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Forum: Blended Families

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  • 1 Post By AtomicMama
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  #1  
March 26th, 2014, 09:17 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Hi, my name is Radilayne and between me and my husband we have 3 kids a 7 year old daughter a 5 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter. The thre yr old, olivia is his child with another woman. I would not say she is a bad kid but there are behaviors I didn't have problems with as much with my kids. For instance she thinks she runs the house, everything she is told to do is responded with "no" "i don't want to" "i don't have to" her mother lets her talk to her this way so when I put her in a time out for misbehaving or disrespect she screams at the top of her lungs and does not stop until you give her her way. I'm at a loss of what to do I dont want her to grow up thinking this is ok but her mom is not going to change. In her mothers home she makes the choices from what she eats for meals (she would let her eat cookies for dinner) to what they do throughout the day. And i do believe in giving your toddler choices some things should me mommy- moderated.

Also, I have had issues with lying like I said her mother doesn't ever dicepline her so now she is starting to find out that here there are rules ad consequences for not complying. So when she sneaks in the bathoom and climbs the sinl just to squirt the entire bottle of soap everywhere while i do the dishes or kicks the dog in the face infront of me and I say "now what did you do that for?" He response is "i didn't" even if she's caught red handed or does it infront of me she sticks to her story that sh didn't do it. So then normally i tell her to tell the dog sorry and she refuses so i put her in time out in which she screams her head off until i finally just let her go to her room like she wants to do one time i let her scream in time out for 2 hrs hopeing she would learn shes not getting her way and calm down enough that i could explain to her why she was i. Time out so that she could think about it but alas, she did not calm down. And i thought about maybe a seperate punishment for lying so she would associate being in more trouble with lying and realize that its better not to lie but i can't think of anythingother than time out... Please help mommies!
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  #2  
March 27th, 2014, 12:55 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
I'm sorry to hear about your frustration! I know that can be difficult when the BM disciplines differently than you... Does her dad set any rules or discipline her when she's at the house?
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  #3  
March 27th, 2014, 01:36 PM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
Well, first, she's 3. 3 is a VERY trying age for the best of children. On top of that, she is dealing with houses that are run very differently. How long have you and her father been together? What is his role in disciplining the children?
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  #4  
March 31st, 2014, 03:28 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,182
Welcome. I think one of the hardest things about blended families is that people parent different. The biggest thing is you can't change or expect her bm to change how she parents.

Also you will find that different kids respond differently to parenting approaches. My kids for instant do not do well with punishments that take things away. It just doesn't work for them. So I started a reward for good behavior program and it works wonderfully!

And I agree that 3 can be a trying age under the best of circumstance but changing households and being away from her mom must be very difficult for her. If she isn't able to verbalize it, her frustrations will come out in tantrums.

Since you can't change what happens outside of your care, perhaps you need to look at changing how you handle her. Find discipline or even a reward system that works for her. The key is she's not your children. She's a different person with different life experiences and different thoughts. You can't expect her to act the same way your kids do.
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backtalk , contradicting , disrespectful , lying , parent

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