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I hope to ease your mind just a little bit but there has to be change of circumstances for a judge to completely change the kids living arrangements. It is up to the person wanting the custody change to prove there has been a change and why it's better for the kid to live with them.
It sounds like your ex has a case of the Disney Dad Syndrome and just trying to be the fun parent. It sucks for us as the primary parent though.
Ugh you're getting hit from all sides! Sorry that's happening. I do agree with pmdc5286, it's tough to get custody changes that drastic for no good reason. He may be able to get more time with them but I doubt he'd get full custody. Same with Gigi's mom. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that they both can't put you through the ringer mentally, emotionally and financially before it's done though
Don't worry, your kids will know who was there essentially all the time and who really took care of them.
Just 2 days ago, my stepson, whom we have full time, and he does not see his biological mother, told us that he remembers when his mom wouldn't let him spend Christmas with his dad, and how could she not realize that she was hurting him, (my stepson) when she did that? Kids are smart, kids are resilient.
The only thing I want to stress is make sure you don't bad talk their dad in front of them. They probably think the world of him because in the short, compacted time he has them, they probably don't get disciplined, and probably get whatever they want. You bad talking him to them is only going to put them on the defense. (Not saying you do that, just my two cents.)
Hugs- It's tough being the one that has to do all the day to day stuff and discipline and whatnot, and then have someone come swoop in and practically spoil them. It'll get easier.
I had a sit down with the lawyers and my ex today and he stated what he wants. I cannot believe the nerve of what he wants. This is what he wants:
Every 2nd weekend, Friday night through to Monday school drop off, plus weds and thurs nights with Dex, because, and I quote, 'I want to spend time with my son without having to put up with the girl'.
He doesn't actually want the kids because he wants to be a father, he's using the kids as a weapon against me because he doesn't like to see me happy with anyone else. He stopped me after our meeting today and said 'You shouldn't be happy. You left me and so you don't get to be happy anymore'. I told my lawyer and he said he will document it and present it as evidence if we go to court. My lawyer has said that we should be able to keep the current schedule. The things is, I'd give him the extra time, if he actually wanted it because he misses his kids. I have never kept the kids from him, I have never bad-mouthed him in front of the kids.
I am so over all of this.
Let me ask you this then.. Aside from the fact that he sounds like a complete JERK... is he a good dad? Would the kids benefit from getting more time with him? Is it in THEIR best interest? Sometimes, we have to do what's in their best interest, even when it pisses us off.
I'm sorry. I know none of this is easy
Jennifer - Married to Eric 3.10.13 - Full Time Stepmom to Owen - TTC our first together- 1 year and counting
You mean he sat there, with lawyers, and said he DOESN'T want his daughter? What a real great dad I know how you feel, BM doesn't pay CS (okay sorry, LATELY she has been paying a 3rd of what she has to, and it doesn't even cover DSS tutoring little own anything else, but anyway). When she gets them, she only has her 2 kids not 6, and she has the money and the time to take them to exciting places, buy them everything they want etc. While we do all the boring, day to day, feeding them, clothing them, paying school fees, running them to football practices and games. Mummy buys me whatever we want.. gah.
My ex liked to show up with toys as if that made up for his crappy parenting too. However, my DSD is a teenager and she has said to me that she appreciates all her father and I do. She gets it, and I know DSS will too when hes older.
Emma, girlfriend of Loz, future step-mama to J (15) and K (10), Mama to Jaelah (8), Oliver (5), Mianna (4) and Harper (2), WTTC our first together, in 2015.
I know he can be an awesome dad, but for the last few years he's been more focused on getting drunk, having sex with numerous women, and leaving the kids to look after themselves on occasion.
I don't plan on keeping my kids from their father, I would never do that, but right now, I don't think that it is in their best interests to spend more time with him.
I'm going to offer him every second weekend, Sat morning through to Monday evening (he doesn't work Mondays). This would mean he gets them one night less than what he currently has, but I'm willing to let him see them, take them to dinner ect, during the week if he wants to see them.
That makes sense and sounds fair.
Maybe just go with the mind set of, "If he's making an effort and is a safe person for them to be with, then let it happen until he proves otherwise."
Oh but document all the time you let them go with him, just jot it down in a notebook so he cant ever say you withheld them.