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( Im just re-posting this for another fourm i posted this on.. i know most of you know our history... but here it is again! :-p thanks ladies for any advice! This is seriously bothering me! )
I really would like some advice.
First off i'll start with some back ground.
We are not married. Been together since 2009. But had a small break last year regarding level issues. Our time apart realized we are really meant together and been together ever since!. I met my BF when is was barely 21 (just turned 21 actually). I was 23 when i met him.
We have known each other for 2 years now. And been together most of that time as explained above.
Me and my BF know we want to get married. We are hoping in the summer of 2013!. So still awhile but i cant wait to marry my soulmate! We also want to wait till our careers are set . He is going to school to be a cop( almost done!) and possibly getting a job with a police department he has volunteered at since he was 14!. Im going to school t be a nurse!. We want to move in together this fall.
So he is kind of a mommys boy (even tho he hates when i say that!) but he still lives at home (which is fine) and his mom does some stuff for him... just little things but still!.Such as makes his lunches and does his laundry, cooks for him, buys some of his clothes ect. Hes family is big time Catholics!. They have to go to church each sunday. He is pretty much forced.He went to a private school ect.
I really LOVE his family..they are great... but they worry to much about my BF! its really frustrating to me. We talked about buying a house in possibly 2012/2013. and moving in together this fall.
He hasnt told them about it yet. He worries they will disown him.Or judge him.. he is "perfect" in their eyes. Such as he does pretty much whatever they want. Like i said i LOVE them they are great. But they are worried to much about him and he is an adult. So one of his sisters thought we were going to get engaged. And his mom asked him.. we are like ***!. his mom is worried abut him "moving to fast" although i dont think we are moving to fast. His mom told him that she doesnt want him to live with me until 2 more years! Like ***!. Thats long away. I told him i wont get a house until we live together first. Im really upset by this. Because its not like we havent been datting long! And his mom gave him the talk about how they are catholics and this is how our family does stuff ect..
So now our plan of moving in together in the fall isnt even FORSURE now. I have a child from a prev relationship but thats a whole other story! BTW his parents like my DD. its more his extend family and "family Events" such as XMAS... like i said another story lol
But anyways if you read this far... any ideas or thoughts? Im just frustrated. i talked to my bf about it and he knows how i feel. I just feel his mom is trying to hold us back because of religion issues.
Any thoughts would be great!
Single mommy to the most amazing child in this entire world!
If he isn't a devout catholic it shouldn't be an issue. But honestly...he she does more than just "some stuff" for him. Before I would even consider moving in with him he would need make his own lunch, wash his own clothes, cook his own dinner, and clean his own everything. Anything that he is used to his mom doing will obviously be transferred to you whether he says it or not. It just won't get done if you don't do it. If he can't grow up and mature enough to respect you over his family than you need to wait until he can before you go any farther than you have now. Being a catholic by any sense of the word he should know that the Bible says that a man will leave his mother and father and he and his wife shall become one. If he loves you and is going to marry you than he needs to ally with you rather than his family. If he is wishy washy now, he will be wishy washy later. You need to make a decision. You can love him now and love who he is now but if you had to confront his family every time you two are making a big decision and he won't stand up to his mom for fear of his family disowning him than you need to stop where you are and re-evaluate your situation. I know this sounds harsh and I understand that I don't know the whole situation but from everything you said it doesn't sound like he is ready to move in with you, get married, buy a house, or go against his family. Before I would make any serious commitments I would have to see him go against his family and see if he will support you in a tough situation. If he won't support you then you need to re-evaluate it this is really what you want. You have to look at he good and bad in a relationship and family ties are stronger than just a little pet-peve...they can and do tear strong marriages apart... Again, I am sorry to be so harsh, I just don't want to see you get hurt so I want you to at least consider these things and watch and see if they change...
Thanks for the advice! But he has done all them things.. but his mom just wants to do themm..IDK why!. when his mom goes on trips for like a month he does his own.. but i dont mean to make him sound helpless...
My BF isnt big on religion at all! but he said to me tonight that he will talk to them how he feels. B,c i agree i wouldnt move in with him until he sets it straight!. Alhough he has backed me up alot with his family.. but i told him he cant let them get into our relationship.. Dont get me WRONG they are great great people!!! but just this whole religion thing is going OVER BOARD! and i told my BF he cant let them control our relationship or it will NEVER last. I know him.. he wouldnt let anything ruin OUR relationship. He told and has showed me he doesnt/cant live without me. I am convinced in that. But i have thought of this ALOT. and i told him that he needs to step up now that he is talking serious commitments with me.
He is really such a wonderful boyfriend! He does alot for me. So im really greatful for everything he does! but yes i totally understand what your saying and i agree.
Single mommy to the most amazing child in this entire world!
Last edited by sweetiez; February 11th, 2011 at 08:27 PM.
At the end of the day, chances are his family won't change - so the change has to come from you & your BF. You need to accept that they are like this & not let it bother you, and your BF needs to start making his own decisions based on what HE feels & thinks & not what his Mum thinks is right for him.
I can understand it must be hard to let your child go into the big wide world & make their own life - and there are probably some parents who find it harder to let go than others (his Mum sounds like one of those!)... but if you guys go through the rest of your relationship, letting his family have a say in all your decisions, you're only going to end up holding it against your BF, which in turn is going to have a negative effect on your relationship.
I think when religion is part of the equation it makes things even harder...
My Dad's family is Catholic. My Dad is not/was not a devout Catholic but it didn't matter because the family was. My parents eloped, but when my Grandmother found out they had to have a proper Catholic wedding in the Church including my Baptist Mother taking Catholocism classes. And my Dad IS an independent person. He paid his entire way through college and worked full time. He didn't live at home either, he lived out of town where the University is.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that religion is a huge huge huge deal. Even if he says it's not a big deal to him he goes to church with his family right? He goes through the motions at least. His family is going to push for a Catholic wedding. They are not going to approve of you living together out of wedlock. Whether it's right or not it's really hard for anyone to sit down and choose between their SO and their family. In an ideal situation he would have stood up and taken charge of his life a long time ago and his Mom would be just peachy with her son becoming a man. But it doesn't sound like that applies here.