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She missed her first test.


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  #1  
February 12th, 2014, 09:05 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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BM was supposed to take her first drug test on Friday. She missed it. On Saturday, she told us she wasn't feeling well and missed Owen's soccer game. She had Owen, supervised, all day Sunday, and he said she seemed fine. Monday night, she left soccer practice after 30 minutes to go to Urgent Care for abdominal pain.

She just told me tonight at soccer practice that she missed her Friday drug test because she wasn't feeling well. However, this was never communicated to us until today. She said she plans to write a letter to the judge apologizing for the missed test. We are under the impression that the 6 months of weekly testing and supervised visitation restarts now. She also claims that her test will be positive for barbiturates and amphetamines because of her migraine and ADD meds.

It has been less than one week since we went to court and this is how much of a train wreck she still is:

Showed up to soccer practice Wednesday night at 7:12pm. Soccer started at 6:00 and ended at 7:30. She claimed she would be late to soccer because she was taking a test at school..

Called Owen Thursday night to tell him she was once again putting school on hold and getting a job.

Texted me at 11:17am "I'm still not feeling well, running late for the game." Texted me again at 11:52, "Sooooo sorry. Vomited." Then she called Eric, said she had to turn around and go home. So she missed his game. PS he scored another goal that game.

Sunday, she showed up at 9:06 for her 9am visitation with Owen. He said he went with his grandma and his mom drove separately to her apartment. While at her apartment, his mom left to go get KFC for them for lunch. He said she did not seem sick at all.

Monday night, she showed up to soccer at 6:12 pm. Soccer started at 6:00. At 6:42, she texted me from where she was sitting that her abdominal pain was getting worse and she had to take herself to urgent care, and she left.

Tonight, she showed up to soccer practice at 6:09 pm. Soccer started at 6:00. After soccer, she explained to me, in detail, IN FRONT OF OWEN, that she missed her drug test due to not feeling well, and that the drug test she took last night will likely show positive for barbiturates and amphetamines, but don't worry because she's not doing cocaine or anything, it's just her migraine and ADD meds.

She is a mess. Why can't this woman ever just get her **** together?!
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  #2  
February 12th, 2014, 10:02 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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are you flipping kidding me?

I'd be getting a hold of that judge first and saying that this is unacceptable, her apologies mean nothing.
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  #3  
February 12th, 2014, 10:23 PM
Stepmom2Be's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
are you flipping kidding me?

I'd be getting a hold of that judge first and saying that this is unacceptable, her apologies mean nothing.
It's the same thing every time.

Look, we get that she takes a lot of pills. Are they all necessary? Who knows. But she will likely be able to produce a prescription for the ADD meds and the Migraine meds. So it's not the fact that she failed the test per say. As long as it doesn't show positive for alcohol, and she can show us her prescriptions, we get it.

It's the fact that this testing is SO important for her to have any kind of real time with Owen, and she went and screwed up the VERY FIRST TEST. I don't CARE how sick you are, you drag your *** to the testing place, pee in a cup, and go home and go to bed. You don't have a JOB, you don't go to SCHOOL, you don't have your KID. GET YOURSELF THERE.

And even if you don't.... DON'T HIDE IT FROM US! We should have been notified of this on FRIDAY. Because you know what. Had she called us and said, "I'm super sick. My stomach is killing me. I can't make it to TASC," at least we would have known beforehand. We probably could have convinced her to somehow make it there.

And then to be fine all day Sunday, and then play the sick card again Monday night? And not test Monday night either? I'm sorry but she was able to drive the 7 miles to soccer practice, and stay for 30 minutes and leave, she should have made testing a priority over practice. She's missed god knows how many practices before, whats one more?

I am so fed up with her. There is no way we are allowing her "apology" to change anything. The 6 months of weekly testing and supervised every other sunday visits and US having sole custody has officially restarted.
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  #4  
February 13th, 2014, 10:26 AM
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Ugh really! She can't even make the 1st test. How sad. I'm just speechless. And I agree that if it were me I would drag myself to the test 1/2 dead. This isn't looking good for her.
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  #5  
February 13th, 2014, 11:27 AM
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My mind is literally blown. Sure, I get feeling totally crummy. But you suck it up and deal with it. What would she have done if she had O? What about when he was little? As a mom, heck, as an adult, you get used to pushing through and getting stuff done when you are sick. If she had been in the hospital, different story, of course. But that fact that it was intermittent makes me certain she could have gotten herself there. And to miss time with O for a test AFTER she was already pretty sure that she was going leave school anyway...? Do you think she really went to urgent care?
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  #6  
February 13th, 2014, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Ugh really! She can't even make the 1st test. How sad. I'm just speechless. And I agree that if it were me I would drag myself to the test 1/2 dead. This isn't looking good for her.
All it did was screw her over. She now has to go a FULL 6 months of negative tests in order to get any unsupervised time with him. So as of right now, until August, she only gets him every other Sunday, supervised, and 3 Thursdays a month. He doesnt even wanna go tonight

