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I'm not a complete single mom, but my oldest son's dad is not involved at all. I have about had it right now. I said something publicly (Facebook) that I admit I probably shouldn't have said, but all of it was true. I'm wanting to file to have his rights removed. There was no contact 4/2010-2/2012, and 7/2012-now. He's 5, so that's most of his life.
The courts rarely terminate parental rights except for cases of extreme abuse. Back when I was going through my custody case for dd1 in '88-'92, they usually decided in favour of the parent who seemed most likely to allow the most visitation by the noncustodial parent. If the biodad already has a bone to pick, he might file for physical custody to get back at you, even though he is not in a better position to raise Xander than you are and does not even particularly want to raise him or even win the case.
Custody cases are very expensive, in money, time, and emotional stress. You don't want to go there.
If you need child support, your attorney should be able to have it deducted from biodad's paycheck and sent to you through the courts without your ever having to deal with him.
If your partner would like to do a second parent adoption of Xander, I would advise that you let biodad have some time to calm down and then approach him calmly and privately to see if he his willing to sign away his rights. Emphasize to him that doing so will relieve him of his financial responsibility as well as being in Xander's best interests.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I speak from very hard earned experience.
No contact is good. You are able to raise your child as you see fit. Xander is a bit young to understand the difference between biodad and your partner, who I hope will be able to be his REAL (foster or informally adopted) Daddy in time.
You have already been through so much and have come through so well. You and your family have a bright future ahead of you. Please don't jeapordize it by hitting a hornet's nest.