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  #1  
September 27th, 2005, 11:58 AM
Cameron-n-JaydensMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Parma Ohio
Posts: 4,938
I am writing this with a biten tounge. I am trying to stay calm and nice about how I put these things. In response to the things that have been said about the negative things that Steph and I have said on this board:

This is a place to speak your mind and freely say how you feel. Not one person knows exactly what the other is going through. Every situation is different. This is a place where it is safe to vent about your frustration (or atleast itis supposed to be).

I am not critizing anyones opinion or views, so why has everyone done that to ours? All we were looking for was someone who understood or somewhat understood what it was that we were going through. Maybe "dislike" was the wrong word to use in the post. I do not dislike my step-son as a child. I dislike the situation that had been dumped in my lap at the time and felt there was nothing for me to do that I had lost control. I dont hate or dislike any child. What I was saying was the the things my step son did was what I didnt like and the situation with his mother was what was also bothering me.

I did say that I resented him and in a way I do. But that is my perogative. Right? Everyne is aloud to feel a certain way correct? And I have talked to my husband and a therapist about these things and I have tried to work through my resentment and my feelings but it is something that doesnt happen over night!

I have relized though that alot of my resentment stems from my stepson's mother and the whole situation behind that...but that is another heated topic! And yes some of that wears off on Curtis, and I am trying very hard to work on my issues.

See my siutation didnt start out like this though. When my husband and I first met she had full custody of him and there was no way that she was ever going to give him up. But all that changed and then after my husband and Iwere married for only a short time he came to live with us full time. So I went from not knowing this child very well because we only saw him every other weekend to being trown into a situation where I was raising someone elses child. And whenwe got him she had completely messed his mind up. So there were alot of issues that needed to be dealt with there.

My step son is not the kind of child you can get close too. I know that may be hard for some of you too understand but it is true, he is not even close with my husband. Where as my son is the most loving caring child, he will hug you for no reason and wants a kiss all the time. Where as Curtis doesnt want to be kissed or hugged at all. So it is hard for me to get close to him to try and build a relationship. Because please I wish you would believe me I have tried very hard!!!


I know I am going on and on but I was very upset to see the things that were being said in regards to my post. I felt as though this was a safe place to come for some advice and support from woman who were going trough the same thing or knew what I was going trough.

I hope this post didnt offend anyone I was just wanting to get this off my chest before it upset me more...
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  #2  
September 27th, 2005, 12:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,098
You should be able to vent freely. That's the reason for these boards. I'm glad you're working so hard to make your life better as well as your DSS. Just hang in there, girl.
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  #3  
September 27th, 2005, 12:20 PM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
I feel terrible for you. I wish you didn't have to go through this on a forum... Some people need to step down from their pedestal sometimes... If the world was as perfect as they think, then we wouldn't have the problems in the world we do....


Edit - take care sweetie. I know you're doing your best with a bad situation.
  #4  
September 27th, 2005, 12:27 PM
Cameron-n-JaydensMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Parma Ohio
Posts: 4,938
Thanks girls! I really truly do feel bad about the feelings that I have towards him and I guess when I posted in that forum topic that that was not conveyed properly! And I am trying hard and everyday is a struggle but at least I do try!

Thank you for your kind words and I will continue to post on this board! I was feeling alittle like I didnt want to come back cause of all the negative things that were said and that upset me cause nobody anywhere else can somewhat understand! So I was glad to find the girls here!

I hust hope people can understand that not every situation is the same and that everyone needs to be treated with respect and be freely aloud to say how they feel with out feeling like they are going to be critizied!

Thanks girls!!!

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  #5  
September 27th, 2005, 12:29 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,598


Hey venting is venting right? Some kids are hard to deal with, I'l be first in line to agree with that...but your original post came across as a step kid bashing platform and that I figure rubbed some people the wrong way. If your vent was taken out of context or blown out of porportion then I was mistaken and you have my apologies....

It is just a hard thing to see, 'its my perogorative to resent him'..you can't balem him for his mother's crimes....it is not a fair thing to do....You say he was thrust upon you and things got wrecked...but put yourself in his shoes, he went from living with his mom to being thrown on you guys...how traumatic can you imagine that is...to be taken to live somewhere that you hardly even visited all that much, then you can feel that step mom resents you, then add to it whatever his nutty momma inficted on is impressionable mind and you have a kid that has been through alot....

I understand that you feel victimized but at what point will the little boy's feelings be really considered..not 'oh I know he has it hard' but really really considered.

Would you be automatically happy go lucky and hugging and kissing everyone and being a swell kid if you were bounced around like that? I sure know I would not be....I guess I just think everyone needs to put the other first and really understand the hardships.

I really do wish you luck because my family is living proof that it can be a pot of gold at the end of a rough and rugged rainbow. please do not feel attacked or judged as it was not my intention. I just didn't understand why the kids were being talked about so harshly...

good luck, really, Its cool if you don't want to share, but I am interested to know how DH is handeling all this....
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  #6  
September 27th, 2005, 12:35 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,598
Quote:
Originally posted by mrobinson@Sep 27 2005, 02:20 PM
I feel terrible for you.* I wish you didn't have to go through this on a forum... Some people need to step down from their pedestal sometimes... If the world was as perfect as they think, then we wouldn't have the problems in the world we do....


Edit - take care sweetie. I know you're doing your best with a bad situation.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]


I feel like this includes myself...I was not implying that thibngs should or will be perfect...but that moving towards a solution should be the focal point, also that adults should not resent young children, it is not healthy for anyone involved. I said my peace in my previous post so I wont drag it on here....I feel bad for anyone who feels that upset and detached from a child that they are raising. I can't imagine that it is enjoyable at all to feel those feelings, but if moms are working and interested in making it better they desevefull support, but to just want to kid bash and complain is almost as pointless as myself or anyone else trying to make someone like that see the situation from the kid's eyes.

good luck to everyone. I read every post about this and I dont think any of them were written in malice....that may be a guilty conscience that made her feel as if she were not able to post here. No personal attacks were mde, jusr statemens to the effect of 'how could someone think of a kid that way or resent a child', but I dont recall any personal attacks. If someone feels I made a personal attack they have my apologies. But I won't apologize for wanting them to better their situation and explore their emotional woes. i think that is just as supportive, if not MORE supportive than simply saying 'aww there there, it will be ok'.....
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  #7  
September 27th, 2005, 12:36 PM
mrobinson
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally posted by cameron's-mommy@Sep 27 2005, 01:27 PM
Thanks girls! I really truly do feel bad about the feelings that I have towards him and I guess when I posted in that forum topic that that was not conveyed properly! And I am trying hard and everyday is a struggle but at least I do try!

Thank you for your kind words and I will continue to post on this board! I was feeling alittle like I didnt want to come back cause of all the negative things that were said and that upset me cause nobody anywhere else can somewhat understand! So I was glad to find the girls here!

I hust hope people can understand that not every situation is the same and that everyone needs to be treated with respect and be freely aloud to say how they feel with out feeling like they are going to be critizied!

Thanks girls!!!


<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]
It's my belief that when people are in their most desperate hour and reach out for help, we need to be there. When people are alone, isolated, and feeling their worst, really bad things and decisions can happen. No one wants that for anyone. The next time you need to vent, we'll be there. I think lessons are already learned here for the future- right? Trust me, you're helping us too.
  #8  
September 27th, 2005, 01:23 PM
fka teresarunningmommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 47,594
This post is being locked. This is not a debate board. This is a support board. Please be considerate of other's feelings when posting.

Thank you,
Teresa
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