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Heartbroken, BF has icy attitude toward "my" son...


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  #1  
August 7th, 2006, 08:47 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2
Its killing me inside...I'm 22wks pregnant with my second child and have a 7yr old son from a previous relationship. I love my BF and we have a great relationship. This pregnancy was unplanned but we're both happy as are our families...theres a huge problem though. It seems like he doens't like my son. I wont beat around the bush or candy coat things, when my bFs around my some he seems annoyed and uncomfortable. Whats worse is that I've seen him with his god children and hes great... his mom goes on and on about how wonderful he is around children and to top it off hes going to school to be an elementary school teacher so hes around strangers childern all day, again hes great with that. I thought it might be my own insecurities but even now his mom and sister have noticed his indifference towards my littel boy. My son is wonderful, he doenst have a behavioral problem he actually likes my BF. My son has never known his real father and I would hate for him to feel any rejection especially if i can prevent it. I dont know what to say to my BF... my sons happiness will always come before my own. I fear this might tear my BF and me apart and I'll be the single mom of 2 children. I want things to work but if he cant change I'm leaving for good. If anyone has any advice please share.
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  #2  
August 8th, 2006, 04:57 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
Maybe u could talk to him and let him no how u feel about the whole situation...maybe he doesnt realize what he is doing and if u talk to him maybe he'll change...i wish i could give u tons of good advice..How long have u two been going out? I no when i met dylans daddy he had a daughter form his ex girlfriend and i felt uncomfortable being around her for awhile even though i LOVE children...as time went by i felt less uncomfortable even though i did keep a short distance away just not as much as i did before..I really hope he sees what he is doing for the sake of the relationship..
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  #3  
August 8th, 2006, 08:56 AM
CrazyFrog
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I had a similar problem when my fiance and I moved in together. He is great with kids, but was always so hard on my son, and very cold toward him. I eventually talked to him about it because, like you said, my son comes first. He didn't realize he was being that way and said he'd make an effort to do better. Well, he was still unconciously the same way. I started making them spend time together. Every night Mike had to play a game, read a book, do a craft, etc. with him. He even started putting him to bed and giving him baths half the time. They eventually developed a bond and now they get along great. Hang in there, I know its difficult.
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  #4  
August 8th, 2006, 02:29 PM
vimagray's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: CT
Posts: 54
I have no good advice, as I can't really speak from experience, but I second whoever said you should talk to him about it. Perhaps he hasn't even noticed he's acting that way towards your son.
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  #5  
August 10th, 2006, 06:39 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2
Thank u all so much for your advice. I talked to him the other night, he says hes tough on him to make him strong and independent but that he would work on it. Again thank u, this has been really tough for me and I appreciate all the feedback
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  #6  
August 15th, 2006, 06:43 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Pittsburgh PA
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My boyfriend is the same way. I'll just say little things like "why don't you play with Gemma today?" " Will you help me put her to bed?" or "Did I tell you what Gemma did today?" Sometimes just letting them know you expect them to be a part of the child's life and treat them the same way you do gets a better response than a direct confrontation. My boyfriend still isn't perfect but my daughter will always be first and I will not let him affect her happiness. I also told him he won't get any children of his own from me if I don't think he can be a good father to the child I already have. GL.
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Sara, 27, married to Shane, 31, mom to Gemma, 6, and Ashlyn, born 8/7/10







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