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  #1  
October 9th, 2005, 06:26 PM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Boston,Ma.
Posts: 359
My bf has a 6 year old girl whos mom left when she was 1.She is started school now and is probably seeing other moms.She is now crying and saying she misses her mom.She is asking about her and writing her letters and asking us to get them to her.What do we do?How do we handle this?
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  #2  
October 9th, 2005, 08:17 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,098
Has her mom made any attempt to contact her at all? How long have you been with your BF ? Sorry to answer a question with more questions, but I think a little more background might help. I hate to make any suggestions and make it worse.
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  #3  
October 10th, 2005, 04:38 AM
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Location: Boston,Ma.
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I have been with him for 3 years.She had just turned 3 when i met her.She now is 6.No there has been no attempt at all.No cards,no calls nothing.When they went to court(took him 2 years to find her for divorce) she signed papers and didnt even ask for visitation.
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  #4  
October 10th, 2005, 06:41 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
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That's really tough on a child when theire parent disappears like that. I have been with my husband since before his daughter turned 1. The boys were 2 and 3. The oldest boy is the only one who really remembered their mom when she left. He used to ask us if she was dead! We had to tell him she wasn't dead, she was just away right now. It took a couple of years, but she decided to start visiting them again. Now she sees them once a year.

It would be really hard to explain to a 6 year old that their mom is never coming back. Do you go to school with her in place of her mom if she needs it? Our kids don't call me mom because I didn't want to confuse them when they were little. But they tell people all the time that they have two moms.

How does your bf want to handle this? It's probably going to hurt her no matter what you tell her. She will probably think she did something wrong to make her mom leave. That's what most kids think. You will both have to reassure her of how special she is and that she didnt' do anything wrong.

Sorry I couldn't be more help. I hope everything goes okay. Keep us updated on how she's doing.
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  #5  
October 10th, 2005, 08:43 AM
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Location: Boston,Ma.
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Yes i do go to school functions and i try to be there for her as much as i can.I try to be the one buying clothes and just being the soft place for her to fall.BF does not know how to handle it.We have some pictures and a vudeo tape of her mom.We were going to sit her down and show her.Just not sure if thats to much for her to handle.We knew this day was coming.Not sure what to do
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  #6  
October 10th, 2005, 10:13 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
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i'm not sure if watching the video of her mom will make it easier or harder on her. How much does she know about her mom and why she isn't around? It might make her want to see her mom even more if she saw the pictures and video.
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  #7  
October 10th, 2005, 11:48 AM
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Location: Boston,Ma.
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She knows nothing about her mom and im sure does not remember anything about her.Her mom and my bf met in the military.They knew each other for a few months ran off got married and had her.They split a few months after she was born.the day she turned 1 mom passed her to him and said here you go.I am staying in the military.He was out at that time.So he took her and moved here and met me.5 years later still no mom.So thats the story.Maybe we should just tell her her job was very important so she gave you to daddy?I really dont know but we will need to tell her something soon.She cries alot whe overtired and says she misses her so much.I never really know what to say
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  #8  
October 10th, 2005, 12:24 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
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I don't really know what you can or should tell her about her mom. But I do know that when she talks about how much she misses her, you can tell her that you know that she misses her mom. And tell her that her dad and you both love her very much and that you will always be there for her when she needs you. Just make sure she knows that it was not her fault that her mom left. I know that most kids want to blame it on themselves. And she is so young to have to deal with emotions like that. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad that she has you there for her. It sounds like you care about her very much.
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  #9  
November 8th, 2005, 04:11 PM
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I recommend you contact a child psychologist before you start showing her video of her missing mother. You may end up doing more harm than good.
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  #10  
November 10th, 2005, 10:50 AM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by FallinDoll@Nov 8 2005, 04:11 PM
I recommend you contact a child psychologist before you start showing her video of her missing mother.* You may end up doing more harm than good.
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I agree! Good luck!
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