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  #1  
November 6th, 2011, 01:39 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
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Last edited by Mom2DyJessAva; April 14th, 2013 at 02:23 AM.
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  #2  
November 6th, 2011, 02:05 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
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I found this whenever I took Stu back, or even when I tried to be friends with him... and like you said it's VERY mentally exhausting.. It isn't fun to be the only one that really wants to work on making things work - they can SAY they want to be friends, they'll be a great dad, they'll be there, blah blah blah, but they seem to change their minds very easily, and I think a lot of the time it's a case of them deciding they really don't want to change, once the baby arrives. It's SO easy for them to say the right things, but putting those words into actions? a LOT harder. *we* don't have a choice, but they do... and they seem to make the most of that fact!

When it got to breaking point with Gaby's Dad I just decided that was it & that I was going to concentrate on me & her, not expecting anything from him, and that way I couldn't be disappointed. Well, let down - I was always disappointed. You don't realise until you decide to just let them be, how much time and energy you spent on them, and on worrying/thinking about them...

that is why when things got bad with Emmy's Dad, that was IT. I didn't have the capacity to deal with all that over again
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  #3  
November 7th, 2011, 07:05 AM
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I totally agree its mentally exhausting as I tried so hard to get Brendan's dad to be a part in the picture . I welcomed him , called him so Brendan could hear his daddy talk to him. When I realized it was me doing the effort and he didn't do anything on his own that I gave up and I have lot less stress !

Also, we are so wanting to compromise with them in hopes that they will be who they will end up to be when they say they will do that then you just feel tricked all over again when they don't do that !
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  #4  
November 7th, 2011, 01:16 PM
orrickster's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Bloomington, Illinois
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I've given up all hope of ever having a good relationship with Kaisen's dad. The only reason is because he really disappoints me quite often with how he acts towards me to doesn't seem to care about Kaisen's health. This way, if he does do something nice, it's unexpected and makes me feel better.

But then, I'm not in a relationship with my ex and have learned that he can be quite a failure sometimes.

I think, in any relationship, people should have expectations from their partner. You have a right to expect that Aaron want to be there with you, go to doctors appointments, do his part with the baby and keep his promises. You can't go into a relationship thinking that it revolves around you, that you don't have to do any changing or make sacrifices or give up whatever free time you have. A relationship like that will never last.

My brother is that way. The world seriously revolves around him and what he wants and what he should be doing. If there is a football game on, screw his family (girlfriend and 2 year old son), the game is his number 1 priority. If he wants to work on his race car, fix something with his truck, play video games, then the world stops so he can do those things. And if any one dare complain, boy do they get a mouthful.

It seems that Aaron is a bit that way. And with that, you'll always hope that he'll one day come to his senses and realize what's more important. Maybe that will happen when the baby comes. Chances are it will probably get worse. He'll realize what a hassle having a baby is and he'll be gone for longer periods of time, always making excuses.

And maybe I'm completely wrong. I hope I am. Maybe you should have a chat with him about what you expect or what you would like to see. He may not agree, but you have a right to say something. You are in a relationship with him right?
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  #5  
November 10th, 2011, 12:27 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: chicopee ma
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For a while I thought we were heading that way..with the closeness etc..but he has pushed me away again..He said that the only thing he can promise is a strong friendship and to be a great father. In those words I have pushed myself away.

its either he wants me or he doesnt. He cant keep switching and I cant keep holding on

He makes excuses for things and i understand things are stressful for him right now (he bought a jeep that turned out as junk, in search of a newer one, and his wife is moving out saturday morning) but what he fails to realize is im stressed to! but im able to control them and set them aside for when it comes to people which is something he cant do..

He sends mixed signals and I hate it..The other night he sent a picture of us..It was the only picture we ever took and he never sent it to me because he said he looked terrible..Asked if i remembered that night (how could I not)...I still wonder why he sent it and why did he save it?..He brought up the fact that after this weekend we can hang out at his place again and we will watch movies (which is something he said we couldnt do back in july being just friends--confusing right?)

So on the "wife" issue...Shes moving out saturday morning and is now "in a relationship" LOL..so that was quick..and it explains the reason for moving out so fast. I dont think its the last of her but I could be wrong. I know she is local now which doesnt really mean anything I guess
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  #6  
November 10th, 2011, 07:34 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: LaMarque, Tx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1blue2pinks View Post
For a while I thought we were heading that way..with the closeness etc..but he has pushed me away again..He said that the only thing he can promise is a strong friendship and to be a great father. In those words I have pushed myself away.

its either he wants me or he doesnt. He cant keep switching and I cant keep holding on

He makes excuses for things and i understand things are stressful for him right now (he bought a jeep that turned out as junk, in search of a newer one, and his wife is moving out saturday morning) but what he fails to realize is im stressed to! but im able to control them and set them aside for when it comes to people which is something he cant do..

He sends mixed signals and I hate it..The other night he sent a picture of us..It was the only picture we ever took and he never sent it to me because he said he looked terrible..Asked if i remembered that night (how could I not)...I still wonder why he sent it and why did he save it?..He brought up the fact that after this weekend we can hang out at his place again and we will watch movies (which is something he said we couldnt do back in july being just friends--confusing right?)

So on the "wife" issue...Shes moving out saturday morning and is now "in a relationship" LOL..so that was quick..and it explains the reason for moving out so fast. I dont think its the last of her but I could be wrong. I know she is local now which doesnt really mean anything I guess


I totally get where you are coming from. I am dealing with the same stuff from Joe right now we get in a really good spot and start to get close and then bam it's like where did that guy from yesterday go. The mixed signals are a B**** to handle but I (and I'm sure you too) just keep trying and I think we do it more for the kids then for ourselves really. We want that man to be a man and be in our childs life. We want them to do all the things that they promised they would do. Then we get the scared little boy act and we just keep on. It's the word insanity that comes to mind when I think about it because we just keep doing the same thing over and over and hope that the outcome will change one day. It probably won't but we can always hope that one day they will grow up and actually see what is right in front of them.
I hope you get what you want from him and that he grows up.
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