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With all that's happened I feel a bit overwhelmed from time to time. I sit and think about how much my life is now changed and it scares me sometimes.
To top it all off, my sister went back home to Oregon today and I miss her terribly. I hate it that she moved. What sucks is that she could have easily gotten a job in L&D at the hospital here because that's where she did her preceptorship for nursing school. But her husband really wanted to move to Oregon and she really likes it there, too, though she wouldn't have had any qualms about moving to Fairbanks.
I feel at a loss without her here. I can't sleep right now because I'm upset about it all. Things are so different now. And the rest of November is going to go fast, as well as December and before I know it it'll be January and I'll have to start looking for a job. Then I'll have to juggle a job as well as William and deal with most likely being a nervous wreck about him being in daycare.
I really wish things had gone differently and I had at least been with a decent guy if not married. Though he's been really good as of late (most likely due to him having a girlfriend now). I almost wish I could fast forward things so I can be at the part where I'm used to it all.
His father doesn't work right now, but him taking care of William is out of the question. He might be doing better when it comes to me but he's still the same old guy when it comes to his parenting skills. When he and his first son came to see William in the hospital I think the kid felt that if he got to excited his dad would get onto him. He was super quiet and I could see him holding back.
I live with my mom so she helps out when she's here if I really need her, but for the most part I have to do it myself. What sucks is that she never seems to get him when he's fussy. At the hospital she stayed with me during the day when William slept pretty much the entire time. At night, when my sister was there, William was fussy. Night time and early morning are when all his antibiotics were given. My mom doesn't have any idea how William is. I know she understands fussy babies, having had three kids, but still.