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school - ava - her dad


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  #1  
February 25th, 2012, 06:32 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
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Last year before I got pregnant I was signed up/paid to go to a CNA class..I signed up for the day class to get it over with quicker..I didnt feel comfortable going once I knew I was pregnant so I backed out of the class.. Well I would like to sign up again and take the class..The only difference is I wont take the morning class as its 8 hours mon-fri so I figured Id take night classes which is 2-3 hours mon-fri

I talked to aaron and told him I wanted to go back..that I would take the night class because I dont want to be away from ava for too long..I told him I could drop her off and then pick her up and he said sure that would work..BTW I also am switching to a different location closer to him to make it easier..

Now there is a few issues..He likes to "jam" with two of his friends..and he jumps at any chance to do so..Actually ANYTHING with music he will cancel for...He has said that he just wouldnt play but with class being roughly 8 weeks I can see him getting frustrated if he cant (even though he does play on the weekends)

My biggest issue..Is him simply being alone with ava..Yes he adores her but I worry about him being alone with her..Yesterday I was going to pick my son up from school (my grandma usually does for me) he would of been alone with her the most 15 minutes..Right before I was getting ready to leave I changed her (he has yet to actually change a diaper..he tolds her legs) I hand her to him and she spits up ALL over..she still sick and coughing gags her (not often..usually a few times aday) and he instantly jumps to "have your grandma pick him up so you can stay here"

How will he handle ava for 2-3 hours alone? yes she will be older but will need constant watching..she could be crawling, hes going to have to feed her dinner/ some days bath her and put her jammies on..

by the time I get her itll be 930 which isnt a big deal to me at all! but he is ready for bed by 10 so I worry if he will get frustrated with her etc..He has a very quick temper and although I havent seen it fully I did see some of it..He has said many times he hopes ava doesnt have his temper and so has his mom/sister

His mom lives in the apartment downstairs and im almost tempted to ask her to keep an eye out but she works alot and has her own life
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  #2  
February 26th, 2012, 06:28 AM
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I don't know what to tell you. I could never count on ex-Dh to actually watch Danny even when we were married. I have always had a line of 3 sitters. I have a priority sitter, a secondary sitter that is "on call" and a third sitter that home-schools her kids that will pretty much take him at any time as long as I drive the hour to get there... I have had to get to the third sitter several times before... I don't recommend relying on one person. My first two are reliable but if someone in their house is sick, he can't go (his immune system doesn't work right). Long story short...I would have a permanent back up arrangement in place... Give him a schedule of what she needs. Diaper at 6 and 8 (and whenever she poops) bath at 8:30, eat at 6, etc... That will let him know exactly what is needed and he can check things off so that you will know what was and was not done... I hope that helps...
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  #3  
February 26th, 2012, 07:10 AM
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Good luck with that. I'm going back to school as well come July for Coding and Billing. About to have to find back-up sitters.

i3ai3ydanny- How is Danny doing??
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  #4  
February 26th, 2012, 10:08 PM
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good luck
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  #5  
February 27th, 2012, 08:42 AM
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Honestly, I think it would be a GREAT experience for him and for Ava! Sure, it might be a big learning experience at first, but could be empowering to him as a father to know that he CAN take care of her on his own. If his mom is right downstairs, that's good! Sure she has her own life, but I bet she will be happy to help with her granddaughter, especially the first week or so, and maybe she would even be willing to watch Ava on occasion if her dad is really in need of a jam session or having a tough day. Maybe talk to her ahead of time and ask if she might be willing to step in one night a week, just so he knows he has the option if he needs it, and if she would be willing to help out the first week while he gets used to it.

Also, it might not be a bad idea to start leaving her alone with her dad here and there ahead of time. Of course, she is still very young right now, so I totally understand that it is scary, but he really should be okay for 15 minutes. He is her dad, and he needs to be expected to take care of things. If he knows he can pass her off to you, he will. It's human nature. It's also our nature as moms to want to take care of things and even just do them becuase we can/know how/can do it quicker, but honestly, it's a disservice to him and Ava to not have the ability to do things alone together. I'm not blaming you at all!! I know it's so hard to pass our babies off any time, and most men sure don't make it easy on us But keep encouraging him to step up and to do more with her alone. I bet it will end up being a great thing for them both!

As far as his music taking precident over other things/responsibilities, I think him HAVING to watch Ava in the evenings will be a good. I think it will make him start taking responsibility. Sure, it's one thing to blow stuff off when you are a single guy and don't have major responsibilities you are ignoring, but he's a dad now. What happens as Ava gets older and involved in things and can understand better? What happens if he starts blowing her off for music or misses games/recitals/events because of music? I think setting up the boundary now that music can be important and that you will do your best to ensure that he has ample opportunities to play, but that Ava HAS to come first and that promises to Ava have to be kept and time with Ava has to be number one will be extremely beneficial to you all in the future.
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  #6  
February 28th, 2012, 03:35 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think his mom would love to watch her!..shes always telling me to let her know if i need any help..

I left ava with her daddy for a little over an hour when she was really young (like 2 weeks old) and he didnt mind because she slept the whole time..now shes more awake etc...

I would love to be able to leave them together (he adores her ) but hate the thought of him snapping/getting moody with me every day

if something isnt right im the target
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  #7  
March 1st, 2012, 03:44 PM
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That's a bummer but I would definetly see if Aaron mom would watch Ava for you
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  #8  
March 1st, 2012, 07:45 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
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I'm sorry, Sandy! That's hard! But honestly, in a lot of ways, she'll only get more difficult (and easier and more fun in others, of course!!) as she gets older. I mean, babies are hard work, but toddlers are frustrating! This is definitely something you guys should work on addressing sooner rather than later. Still, I know it's so hard to bring these things up, and as mommies, it can be so much easier just to do everything ourselves!

It's great that his mom is so supportive, too!!
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