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if this turns out super long I am sorry, I know this board is kind of slow so I am not expecting many responses just wanted to get it all out. I wish this board was more active because I am the only single mom in my DDC and don't feel comfortable posting my shiz over there.
So for about the past week or so my ex and I have been on better terms, I am sick of fighting with him and just want my kids to have a father (he has also agreed he won't be disrespectful to me anymore, which has been the main reason he hasn't gotten anywhere with me)
Yesterday we were having a facebook conversation because we were supposed to take the kids out but the weather stopped us (this will have been the first time he would have seen them in 6 months) We discussed some off topic things because I wanted advice on camera lenses and he is sort of a photographer. The conversation turned again because I was afraid our conversation made him uncomfortable so I brought up how I wanted us to be friends because we were a family no matter what whether we were together or not....
He pretty much took that as me telling him I wanted to get back together (or thinking I wanted to at some point) and told me all he wanted was to be able to talk about the kids and other topics and thats IT and that yes we made a family but pretty much shouldn't have to act like it because he didn't want any type of relationship with me because he thought it was better for both of us and has decided he will be "forever single and alone" because he f***** up and must suffer the consequences. He says all other girls do is fill a "void" and I am the only person he ever wanted to spend his life with and no other girl will ever be that for him.
But yet he doesn't want ANY sort of relationship with me and pretty much threw our relationship down the tube with no explanation and never came back. seriously ***??? how should this make me feel? I am so confused, I know he was an idiot and totally took me for granted. But why does he chose to be forever alone when I was right there? and now he pretty much wants to act like complete strangers who have kids together and nothing else?? Anyone have any explanations on his behaviour? I just want to curl up into a ball and cry, and now he is avoiding me because he still has yet to tell me what happened 6 months ago and "doesn't want to talk about it"
if you got this far I applaud you because that turned out really drawn out. thanks for reading
My guess...his reason is either REALLY lame...such as "I just didn't want that life anymore" or he doesn't really know why he left. Maybe he is regretting the decision to leave but has a big stick shoved up his rear and won't bring himself to admit he was wrong. Sad fact is...you may never know what went wrong in his head. Don't punish yourself over his choice to be miserable. If he is upset than his goal is likely going to be to get you just as or more upset. Maybe it is all or nothing for him and since he isn't willing to give anything than he doesn't want you giving anything either... :/
All I can really say is (((((HUGS))))) Try not to let him get to you. I was somewhat in your shoes. My ex-DH and I split and at first he seemed like he really did want to keep a relationship with his son. I was heartbroken until about a year and a half later I just accepted that he really didn't care what happened to his son. He hasn't been around in over 14 months now. He hasn't called for his birthday, Christmas, nothing.... He flat out doesn't care. His excuse when he calls me to "check up on Danny" so he can look good in court is that he really is a good dad, "I just don't have time for this right now." He has had 4.5 years to find the time to be a dad. He doesn't care now and won't...most likely ever...
first of all thank you very much for responding!! and that all actually makes sense. I wouldn't put it past him to just choose to be miserable for the rest of his life to punish himself, and not knowing why he really left ( he had a horrible childhood and has lots of emotional baggage I didn't know about until AFTER we were married)
on another note I am very sorry about your FOB, I really thought my ex would never come around (he ignored me for 3 + months than started being an a** and harassing me). I am not for sure if he is really going to be as involved as he says he wants to be (he swears he wants to be 100% involved ) but as of yet he has only mentioned the baby on the way ONCE and it was after I brought it up. Nothing since, so who knows.
My ex also said "he was too busy" those first few months, which honestly if you really wanted to be in your kids life you wouldn't have to make excuses. men are stupid, oh well his loss right?
Last edited by Bekah; February 13th, 2012 at 08:45 PM.