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Hi ladies, I am here on behalf of my sister and her daughter. And I feel like we're in a big mess that will be nearly impossible to crawl out of. I appologize in advance if this is long (it very well could be)
My sister is 28 and her baby's father is 30. We live in Ohio and they've been dating 2000-2002, and 2006-2012. She was about to break up with him when she found out she was pregnant with my niece last summer. Which was also the month our grandmother died of cancer.
I guess I'll start in the beginning. They met in a church both our families attended at the time. Our families have known each other since the 70s. My dad didn't want my sister to date just yet because she was not yet at our family's dating age but after a few months he relented. They dated for 2 years when he went into the army. I guess his mom is a total nut job and thinks everyone around her is out to cheat. By the end of boot camp he broke up with my sister because his mom told him that my sister was flirting with his uncle and dad who at this time were in their 50s. gross. And it wasn't true.
So they were broken up for 4 years and after she stopped dating this other guy they got back together. He by this time was out of the army.
Before he went into the army, our youth group took my mom's mini van to a youth conference out of state, and he put his wallet in one of the many compartments in the van. When we came home and went to drop him off he couldn't find his wallet. I was asleep at the time otherwise I would have told him where he put his wallet. I didn't find out about this until the next day when my sister said his wallet was missing. When I did I went out to the van and found his wallet. He says to this day my sister stole the wallet and that she did that to keep him from going into the army.
He was living with his parents a half hour away and apparently cheated on my sister because he thought he was the father of a girl's baby and had a dna test.
He tried telling everyone (us and people who know us) that it couldn't be true she was jsut trying to "pin" (his word) the baby on him because she wanted him. Turns out he wasn't the father and that sort of faded, I made a joke and he thought it was at him and he pulled the car we were driving in and started SCREAMING at me.
There have been quite a few instances of rage issues. He says he has PTSD but only started saying he had that when he found out he could get more money per month.
He started cheating on my sister with a teenager back in 2008, he said she would just show up and he didn't incourage her and says he would just come home and she'd be sitting on the couch (he lives in a camper in his parents garage) when he'd get home.
I didn't believe him his story didn't make sense at all.
Then my aunt and uncle would see him at restaurants in the area (they all live in the same town) he'd lie and say they were lying and that it wasn't happening. Well he wanted us to believe they just called out of the blue to break them up. My aunt and uncle weren't really privy to their relationship issues so saying that made no sense whatsoever.
2008 he and my sister lived in a apartment together he never paid anything because ever since 2006 when he got out of the army he hasn't really been employed. He'll get a job and either quit or be fired from it within a month sometimes it would just take two weeks. But for the year from July 2008-June 2009 he was employed with 4 different companies and only worked 2 months out of that time.
He's been fired for fighting a fellow employee, he was fired for going off on his manager.
My sister also loaned her credit card to a friend who was starting a photography business, and he threatened to kill the friend. He is always trying to say my sister is cheating on him (he's the one with a record) and claims there was a threesome that happened when my sister had photos taken to send to him while he was in Iraq.
He lived out of state from July 2009-May 2010. He got a license there and his license plates also reflect that state.
Problem is he still has those plates even though he moved back in May 2010. His license is suspended here and he told the other state that he still lives there but he's here for school. He didn't start going to school until 2011 and failed out of that program (LPN) and is currently in a program for a medical assisting (nothing wrong with this profession but seriously who would go out of state to go to go to school that is offered everywhere??? and he's going to school for this and at best the "hard" homework he does is the same kind of homework I did in the 7th grade. He has been failing courses in that school now as well. He doesn't work and most people work and go to this program. He lies all the time and says he's late because he was up all night with the baby.
He hasn't really had much interest in the baby since she was a week old. My sister had some health issues after the birth and the last week of April I stayed With her (my mom had been doing it but she had surgery that week) and he stayed in his room and didn't even hold her the whole week. They have separate bedrooms.
During the pregnancy he didn't want the baby at all he'd say she tricked him into getting her pregnant. He refuses to stay medicated (for PTSD)
She's 3 months old and he's only really taken care of her once when my sister had a test to take (she's a college grad and does well for herself she owns a home and is stable he is not)
I've long heard of moms getting sole custody and having the father drop out of their children's lives I personally think this is what would be best for the baby. He's really controlling,
He asked that dna test be conducted for this baby and was going to the nurse's station telling them he wanted one (here the test is taken at a child support enforcement agency) dragging my sister through the mud. He packed his bags for the hospital and we tried getting him to leave but he wouldn't.
He made my sister go over and have the test taken the day she got out of the hospital. His reasoning? He thinks that my sister was cheating on him because she was always over at my house while my grandma was dying. He says that she acted like she didn't like him at the time and thinks that while our grandma was in hospice (he was there too!) that she was out cheating on him.
He wants his mom to watch the baby. Here we find out why he's so crazy. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. She didn't attend her own granddaughter's baby shower because she claimed she wasn't told a time of when the party started which was a lie. She was told to be at my sister's house by 5 and from there they'd leave for the party.
She buys nothing but garbage for her granddaughter she took a dollar tree blanket and decorated it (looks so gaudy) yet she has no problem plunking down 2,000 for paintings for their home.
Mother's day they were going to take the baby over there and she was like no I'm doing my grocery shopping today. She lives maybe 10 mintues from the grocery store and there's two people to buy for how long could that take and what grandmother wouldn't want to see their granddaughter on Mother's day. She doesn't work and has been a kept woman for 30 years.
She doesn't make an effort to visit it's always on my sister to take the baby over there. They make the baby mad and have no clue how to take care of a baby. She was giving the baby a bottle and kept popping it out of her mouth to let her swallow. Seriously how as a mom of two do you not know how to take care of a baby? This is also a source of fights because my sister doesn't want the her to watch her for obvious reasons. It would be like dropping her off with a stranger.
Once he brought my niece into the house on Easter and it was seriously cold he had a coat on it was so cold. What did the baby have on? a baby tshirt no socks and no blanket.
He was telling us that he was going to put the baby's car seat in the front seat of his truck (it does not have a back seat, nor a shut off switch for an air bag and it's not safe or legal to put her in the front)
My sister works weekends, my niece stays with me and he heads to a friends house.
My sister didn't want his name on the birth certificate, and she wanted my niece to have our family's last name. He pressured my sister into putting him on the birth certificate and his last name.
Now he's asking for her birth certificate. He says he can get $300 extra a month (he does not pay child support) he pays house expenses $400 a month (sometimes) he says it's for the baby but he started paying that before she was born and it's toward household expenses and it doesn't even cover the house payment. When he's there he jacks the heat up to the point her bill is really expensive, or he jacks the ac up.
He's abusive to animals, he had a cat that had kittens and for 5 cats he changed the litter box only twice a week. the smell went all over the house.
I've spoken with a lawyer but I think I need a second opinion about it because midway through the conversation she asked if they were married I always called him my sister's boyfriend so why she needed to ask that makes no sense.
We'd love for my sister to have sole custody and because she was pressured into doing something she didn't want to do to change the baby's name.
what's been your experience with this type of thing? I doubt anyone's ex could be this bad but you never know. He wants to be her dad when there's money in it for him. We'd really like to have his rights severed because there's a chance he'd have his mom "take care" of her when he has his parenting time. He also has screws loose and I wouldn't trust him with her.
Last edited by Rainbowaftertherain; July 7th, 2012 at 05:04 AM.