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  • 5 Post By Stepmom2Be
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  #1  
February 5th, 2014, 04:13 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's finally over.

So. In a nut shell. She showed up with all her exhibits, but did not submit them. She tried to ask the judge to review them because, "I just don't know how to do any of this I thought I was just supposed to bring it with me." When she clearly said she meant to submit them Friday, but whatever. The judge wouldn't let her include them. She had a letter from her mom basically saying what a terrible person DH is. So I guess we don't have their support anymore.

The judge agreed that we are what's best for Owen. So after a lot of back and forth, (And the judge telling her boyfriend that his gestures were unnecessary, PS her parents didn't even show up,) this is what was ordered/ agreed upon.

For the next 4 months, DH has sole decision making. BM has supervised visitation every other Sunday from 9am-6pm. BM also has 3 Thursday night supervised visits from 4pm-7pm. BM is to test WEEKLY. If ANY test comes back positive, her 6 months starts over. Because she got kicked out of rehab, he is making her go to the drug testing place and basically take a screening where they can order her back to rehab if they think she needs it. She also is required to go to at least 2 AA meetings per week.

After June 15th, if all of her tests are negative, it goes to joint decision making. (This kinda sucks, but we will just enroll him in a new school before then.) Her parenting time would then be every other weekend, unsupervised, from the time she picks him up from school on Friday, until we pick him up from her on Sunday at 6pm. She would also get him every Thursday from 4pm-7pm.

All in all it went REALLY well. She's never been able to successfully drug test her way to more privileges, so we'll see how she does.

The best part, is that once it goes to unsupervised, every other weekend, there's no end date on that. So she just became an every other weekend parent

And the holiday schedule, guess who gets Christmas Eve into Christmas day again this year?
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  #2  
February 5th, 2014, 05:15 PM
Keakie's Avatar Learning to walk in faith
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I'm so glad it went well! And so glad that it's off your plate. I'm sure she will still bring the drama, but having the court case closed and behind you is awesome. In so happy for you guys!
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  #3  
February 5th, 2014, 06:54 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keakie View Post
I'm so glad it went well! And so glad that it's off your plate. I'm sure she will still bring the drama, but having the court case closed and behind you is awesome. In so happy for you guys!
Me too!

The best part is that we think she feels like she won, since she gets two days a month 9am-6pm.

But what she doesn't realize is we knew we would have to give up at least 27 hours a month because its what the counselor recommended.
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  #4  
February 6th, 2014, 11:24 AM
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So happy for you guys! Glad it went well!
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  #5  
February 6th, 2014, 01:47 PM
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Glad it went in your favor! And that it was resolved quickly! It will be interesting to see what the next 6th month will bring. Hopefully she'll get her act together for Owen's sake. But either way, he's safe.
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  #6  
February 6th, 2014, 04:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
So happy for you guys! Glad it went well!
Thanks! So are we!!

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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Glad it went in your favor! And that it was resolved quickly! It will be interesting to see what the next 6th month will bring. Hopefully she'll get her act together for Owen's sake. But either way, he's safe.
Yeah I kind of can't wait to see what happens.

I honestly don't think she knew that her going into rehab willingly would have such drastic consequences for her. And truth be told, I am happy that she decided to go back in BEFORE she ended up face down on the concrete again. But just because she went in on her own doesn't erase the problem.

I told DH that going forward we need to focus on trying to have a somewhat civil relationship with her. At soccer, I'm going to try to chat with her a little bit. Not be her friend, but Owen needs to not always feel like we are fighting with each other.
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  #7  
February 7th, 2014, 07:45 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Update:

She called Owen last night to tell him she is quitting nursing school and getting a job. Well I guess not quitting, but this is the second semester in a row that she is "Taking a break" from school.

While I would have loved for her to finish nursing school and become a nurse and have to pay us a lot in child support, (This kid needs some new jeans, 9 year olds and their holy jeans!) I'm glad she's going to put even more time in between her addiction and becoming responsible for, ya know, dispensing drugs and being trusted not to steal them.

Based off the child support calculator, even if she makes a measly 20 grand a year, she will still have to pay us $264 a month.

It'll be nice to be able to buy a little bit more for Owen.
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  #8  
February 7th, 2014, 08:06 AM
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I may have missed it but was child support discussed? Or is that another court date?
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  #9  
February 7th, 2014, 08:17 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I may have missed it but was child support discussed? Or is that another court date?
Sorry I think I forgot to mention it.

We currently are not entitled to it, because she has no income. However, at the hearing, our lawyer stated that he felt she was fully able to get a part time job, as she is only in school for 2 classes. He agreed and set a child support hearing, though I don't yet know when that is.

Also, the parenting counselor is $50 a month, and her weekly testing will cost $100 a month.

She originally said she'd borrow the money from her parents, but who knows.

Her filthy rich boyfriend dude showed up and was sitting there. Seeing as he lives in a 1.7 million dollar home, you think he'd be able to spare her some money. But who knows, maybe she doesn't want the charity. Good for her for seemingly stepping up to do the right thing and provide a little bit for her kid.

Also- we told Owen the new arrangement. He said he was sad he wouldn't get to spend time with us every other Sunday. But he seemed happy to get to see her more. But then a weird thing happened. All day yesterday, he's started referring to me as his mom again. And he keeps hugging me and loving on me telling me I'm the "Best mom ever. No seriously. The best one."

