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Why the split....


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  #1  
September 27th, 2011, 12:28 PM
RayofHope's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: California
Posts: 6,475
I'm new here and would just like to know why everyone is here. If you want to share of course. No pressure.

My name is Lydia Mom to Hope 4 and Ray 2. BD and I have been split for 10-11 months now. I left him last year for 3 reasons. 1. His Anger- I couldn't expose my kids to his outburst any longer. 2. His drug habit- He is a pothead and I was in no way going to raise my kids like that. He was constantly telling me he stopped and before long I'd catch him using again. He probably never really quit at all. 3. He has no ambition in life and just settles for whatever. (Which is probably due to reason #2) I want my kids to know life is about setting goals reaching them and then setting some more.

I was raised in a disfunctional home so I'm just trying to break the cycle.
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  #2  
September 27th, 2011, 12:44 PM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Stavanger, NORWAY.
Posts: 6,428
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Arguing, fighting, controlling and cheating I suppose

I'm Anniken and mommy to Tanja who's 3.5, been single mom since she was 3-4 months old
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  #3  
September 27th, 2011, 02:54 PM
Alaska-Su's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Fairbanks, AK
Posts: 2,352
Well I broke up with FOB last November actually because I couldn't stand his anger issues anymore. The final straw was him yelling at me about how stupid it is to cook bacon in the oven. I had just mentioned I did it once and didn't care for it, and he exploded going on and on about how bacon is not supposed to be cooked in the oven and how it was just as stupid as putting milk in your eggs. And of course, when I was mad about him yelling at me he told me to get out. But then when he tried to text me an hour later and I was still angry, he said, "So is this is? Are we breaking up?" he would do that each and every time he'd get mad at me and kick me out and I wouldn't respond. So this time I told him yeah, we're breaking up.

But boredom and loneliness sets in as does the need for sex and since he was the only guy I knew...yeah.

Other than that I'm not with him now because I will not raise my child with a father like him. He is too much like my own dad and I vowed I would never let my children go through the same mess I did. Getting yelled at for stupid things and the parent being hypocritical. You know, getting mad at the kid for poking you in the arm repeatedly after you told him to stop and the stupid thing is that you taught him to do that because you were poking him first and wouldn't stop after he asked you to stop. I really can't stand that.

And he's irresponsible. He drinks while he's got his first child over for the night. He lives with his mom and step-dad who are both on disability. Only the step-dad could take the child to the hospital should something happen but the fact that FOB gets himself drunk while his child is there and asleep, and it's not guaranteed that the step-dad could rush the kid to the hospital if need be, it's dangerous. FOB has a drinking problem, I won't expose my child to it.

Other than that, FOB is disrespectful to those around him as well as me. He'll sit there and fuss at his first child, telling him to be respectful but will turn around and call a woman who is a size 16 at most (I was a size 20 pre-pregnancy) a fat b*tch when she wasn't rude to him or anything. And he'll say it right in front of his son. When it comes to me, while we were dating, he would see some model-type chick and say, "D*mn, the things I'd do to her." I'd be sitting right next to him. And when I told him I didn't like it and it hurt my feelings he got upset with me and would say stupid things like, "I think you're beautiful and so what if I say that stuff, I find all types of women attractive." He just didn't get it. He likes to pride himself on being respectful, but he's not.

He self-sabatoges too. He can't keep a job and I think it's because he secretly doesn't want to.

There's a lot more, but this is long enough as is.

And I'm Sarah, pregnant with my first. Due November 5th. Welcome to the board.
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  #4  
September 27th, 2011, 05:44 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
DD1's father - we were 'on/off/on/off' for about 3 years - at the time I got pregnant, we were more 'casual' than anything, but we decided to give it a decent go - but he kept deciding he didn't want a relationship. I was in love with him so 'accepted' us just being 'friends with benefits'.. then out of the blue he told me he'd cheated on me and I broke up with him.. then a few days later he told me he'd LIED & it was a 'test' to see how much I cared for him??? ***... anyway he shot himself in the foot because although I did give him '1 more go' after that, I VERY quickly realised I no longer loved him & that me & Gaby both deserved more than he was offering. After we broke up for good he THEN decided he loved me, that we were soulmates... blah blah, to the point of telling me when I was in a relationship with another man that I had 'dropped my standard's.. which was hilarious because K. was the most amazing man I've ever been with.. And then when I found out I was pregnant with Emersyn, he told me he hoped the baby died..... THEN when I broke up with Emersyn's father, he suggested we "raise the baby together" & that he would "be the babies dad"... I THINK NOT.

