information to you. Please note that the entire seasons schedule has been posted online. I am not yet sure which of the two teams Owen is on. As soon as I receive that information, I will let you know. It is also not up to Owen, or us for that matter, if he plays one game or two. That will be entirely up to the coach. If he asks Owen if he'd like to play both games one day, and Owen is up for it, then obviously we will allow it. But since there are two teams this season, Owen should be playing the entire game, whereas last time, there were a lot of subs because the team was so large. Playing an entire game might tire Owen out more than the half game he is used to playing. We'll see. Any changes to the email roster, or any concerns you have regarding soccer outside what I have offered should be directed to the coach.

Thanks,
Eric and Jennifer
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  #17  
January 16th, 2014, 06:03 PM
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Honestly, I would stop trying to justify and explain and reason with her right now. Y'all have stated your goals and explained where you're coming from already, and continuing to do it isn't going to make her anymore cooperative, KWIM? I mean, it's certainly not going to hurt you here - it just seems like a lot of emotional energy to keep putting into it to say things you've already said. I hope that makes sense.

Seriously, though. Your lawyer is right - she's either got representation (in which case, your lawyer would contact hers directly and he needs that contact information) or she doesn't and she's just consulting, in which case *she* needs to respond to your attorney directly. I'm assuming her brother's girlfriend as a paralegal or legal secretary or something? My honest guess is bm is either bull****ting or stalling or hasn't reached out to them at all yet, because any paralegal or legal secretary would know that too.

It's so much fun when they make simple processes complicated and drawn out.
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  #18  
January 16th, 2014, 06:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
Honestly, I would stop trying to justify and explain and reason with her right now. Y'all have stated your goals and explained where you're coming from already, and continuing to do it isn't going to make her anymore cooperative, KWIM? I mean, it's certainly not going to hurt you here - it just seems like a lot of emotional energy to keep putting into it to say things you've already said. I hope that makes sense.

Seriously, though. Your lawyer is right - she's either got representation (in which case, your lawyer would contact hers directly and he needs that contact information) or she doesn't and she's just consulting, in which case *she* needs to respond to your attorney directly. I'm assuming her brother's girlfriend as a paralegal or legal secretary or something? My honest guess is bm is either bull****ting or stalling or hasn't reached out to them at all yet, because any paralegal or legal secretary would know that too.

It's so much fun when they make simple processes complicated and drawn out.
Eric and I pretty much decided that we're done trying to reason with her. We wanted to show a solid effort at getting her to communicate. We will have plenty of exhibits for the trial, and plenty of evidence to use. She is all the sudden trying to be mom of the year, patting herself on the back when she shows up to visitation on time.

Owen is getting an award at school for outstanding behavior for the last 3 months, and we told her she can come. She called Eric and left him a VM and was all, "Should I bring one of my parents to act as supervisor, or were you gonna be there?" Like really?! We've done EVERYTHING for Owen for the last 3 months, why WOULDNT we be there? The way she says things is so ridiculous too. Like, "Oh of course I'll be there.. were you gonna make it too?" Whatever.

The lawyer she is referring to is her brothers girlfriends coworker. Her brother just got full custody of his own kids with the help of this lawyer, because HIS ex is an alcoholic. She has like next to no visitation. It baffles me that this guy is going to help her fight the opposite battle, and that her brother feels morally okay with that. But like I said before, the brother seems to be fed up with her, so I'm not surprised that she hasn't been able to show a notice of appearance yet. The lawyer might have said, "Actually try to be there for your kid and I'll consider representing you."

She just sent Owen a text that says, "I will be there for you tomorrow!" One thing the counselor told her was her words don't mean **** anymore and it's her actions that are going to make things right.
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  #19  
January 19th, 2014, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post
Ah. We don't want CS from her. I doubt we'd get any anyway.
Oh I didn't want or need child support from him. I had been supporting myself & dd for 5 1/2 years by that point (her whole life btw). I actually waved child support during our divorce. It was a legal move to make him give up his battle to get unsupervised visits.
Spottts likes this.
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  #20  
January 19th, 2014, 05:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Oh I didn't want or need child support from him. I had been supporting myself & dd for 5 1/2 years by that point (her whole life btw). I actually waved child support during our divorce. It was a legal move to make him give up his battle to get unsupervised visits.
Long story short BM called us yesterday 25 minutes before we were dropping Owen off at HER nephews birthday party. We allowed him to go to the party and she took her visitation time during it. She asked us if we bought her nephew a present. We said absolutely not as it is YOUR nephew. She had the audacity to say, "You have full custody so you are 100% financially responsible for him right now which includes buying presents. I'm not working so I'm broke."

We have a feeling we will be able to sway her decision in this whole custody thing if we tell her we aren't interested in CS. Though our lawyer says we should ask for it.
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