I wonder if he thinks now that he wants to spend more time with her, that I'll be upset? I told him I'm happy that he gets to see his mom some more, and we know that he loves her, and he doesn't ever have to feel like he needs to love one of us more than the other. We'll see. I'm sure he's going through a lot in his head after Wednesday.
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  #10  
February 7th, 2014, 10:15 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I'm so glad that it's over and went so well in your favor (although I personally disagree with the judge on only 4 months of sole decision making). I really hope that this arrangement is good for everyone! And if she thinks she won, that's great. It may mean less of a fight later.
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  #11  
February 7th, 2014, 10:19 AM
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Awe hugs to Owen. That must be so confusing. But you handled it just right!
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  #12  
February 7th, 2014, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
I'm so glad that it's over and went so well in your favor (although I personally disagree with the judge on only 4 months of sole decision making). I really hope that this arrangement is good for everyone! And if she thinks she won, that's great. It may mean less of a fight later.
I agree with you. 4 months is scary for us, but it's better than the 30 days of testing she was given last time around. Our fingers are crossed that she either fails a test in the next 4 months, or just actually gets her act together. It scares me to think that after the 4 months she gets him unsupervised, because I don't know how much I will trust her sobriety after such a short period of time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Awe hugs to Owen. That must be so confusing. But you handled it just right!
Thanks. It's still going to be tough. We actually told him that the way he was feeling back in September, when he was angry and didn't even want to see her, well its going to take us a bit longer than him to get past that because shes not our mom and we dont love her the way he does, but we respect his love for her.
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  #13  
February 10th, 2014, 10:57 AM
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Yeah 4 months doesn't seem long enough.
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  #14  
February 10th, 2014, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Yeah 4 months doesn't seem long enough.
We wanted six but she argued that she had already tested clean for 2 months, and the judge agreed with her.

We tried to argue that she was ordered to test twice a month testing on the basis that the judge was under the impression she completed rehab. And since she didn't complete it, we have no way to know if she was drinking in between the 2 weeks that she'd test. The judge said we can't speculate either way.

But 4 months is still a long time, and she's testing weekly now. Hopefully it either catches her, at which point the 6 months would start over, or she really stays sober this time.

He had his first 9am-6pm day with her yesterday. She hadn't seen him in a week because she missed the soccer game AND his last two practices, yet they just awkwardly walked up to each other and said hello, no hug or anything. And when I picked Owen up last night, he told me that he doesn't like being gone for 9 hours, it was too long. And her apartment (her mom was there too,) was covered in dirty clothes, dishes, and cat poop all over the place.

Poor kid. I don't think this is going to get easier for him for a while. But hopefully it does.
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  #15  
February 10th, 2014, 01:25 PM
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Poor Owen! That is so hard Did they just hang out at her apartment all day?
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  #16  
February 10th, 2014, 02:29 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
Poor Owen! That is so hard Did they just hang out at her apartment all day?
No he said they went there for a couple hours, and then went back to her moms to watch a movie.

I get it, sometimes my house gets messy too. But I have a husband, a kid, 3 dogs, am in school, and work for my dad. She has LITERALLY zero responsibilities. I'm sorry, she does have a cat. How hard can it be to clean up after yourself? I KNOW she has a problem, my point here is that if her problems aren't controlled enough to clean up after yourself, how can you be trusted to take care of a child?

DH is going to talk to her about her apartment. He doesn't want Owen going there if it looks like that
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  #17  
February 11th, 2014, 06:25 AM
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I mean, yeah, I get it too. My kitchen frequently has some dishes stacked in the sink waiting to go into the dishwasher once it finishes running and gets unloaded. I'm usually behind on laundry, but fortunately I can hide everything in the laundry room.

That said, I make sure that if anyone is coming over, I have it tidy. And the cat poop on the floor would be the biggest issue for me, since that's a health issue. I'm glad your DH is going to say something. I hope it gets better. I mean, I also realize that she is probably struggling with some depression issues, and that does make it harder to clean, but sometimes we have to buckle down for the sake of our kids. Although, I guess if she realized that you wouldn't be where you are.
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  #18  
February 11th, 2014, 11:03 AM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
I mean, yeah, I get it too. My kitchen frequently has some dishes stacked in the sink waiting to go into the dishwasher once it finishes running and gets unloaded. I'm usually behind on laundry, but fortunately I can hide everything in the laundry room.

That said, I make sure that if anyone is coming over, I have it tidy. And the cat poop on the floor would be the biggest issue for me, since that's a health issue. I'm glad your DH is going to say something. I hope it gets better. I mean, I also realize that she is probably struggling with some depression issues, and that does make it harder to clean, but sometimes we have to buckle down for the sake of our kids. Although, I guess if she realized that you wouldn't be where you are.
That's what bothers me. She can use her depression and addiction as an excuse to be late all the time and for her apartment to be filthy. But when we say something like, "Well you missed his final soccer game because of your depression, how do you expect to get him to school?" She flips out and says we are trying to keep him from her. It's just become this big double standard. She's only using her illnesses as an excuse to slack off, IMO.

Last night, she showed up to soccer 15 minutes late. Then after 30 minutes, she sent me a text that she had very bad abdominal pain and was going to go to urgent care. So I walked over to where she was and was nice and asked if her parents could come get her and she said no she would drive and she'd be fine. After practice, I told Owen she had left cuz she wasn't feeling well and he rolled his eyes and said, "Well she seemed just fine yesterday." She missed his soccer game on Saturday because of this "illness" and left practice early because of it, but seemed fine on Sunday. So who knows. She did look like hell though. She was shaking and crying when I walked over to her.
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