Emersyn's father.... he was a bit of a gambler & got done for DUI - and expected me to take him to work & pick him up from work - after midnight 5 nights a week, for the duration of my pregnancy.. we had a fight about stuff one day & he told me that I always 'picked Gaby over him' & that I had to 'decide whose side i was on'..... uhhh yea, bye-bye-birdy.. Any man that tries to make me choose between him & my own child can just get the f*ck out of my house. I kicked him out when I was about 11w pregnant.
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  #5  
September 27th, 2011, 08:41 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,925
Welcome here Lydia and Anniken .

I'm Traci Mom to Brendan whose 7 yrs old . I have been a single mom since Brendan was 6 months even tho I wish I had left when I was pregnant with Brendan but I was in a belief that he would get closer when he realized our child survived and is healthy besides smart because I had 2 losses before I had Brendan .

So that is why I stayed put thru the pregnancy even tho he wasn't there for me during it as I attended appts all by myself and I should have left him after he dropped me off at a parenting class alone while he went to play on his computer .

Even after I had Brendan my son's dad was completely mean to me as in Verbally and emotionally mean but I still stayed with him but what got me to leave him was his action when Brendan ended up with a high fever as in 103.5 temp . I knew I had some infant fever reducer meds but then I saw it was the Motrin kind as in Brendan was too young to have Motrin because he wasn't quite 6 months et but close to it anyhow .

So I asked his Dad if he could go get some medicine from the Store as it could have Been Ralphs or 711 as in 7 blocks away either way like a 2-3 minute drive at least instead his response was why don't you do it yourself, let him sweat it out , and then he fell asleep on the Futon on the living room floor .

So then I called up the nurse line so she told me I could give Motrin but just do a little tiny bit of it and Brendan was just fine as his fever went down.

It really got me going Wow at his actions and angry too as in how could he not help his son out when he needed it instead he was like its just a fever its no big deal but its a big deal when its a fever in a baby .

Anyhow, so mom bought us tickets to go home and Brendan dad thought we left because we didn't get moved in to a 2 bdrm apartment .

I kept trying to explain to him but he was like huh and he even stated how he was so hurt that we left him and that he missed to have his headaches back can you believe it he reffered to both of us as headaches .

Then last year he wrote a note how he can't stand living in that apartment anymore where both of us used to live because of too much memories . I was like it taken him that long to figure out we were not coming back ?

Plus, I had tried so hard to have Brendan and his dad connect with each other but he wrote on there you don't want me in your life so I won't be .

Then he finally returned all the stuff I had been asking for since I moved back to Montana it took him around 6 yrs to do that .

He kept sending the child support for awhile after he moved then it stopped as the last Child support check was in April no more since then besides that he lied of which address he was at .
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Last edited by Mom2Brendan; September 27th, 2011 at 08:43 PM.
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  #6  
September 28th, 2011, 04:38 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
dylan and jessies dad passed away in 2008..


