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  #1  
October 23rd, 2011, 12:41 PM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,009
A little background... My son's father, K and I broke up when our son, Alex, was 1 month old, he will be 7 in Feb. K rarely takes Alex. Alex was diagnosed with autism when he was 3.5 and while he is high functioning and does really well, he doesn't do well with change. K and I have remained civil towards each other and kind of friends I guess you could say.
So yesterday K called me and asked if he could take Alex to a pumpkin patch and would drop him back off around supper time. I said yes and everything went well. Well when he dropped him off last night, he asked if he could take Alex today for a couple hours so they could carve the pumpkins they had gotten. Again I said yes and didn't think much of it.
Well he never called and never showed up today and Alex had alot of behaviors because of it. With any change in plans, Alex doesn't do well and his only way of expressing it (he is verbal but doesn't verbalize this) is having meltdowns. So now when K does tells Alex that he will pick him up and doesn't show up I am the one left to deal with the meltdowns and try to explain to Alex why his dad didn't show up This is not the first time he has done this either.
On FB K posted something about being revitalized after a nap and I responded, "The nap you took when you never showed up to take your son to carve pumpkins like you told him you would and I had to deal with the behaviors about?"
Do you think I was out of line or would you have done the same thing in my position?
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  #2  
October 23rd, 2011, 03:36 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
for me personally i would hae said the same thing!!!!! so a nap was more important then coming to get his son? the one he told he would pick up!!..thats mean of him to do that..not only to you buy poor alex
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  #3  
October 24th, 2011, 12:09 AM
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: LaMarque, Tx
Posts: 43
I don't think you were mean enough. lol I am just a sarcastic B when it comes to things like that. Big Joe always does that kind of crap and I hate it and he knows it.
Saturday he went to an all day concert and yesterday our dd asked him if he wanted to go to a birthday party with us and he told me he wasn't really feeling up to anything like that. He is feeling sorry for himself since he was laid off on Friday (which I get feeling down about that cause I myself am upset about that) but he felt good enough to go to a concert all day the day before. Hello priorities please.
UGH MEN!!!
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  #4  
October 24th, 2011, 12:56 AM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,009
Thanks ladies. Shortly after posting that he texted me and apologized and said it was a busy day. What a bunch of crap, we all have days that are busy but we don't promise our children something when we know we are not going to the time to fullfill that promise. Then he deleted the post. UGH!!! Sorry to rant and rave but he just makes me mad when he pulls stuff like this. He asked if he could come over today and carve the pumpkin with Alex and I told him ok but it in no way shape or form makes up for him ditching Alex yesterday.
I have told him multiple times what any change does to Alex and he just doesn't seem to get it. He is never around to see it so I don't think he will ever get it. If he shows up tonight we will be having a long discussion, I am going to tell him that he is either going to keep his promises he makes to Alex or he won't be seeing him anymore. If he isn't sure he can do something with Alex he needs to let me know about it when Alex isn't around and when he is sure that it can happen, I can tell Alex about it.
I hate seeing Alex suffer because his dad just doesn't get it and it won't be happening any more.
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  #5  
October 24th, 2011, 12:59 AM
AlexKatieAiden Mommy's Avatar Linda
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 3,009
Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeToTheMax View Post
I would have said the same thing; however, I would have said something over a priavte message or a phone call so that the issue could actually be disussed. Not saying you are out of line and I know everyone hasndifferent communication modes. For me, though, it's easier to have a dialogue about issues like these. Did he ever tell you why he didn't show? Have you expressed to him how important it is that he be accountable when he makes plans with Alex?
I usually do text him or call him but figured maybe it would be a wake up call to him if I posted it on facebook for all his friends to see. He tries to portray himself as a great dad so I knew it would get his attention. Maybe it will help and maybe it won't but just talking to him privately wasn't working so I had to try something new.
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  #6  
October 24th, 2011, 08:19 AM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
I would have said the same thing; however, I would have said something over a priavte message or a phone call so that the issue could actually be disussed. Not saying you are out of line and I know everyone hasndifferent communication modes. For me, though, it's easier to have a dialogue about issues like these. Did he ever tell you why he didn't show? Have you expressed to him how important it is that he be accountable when he makes plans with Alex?
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  #7  
October 24th, 2011, 01:01 PM
orrickster's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Bloomington, Illinois
Posts: 2,164
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I would have said something just as mean or meaner! That's awful for him to ditch his son no matter how busy he was! He was well aware of the plans he made with his son, so maybe he should have thought about that before making himself so "busy" that day that he needed a freaking nap. Really?! No matter how busy their day is, custodial parents do NOT get naps!

I had to cancel FOB's visitation last Wednesday night because Kaisen went home sick from daycare and I didn't want him sitting at FOB's moldy house all night. I told FOB he could have him another night. Thursday, he was still somewhat sick so I text FOB that night asking him what time he was off on Friday. He never answered me and never text about getting Kaisen another day. I'm happy for the extra time with Kaisen, but it pisses me off. I mean he's only 2, so he doesn't know when he goes with Dad yet and doesn't understand that, but here's to the future!
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  #8  
October 24th, 2011, 01:48 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,925
Totally mean its so mean of your son dad to promise to do something then not do it .
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