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  #1  
November 16th, 2006, 05:54 PM
*Firefly*'s Avatar Girlfriend and Blogger
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 24,398
Here is a link to my journal on JM

Journal

I would very much like it if anyone has the time (its very very long) if they could read it and give me some feedbck here I would like to know what you think of my writing style.

Thanks!
Ellie
__________________
Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
Now I believe in grace and choice,
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But Iíll be born without a mask
~ Babel, Mumford & Sons



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  #2  
November 27th, 2006, 12:33 PM
*Valerie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: VA
Posts: 50,688
Wow--your writing is very powerful--I couldn't stop reading it and was just torn by what you have been going through. I can't even imagine losing a baby and think that it's wonderful you can write so freely about it. I just have to say again--very powerful and moving.
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♥Thanks you jaidynsmum for my awesome siggy ♥

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  #3  
November 27th, 2006, 07:59 PM
*Firefly*'s Avatar Girlfriend and Blogger
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 24,398
Thank you very much for your feedback I am glad it captured you - although I am sad that it was about such horrible things.
xxx
__________________
Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
Now I believe in grace and choice,
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But Iíll be born without a mask
~ Babel, Mumford & Sons



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  #4  
December 5th, 2006, 09:31 AM
MommyToSnuggles's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Western MA
Posts: 108
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I think you are a very powerful writer, with quite a bit of talent. I can only imagine what you are going through as I have had a miscarriage, but I didn't even realize I was PG until I was miscarrying. It hurt bad enough at that point, I couldn't imagine knowing I was PG and loosing my angel after I really had the time to love him/her and plan my future around a new baby. You describe the pain perfectly, as well as how only a mother who has experienced it can truely understand it.
I just have to little bits of feedback for you:
The first is more of a question. It seems through most of it that you are talking of an SO, and then the baby, and then shifting back. Is it on purpose? If not, I think a few of your metephors should be revamped a bit.
The second, is that you shift from 1st to second person a few times. If you are writing for an amatuer audience, or merely yourself, there is nothing wrong with this. But if you wanted to have it published, I believe this is against gramatical rules. Also, you had a few runon sentences...

But that is all technical. Your writing ability is phenominal!! Keep it up


for your loss
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<div align="center">Bethany, Wife to Andrew, and Mommy to Victoria</div>



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  #5  
December 6th, 2006, 12:44 PM
*Firefly*'s Avatar Girlfriend and Blogger
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 24,398
Really it's just for me... I don't want it published and sold.
None of it is structured or planned - it's my journal that I wrote a while ago that I wanted to share to help people get a better idea about me, thats why it switches ALOT I wasn't thinknig about who would read it really. I just wanted to know what people thought about my writing skill because I screenwrite so its always good to get an idea of what your skill is and get feedback of others
Thank you for the feedback! it is VERY much appreaciated
I might post up my screenplay i wrote for college soon - I got a distinction for it
__________________
Cause I know my weakness, know my voice,
Now I believe in grace and choice,
And I know perhaps my heart is farce,
But Iíll be born without a mask
~ Babel, Mumford & Sons



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  #6  
December 6th, 2006, 01:43 PM
MommyToSnuggles's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Western MA
Posts: 108
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I'd love to read it!!
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<div align="center">Bethany, Wife to Andrew, and Mommy to Victoria</div>



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