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  #1  
October 10th, 2005, 02:21 PM
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I'm getting really nervous. My SO is planning to move in with me the end of November. He has 2 daughters from his previous marriage. 10 & 7. I've only met them 2 times. SO & I have only been together 8 months and the girls were having problems with daddy dating etc. Long story there plus SO's ex moved them 4 hours away.

Anyway, SO hasn't told them yet that he's moving in with me. We need to do that soon. I'm pushing because he has them for Thanksgiving.

On top of it all, we just found out the I'm pregnant. Obviously, it wasn't planned. I had serious fertility issues in the past. My D is an IVF baby. Anyway, we are thrilled with the prospect of the baby. The girls don't know yet as it too early. We don't want to tell them yet in case something goes wrong.

Anyway, it's probably that I'm hormonal but I'm freaking out about everything. I think the 7 year old will be ok with the baby but I know the 10 year old already is concerned about sharing her daddy with my d. My d will be thrilled. She'd love to have a baby sister or brother.

How do I make this all work? What happens when the baby is born & my d starts calling SO daddy like the baby????? A little background, her biological father is barely in the picture.

Help!!!!! Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Kris
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  #2  
October 11th, 2005, 08:25 AM
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My dh has a dd from a previous marriage who was 9 when we met. She does pretty well. But the BM is a pain and says DD doesnt like me, but when she is with us she loves to do things with me. So I dont know how much advice I can offer.

All I can say, is to be honest with them and tell them sooner than later about moving in together. I would wait till you get past 12wks before telling them about the baby. Just always be honest and consistent and have the same rules for all kids regardless of who the real parent is. Good Luck!
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  #3  
October 11th, 2005, 08:44 AM
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Thanks Jen.

I'm having the same experience. When I'm with the older one everything is fine. She's a great kid. Then she goes home & we hear stories.

I don't think it helped that she told her mom that "Kris is thin, pretty & smart"
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  #4  
October 11th, 2005, 10:41 AM
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yes, it didnt help that I chose to be a sahm and her mom works which has become an issue. Her mother tells her Im lazy and I need to get a job. She apparently doesnt recognize that raising two children and being here to watch her child is a job. If I werent home her daughter would be going to daycare or to someone we didnt know. But I guess she prefers that.
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  #5  
October 11th, 2005, 11:52 AM
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I think a lot of the time the birth mother is jealous of the stepmom. Especially when the kids take to the stepmom really well. They are probably afraid that someone else is doing a better job of raising their child than they could. I used to have problems with DH's ex calling my in-laws to complain about me and anything I did even though she lives 14 hours away. Now that we've been together for over 6 years she has gotten over a lot of it and can carry on a conversation with me about the kids. I think she felt threatened by me at first but now she realizes that we don't say anything negative about her to the kids.
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  #6  
October 11th, 2005, 12:00 PM
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Thanks this is all new to me.

The funny thing with the bio mom is she has a boyfriend - well had him before SO & her divorced. So I don't get it.

I guess it's the I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him either thing.
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  #7  
October 11th, 2005, 02:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lucysmom@Oct 11 2005, 02:00 PM
Thanks this is all new to me.*

The funny thing with the bio mom is she has a boyfriend - well had him before SO & her divorced.* So I don't get it.

I guess it's the I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him either thing.
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I think that's a lot of it. Maybe they start to realize how good of a man they lost. I think your bf should definitely talk to the girls soon about moving in together. And when you do decide to tell the girls about your pregnancy, he will just need to re-inforce to them that he will still love them as much as ever. They will probably love being big sisters and helping you with the baby. It might just take some time to get used to it.
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