Quote:
Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
My mind is literally blown. Sure, I get feeling totally crummy. But you suck it up and deal with it. What would she have done if she had O? What about when he was little? As a mom, heck, as an adult, you get used to pushing through and getting stuff done when you are sick. If she had been in the hospital, different story, of course. But that fact that it was intermittent makes me certain she could have gotten herself there. And to miss time with O for a test AFTER she was already pretty sure that she was going leave school anyway...? Do you think she really went to urgent care?
That's the thing. She put herself, once again, before Owen. I was assaulted at work on October 24th. I was in the hospital for 8 hours. I was in excruciating pain that could only be controlled with morphine and percocet, both of which made me extremely nauseous. Yet the next morning, at 9:00am, I went with Eric and Owen to Owen's soccer game, and cheered him on, half dead.

I get feeling like crap. I really do. I feel bad that she has so many medical issues and is constantly not well. It must really suck. But to miss the ONE thing that will give you more time with the one person that can make you happy, because you weren't feeling well just boggles my mind.

I feel so bad for Owen. He has become so attached to me. He hugs on me all the time. He tells me how much he loves me and how hes so happy to have me.

I am really starting to wonder if a 9 year old brain can adapt to have a stronger bond with a stepmom than a biological mom. I get that he still loves her. But he and I have a more mother son bond than he does with her. And if she ever wants their bond to improve, she sure isn't on the right track.

Do you know she STILL has not yet signed the two of them up for counseling. They are both on ahcccs, so it is COMPLETELY FREE, no copays, nothing. She agreed with the counselor that they need counseling together. She agreed that it would help their relationship. She now has absolutely NO commitments getting in the way, and she has done nothing to sign them up.

She makes me absolutely sick.
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  #7  
February 13th, 2014, 06:15 PM
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She was an hour and a half late to her 3 hour visitation today because, and I quote,

"My boyfriend borrowed my car because his is in the shop and he was supposed to be back in time but he is still not back! I swear, if I wanted two kids, I would have had another!"

Don't even get me started right now.

AA tells you NO BOYFRIENDS FOR A YEAR
YOU BARELY EVEN HAVE ONE KID

Owen told me she was probably late because she needed more time to drink alcohol
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  #8  
February 13th, 2014, 08:14 PM
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Poor O! I'm so glad he has you guys for stability!
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  #9  
February 13th, 2014, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by pmdc5286 View Post
Poor O! I'm so glad he has you guys for stability!
I am just so done with her and her BS.

When I picked Owen up tonight, she told me she got there at 5:30 and her boyfriend still hadn't returned her car and that "He's dead."

Owen told me he is tired of her excuses and he's mad at her for being so late.
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  #10  
February 14th, 2014, 12:03 AM
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I can't even form a decent reply to all of this. Jm would censor it if I even tried.
stresswife and Spottts like this.
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  #11  
February 14th, 2014, 08:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be View Post


I feel so bad for Owen. He has become so attached to me. He hugs on me all the time. He tells me how much he loves me and how hes so happy to have me.

I am really starting to wonder if a 9 year old brain can adapt to have a stronger bond with a stepmom than a biological mom. I get that he still loves her. But he and I have a more mother son bond than he does with her. And if she ever wants their bond to improve, she sure isn't on the right track.
I'll answer that. YES! My dh & dd are living proof of that. He is not her bio father but they have an extremely strong bond. Her bio dad isn't in the picture but I believe even if he was, she'd still be more bonded to dh. Her bio dad could be O's bio mom's twin.
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  #12  
February 14th, 2014, 09:56 AM
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WHAT?!!?

First...NO boyfriend. I mean, really!?

Second, I don't care WHO your boyfriend is. If you have to be to the one place in the world that you HAVE to be on time. If you spent the last week screwing up as much as she has. You don't.let.ANYONE borrow your car. I mean, an hour and a half late. That's crazy. 5-10 minutes, maybe. For a boyfriend who has been around forever and is trustworthy. And if she hadn't royally screwed up the whole week. But an hour and half!? Plus, doesn't her mom supervise visits? Couldn't she have called her mom and asked her to come get her?
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  #13  
February 14th, 2014, 10:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plan4fate View Post
I can't even form a decent reply to all of this. Jm would censor it if I even tried.
Tell me about it. Eric says not to let her get to me, and she's not getting to ME. When she called me yesterday she was like "I am SOOOOOO sorry Jennifer!" I was like, I'M not the one you need to be apologizing to!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I'll answer that. YES! My dh & dd are living proof of that. He is not her bio father but they have an extremely strong bond. Her bio dad isn't in the picture but I believe even if he was, she'd still be more bonded to dh. Her bio dad could be O's bio mom's twin.
Well thats good. At least Owen has us.
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  #14  
February 14th, 2014, 04:53 PM
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Doesn't her boyfriend have money? (Or am I getting him confused with someone else) if he does why does he need to borrow a car. She just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger!
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  #15  
February 14th, 2014, 06:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Wisey View Post
Doesn't her boyfriend have money? (Or am I getting him confused with someone else) if he does why does he need to borrow a car. She just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger!
Actually, the boyfriend who has tons of money is apparently not her current boyfriend.

