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how will my son react?


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  #1  
October 9th, 2005, 09:17 PM
megan
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Ok, i have a 2 1/2 year old son from my first marraige. My husband (stepdad) has been in my son's life since he was 9 months old, and he has called my husband Ra-Ra since he's known him. We are now expecting our daughter, due in december, and there will be alot more 'daddy' talk focused on my husband. I don't know what to expect from my son, and i really want to try to keep my son from calling my husband daddy because his real father would throw a fit. Besides we don't want to confuse my son (by calling 2 people daddy). My husband has always been much more of a Dad than my son's father has ever been, and he wouldn't mind at all for my son to call him daddy and i wouldn't mind either. But the main problem is my son's real father, and how he feels about it (wich i can understand , even though he is in my son's life very little.)

i guess i have 2 questions

1). How do we keep my son calling my husband by his 'name' Ra-Ra (short for Roscoe) instead of calling him daddy like our daughter will be calling him and ofcourse everyone else will be refering to my husband as 'daddy'.

2). How do I handle his real father if my son does adopt 'daddy' for my husband, no matter what we have tried.

thanks for the help, like i said i'm not sure what to expect.
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  #2  
October 10th, 2005, 06:48 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,098
I'm in a similar situation myself. I'm pregnant with my and DH"s first child toghether. We have full custody of his 3 from a previous marriage. I've been with him since before the youngest turned 1. I had the kids start calling me by my name because I didn't want to confuse them. Now they are 10, 9 and 7. They tell everyone that they have two moms. I'm just afraid that my baby is going to grow up calling me by my name since her older brothers and sister do.

Maybe you could have your son call your husband Daddy Ra-Ra if he starts calling him daddy. that way you could distinguish between the two of them.

If your son's dad gets mad about him calling his step-dad, daddy, maybe he should start playing a more important role in his life. There's really nothing he can do about it.

Sorry, I hope that at least helps a little.
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  #3  
October 10th, 2005, 07:04 AM
megan
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don't be sorry, lol, i didn't think about having him call my husband 'daddy ra-ra' if he does pick up daddy. Thats a good idea!!

and its also just good to hear someones opinion on what we could do and what they are going thru. When i was growing up my dad remarried but my stepmom never had another child so we didn't experiance that, i'm sure it is stressfull for you.

And you are right about my son's real father, if he gets upset maybe it will show him that he is not in his son's life enough!
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  #4  
October 10th, 2005, 10:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,098
Good luck! I'm sure everything will work out great. I'm sure your son is going to love having a baby sister. And hopefully his "real" dad will step up to the plate. We keep hoping the same thing about our kids "real" mom.
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  #5  
October 12th, 2005, 08:32 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 894
I am the step parent in our situation and we've been together since day 1. She calls me TT (couldn't say my name as a baby) and it has stuck. It's nice to have that 'special' name (like ra-ra). When DSD 's mom had baby#2 there was a lot of daddy talk in their house and she actually refered to her mom's bf as dad. DH and I corrected her (without making it a big deal) we just told her that was her brother's dad but that bf would be her stepdad someday, like i'm her stepmom. And that was it. It broke my husbands heart to hear her say bf was her dad since he has been there for her since the begining. I just explained to him that it was a little confusing for a 4 year old. But it was all short lived. She calls him (bf) by his name....and I'm still TT
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  #6  
October 13th, 2005, 11:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 9,053
I'm soon to be facing the same dilema. I have a 3 year old from a previous marriage & am 6 weeks pregnant. My daughter calls my SO by his 1st name but she will only be 4 when this baby is born. I don't know how she will deal with it. My SO has 2 daughters from his previous marriage - they live with their mom but will be with us sometimes. So that's 3 kids calling SO daddy.

In my mind, Lucy can call SO whatever she wants. I don't think my x has anything to say about it. He is barely in the picture - long story but by my choice. I do worry about how SOs daughters will feel about it though. They are already freaking about Lucy getting to spend more time with their dad. They don't know about the baby yet.
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  #7  
October 14th, 2005, 07:19 AM
alanjenniallie's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Utah
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I don't have step kids, but I grew up in a blended home. My little bro was 3 when my mom remarried. My biological dad was in and out of the picture all the time when we were growing up. My step dad had 3 kids from a previous marriage that we saw like 2 weekends a month because they lived with their mom. Anyhow, since our step dad was there for us above and beyond what should be expected out of any step dad, we all call(ed) him dad. My biological dad complained about it for years. Now that we are all grown up, my biological dad comes around A LOT more and he says he is grateful that we had our step dad to be there for us. Anyhow, it is a hard thing, but our mom just let us decide. She did not coach us to call him dad-we chose to. I do have a step mom though and I call her by her first name. She was kinda mean when we were kids! I don't know if it helps any, but it is a different perspective. It would have been hard NOT to call him dad, especially when my mother and him had 2 kids together. But we are kind of unusual because we don't call my step brother and sisters STEPS. My step dad claims us all as HIS kids. We have been blessed!
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  #8  
October 19th, 2005, 07:37 PM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DSD Rayelle 03/97, DSD Seryna, 06/01
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  #9  
October 26th, 2005, 04:13 AM
megan
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thanks for all the responses, i've been off line since the 11th so i'm just now catching up on everything that was posted.
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