i was dating aaron (ava dad) for about 4ish months and he broke it off with me two times cause he was busy with music blah blah blah

when i told him i was pregnant we figured we be friends and take it from there..out of the blue he decided we were just going to be friends..then i found out he went back with his wife..he said he made a compromise to not play music much..what a loser
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  #7  
September 28th, 2011, 09:45 AM
joey_emmysmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: LaMarque Texas
Posts: 589
I'm Brandy mommy to Joe Jr 9 and Emily Rosemarie 6 and Baby#3 due in March.
I left Big Joe in Nov. 2010 because of his drinking which makes him very mean he hit me and I left the next day with my kids. We were split up until May 21st when he had shown me he had cut down on drinking and REALLY had changed and he really had I ended up pregnant around the 27-31st (wasn't suppose to be able to get pregnant) We were doing really great until the week after Fathers day and I found out he was still talking to the girl he had been talking to while we were split so I told him he needed to figure out if it was our family or her well he couldn't make up his mind so I made it for him and left.
I found out 2 weeks later I was pregnant.
Needless to say him and her are no longe together for over a month now (she found someone elses husband she wanted more) Now he is realizing he screwed up but I don't know that I want to go back this time.
I love that man with everything I have but there is only so much you can take, and I think I have taken enough. We were really happy the first 7 years of our marriage and then things went down hill then they started to look up again then just busted into flames.
It seems everytime I think things are good he screws things up again.

That's why I'm here. I'm still married but single at the moment
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  #8  
September 28th, 2011, 01:08 PM
orrickster's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Bloomington, Illinois
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I'm Steph, mom to Kaisen, 2.

I split with FOB in Feb of 2010 when Kaisen was 7 months old. FOB was insecure, needy, clingy. I slowly grew uncomfortable in the relationship after K was born and instead of being patient and helping and trying to understand, FOB started arguments every night because I wasn't giving him what he needed. After months of arguments I decided I couldn't take it and decided to take a break. I moved in with my parents. About a week or 2 later FOB starts seeing someone else and less than a month later this girl moved into the apartment FOB and I had shared. Come to find out FOB had been cheating on my for about a year by the time I left.
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  #9  
September 29th, 2011, 07:24 PM
Crystal713's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Ohio
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Crystal mom to Evan, Eli, Lily, and baby due June 3d.

Me and the ex went through a rough patch last year. Both of my parents died and I had an awful and painful 9 months with our daughter (could barely get off the couch most days) and felt like my ex was not there for me. We were very distant and we decided to take some time apart and get some space to figure things out. But within 3 weeks of him leaving he had found a girlfriend and completely forgot about our 3 children. Him and the girl broke up and he thought he could come crawling back but I wasnt having it, our family was not going to be second choice so I refused. Ended up having "ex sex" one night and here I am, pregnant with number 4! Whom he also wants nothing to do with. But Im a fantastic single mom to 3 and I will be to 4!

Thats my very short version
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  #10  
September 30th, 2011, 06:41 PM
Bekah's Avatar happy 2 be a girl mommy!
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 11,841
hi

I'm Rebekah, mama to Sophia, Eden, and baby #3 due in late april. I am here because my DH was completely immature, selfish, and a compulsive liar. But he LEFT me! We have split up twice not seriously, Once last year seriously for about a year, and just again about 3 months ago. I am FINALLY ready to move on with my life though, he was always talking about me behind my back to his friends, he was a compulsive spender, and definitely a compulsive selfish liar. I don't believe he really loved us at all, he went behind my back and got stoned all the time (when he told me he only did it once in his life and wouldn't want to ever again) And I am pretty sure he cheated on me but don't know for sure. He left and never came back at the beginning of August, I found out I was pregnant August 17th. We have barely talked and he has made NO effort for this baby or his other kids. I fully plan on divorce after I have this baby.
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Last edited by Bekah; September 30th, 2011 at 06:43 PM.
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  #11  
September 30th, 2011, 10:04 PM
lala2007's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Florida
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Welcome to the family!!! Well my name is Joy 23 and I have a beautiful daughternick named Ladybug who is 1. I have been a single mom since my daughter was born. Me and her dad broke up in April of last year when I caught him cheating on me while I was 6 months pregnant. After the baby was born we tried working it out. The girl he cheated on me with endedup breaking up with him. He would never stop cheating on me and I couldn't trust him. The final straw was him lying about a 15 year old he was traveling out of town to have sex with. I have no feelings for him as of now. Iwill never go back to him or let him come back. He does nothing for my baby.
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