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Im completely devastated and just an emotional wreck right now. I saw this board and thought maybe writing things out will help me feel better.
My boyfriend and I had been together nearly 2 years, and it seemed like the perfect relationship. We never faught, were excited about the baby, and were seriously talking about marriage.
He has an ex fiance, a bio daughter with her and an older daughter who is his exs only but he raised and thinks of like his own. They live 15 hours away. The ex is a nightmare. Was fine when we were there visiting but wouldn't answer calls or let him talk to the girls when we came home. lied and told everyone they know that he abandoned her and didnt pay child support. Moved another guy in a week after they split and had the girls call him daddy.
After xmas she called an apologized for the way she acted. Blamed it all on the jealous boyfriend. Said the girls really wanted to see him. He went down to visit for new years, i had to work but was ok with it. I trusted him. He was acting a little weird when he came back (mopey n moody) I tried to talk to him about it but he kept avoiding. he booked another flight down a month later (last week). I cried on the way to the airport. I knew something was wrong but couldnt tell if It was pregnancy hormones making me jealous or crazy.
Finally i had enough and sent him a long text explaining that i was feeling like he would rather be there then here with me. I apologized in case i was being crazy but i just needed him to say he loves me and i have nothing to worry about. I was completely shocked when instead of reassuring me he started crying and said that i was right he would rather be there. He said it felt so good to be with his family again. He couldnt stand the thought of leaving them. He said he loves me but hes confused and doesnt know what to do because he would kill t have what he used to have back. He doesnt want to hurt me by sticking around here and us both being miserable. He doesnt even know if his ex wants him back. I guess it doesnt matter if she doesnt. I cant live being his 2nd choice and always afraid shes gonna change her mind and snatch him away. Suprisingly im not mad at him. Sad but not angry. He didnt intentionally try to hurt me I guess he cant help the way he feels.
It hurts so bad right now. I cant believe he would choose someone like her over me. Its embarrassing to admit but I wanted this baby because I thought it would make him happy (knowing how much he missed his kids). Now Instead of excited I feel like the baby is a big scary burden. I know when he will be born i will still be emotionally hurting and im afraid I wont be able to be happy. His dad will want to be there but i dont know if I can handle that. its gonna be hard to be around him. I cant even think of him without crying right now.
I know its gonna hurt for a while and theres nothing that can be done. Writing this just seemed more productive than crying in to my pillow.
One hard lesson I learned during my pregnancy was that the only person you can truly count on is yourself. And the thing is, you HAVE to be strong right now for that baby. Things are going to change so much once the baby is here. Yes, it will still be difficult, but you will realize it was all worth it. My son is currently 7 months old. When I was 6 months pregnant, his father decided he wanted nothing to do with us. He sent me nasty messages, attacked my character, and told me what a horrible mother I would be. The only thing I could do was stay strong for my son. Even though itís hard to believe now, whatever is happening with your childís father is happening for a reason. I see now that my sonís father doesnít need to be in his life. He used drugs, stole, and was borderline abusive toward me. Although you donít want to see your child go through the heartache of having a broken family, sometimes it has to happen. Your child will always know that you were there for them through thick and thin. Surround yourself with love and be strong for that baby. YOU CAN DO IT!