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I don't even know what to say... After over a year of not seeing Danny ex-dh called tonight. He asked how Danny was and after giving him an update of the last 6 months (a medical nightmare) he seemed hardly concerned. Even when I told him that he will likely be getting a feeding tube he wasn't concerned sounding at all. Then he had the gall to tell me that he found a way to get rid of his arrears (over $35k) if I would agree. All I have to do is forgive them. WTH??? Really? You are even suggesting that to me?!?!?! You don't call, show up, ask about your son for over a year and are barely doing anything for the three before that andyou have the nerve to ask me to forgive the 2 years that you paid NOTHING before the state started garnishing your wages?!?!?! On top of that he says that he is looking into getting a 2 bedroom apartment so that he can "spend MORE time" with Danny. Simply looking at a photo would be spending more time with him! I am pretty sure he is just blowing smoke like he always has. He has only actually wanted to see him once and even then he had no car seat so I had to take him to HIS mom's for Christmas!!! He has seen him a few times for a few minutes here and there...literally no more than 5 minutes at a time at at least 3-4 month intervals and even that stopped last december... Danny is considered medically fragile. He has MANY needs that you need to be trained for if you don't care for him on a regular basis. The preschool has been trained, my mom has been trained and has still messed up and no one else keeps him aside from during church (downstairs during service) EVER (at least since my only trusted sitter quit). I CANNOT trust him to take care of Danny...period. I know how he has been since we separated in 08 and I will NOT subject Danny to that environment. Even if we meet outside of his "dwelling place" (which would be a whole other story) he chain smokes... If Danny gets near cigarrette smoke or smells it on something (a chair that a heavy smoker has been sitting in) his asthma flares up big time... How on earth would that work??? I am really trying not to stress out about this whole "I want to see him more" stuff but I can't help but worry about what will happen to Danny if he actually follows through this time... :'( I am so torn up and this is me trying to not worry about it. I don't even want to think about what it would be like if I let myself worry about it... :'(
It almost sounds like he says that stuff more to drive you nuts and "scare" you or to get you to offer a deal or something...Does he have any court ordered visitations? If he doesn't just make him fight for it thru the courts or go by your terms... Stupid men.
If he does have court ordered visitation tha the hasn't been using, I would return to court and have the court order decreased, because he's not using AND because of Danny's medical reasons. Have the doctor write a letter explaining Danny's health needs and all the training involved. The court will either require his dad to become properly trained or SHOULD limit his time.
__________________ Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)
He's doing more harm to Danny than good with barely seeing him rather than not seeing him at all. It sounds like the only reason he contacted you was to see if you would forgive the arrears and wanted to add something like seeing Danny more to make him sound better or whatever. He may actually want to see his son way deep down, but just isn't up for the challenge and ultimately the struggles to help with his son just aren't worth it.
I have come to the conclusion that he likely just called to ask me to forgive the arrears. He has always said that he "will be getting straightened out so that he can see Danny more" blah blah blah. I should have known better by now... I already called his allergy/asthma doctor about getting a letter regarding the smoking issue. At least that will be in writing now so I won't have to argue that I just "created it." To keep him from seeing him.
Since our divorce papers were drawn up in March of 09 he has had 0 visitation days per year...which he agreed to. :/ Sad but true at the time...but I am SOOO glad it has been that way.