According to Owen, this one is different, (he told me his name and it's not the same guy.)

I wanna know why she is trying to start a relationship at such a transitional time in her life. I get it, she's probably lonely. But she needs to focus on her recovery!
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  #16  
February 15th, 2014, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by AtomicMama View Post
WHAT?!!?

First...NO boyfriend. I mean, really!?

Second, I don't care WHO your boyfriend is. If you have to be to the one place in the world that you HAVE to be on time. If you spent the last week screwing up as much as she has. You don't.let.ANYONE borrow your car. I mean, an hour and a half late. That's crazy. 5-10 minutes, maybe. For a boyfriend who has been around forever and is trustworthy. And if she hadn't royally screwed up the whole week. But an hour and half!? Plus, doesn't her mom supervise visits? Couldn't she have called her mom and asked her to come get her?
I know. And she is making sure that we know she has a boyfriend. It's very clear that it's a self esteem boost because every other sentence is "my boyfriend this my boyfriend that."

When she's 5-10 minutes late, we still get mad because of how often it is, but 5 minutes isn't gonna kill the whole visit. Showing up at 5:30 for a 4-7 visit will! When I got there at 7 to pick him up, she basically pushed him out the door with a corn dog in his hand. Because that was all she gave him for dinner. JUST a corn dog. A 9 year old boy. No sides, nothing.

When I left Owen with his grandparents because I was tired of waiting for her, it was 4:25. BOTH of her parents were home. By 5:15, she called them and said she had started walking, (It's 4 miles,) and so her mom told Owen she was going to go pick her up and asked him if he wanted to go with her. He said no. He stayed with his grandpa while she went to get his mom.

He's so over it, and we're thinking we're going to have him write a letter to her telling her how he feels about all this. It's clearly weighing on him. He's been emotional lately, not wanting to leave us, and you can tell that he has what we call "A big cry," coming. It just hasn't happened yet.
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  #17  
February 15th, 2014, 11:09 AM
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Ah poor Owen. Wasn't he seeing a counselor? Is he still?
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  #18  
February 15th, 2014, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
Ah poor Owen. Wasn't he seeing a counselor? Is he still?
He was, but the counselor felt he didn't need it anymore. Eric and I just discussed last night we might get him back in. Lots of changes happening now.

But the last one didn't do much for him. He tends to hold things inside and not talk about them. And counselors won't force him to talk about his feelings.

We still plan to talk to him today and let him get it all out.
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  #19  
February 16th, 2014, 01:06 PM
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I'd recommend trying to find another counselor. A good child counseling isn't about talking. DD's was a few years younger but didn't realize she was in therapy. It wasn't "how do you feel about this?"

I'd recommend finding someone who only counsels children. And even if the one he was seeing did, everyone is not a good fit.
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  #20  
February 16th, 2014, 02:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by My2miracles View Post
I'd recommend trying to find another counselor. A good child counseling isn't about talking. DD's was a few years younger but didn't realize she was in therapy. It wasn't "how do you feel about this?"

I'd recommend finding someone who only counsels children. And even if the one he was seeing did, everyone is not a good fit.
Yeah, we are going to look into it.

We had like an hour long heart to heart with him yesterday. He was able to get so much off his chest. We told him he wouldn't get in trouble for anything he said. He said if he said any of the things he was thinking to BM, it would probably break her heart. We told him that's okay. because she has done a lot of crappy things to him, and if that's how he is feeling, he is absolutely allowed to express it.

He said things like, "If I wrote her a letter she probably wouldnt recognize my handwriting." and "My mom doesn't even know me anymore." and "I'm so tired of all her dumb excuses for being late, I don't believe any of them." and my personal favorite, "Jennifer to me you are my REAL mom."

Afterwards, he was back to the sweet, happy, funny kid that he usually is. But you could tell things had been weighing on him before. We told him how proud we were that he got it all off his chest, and he says he thinks he wants to talk to BM soon and tell her how he's feeling. We told him we support him 100%

She showed up 10 minutes late to visitation today. Eric just sent her an email that says we will no longer leave our house to drop him off until we know she is at her parents house. So she is now expected to arrive at her parents 10 minutes before visitation starts, call us, (from their land line so we know she is there,) and then we will leave our house and get Owen there by the time her visitation starts. We're not waiting around anymore, it's done.
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