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I don't post in this section much but I do have a history of mental health problems including depression, anxiety & panic attacks, a past with an eating disorder (anorexia, compulsive exercise). Since my DD was born in Dec. 2007, it's mainly been anxiety & panic that are the main issues with some mild recurring depression. I am currently on Cymbalta 2-60 mg pills/day and Xanax 1-2 0.25 mg pills/night, occasionally more if having a particularly rough day with panic. Oh, and to top it off this past summer, I found the multivitamin I had been taking for years had caused me to build up extremely high levels of vitamin B6 so I was diagnosed with B6 toxicity too and told not to take a multi-vitamin with B6 in it until at least 6 months after all the B6 toxicity symptoms (a lot of peripheral neuropathy along with fatigue and daily panic attacks at that point) subside. At least stopping the multi-vitamin has helped some with the extreme fatigue I'd had but my body is still detoxing from this bad vitamin experience.
I am still in shock. DH came home yesterday and announced his company has laid off most of the employees. (He works for a startup company and I guess they just haven't been performing satisfactorily enough to attract investors.) We had absolutely NO idea it was coming. DH seemed as shocked as I am. I just don't know what we're going to do now, we've got a mortgage on a house, bills to pay and while we've got some money saved up, it won't last but a month or 2. I know we have family willing to help us out (we may possibly have to move in with my ILs in CA). I get along with my ILs OK, but it won't be my house, I'll feel out of place, plus So. Cal. is not my most favorite place in the world, I hate the crowds, the traffic, am terrified of driving there.
Why does this keep happening to us? DH was laid off from his previous job just over a year ago when NASA cut funding to his program, and about a year and half before that when Johnson Space Center underwent more budget cuts. Again and again and again. For most of the jobs he applies to, he is overqualified or underqualified. (He is a Ph.D. chemist but is often underqualified without previous experience in whatever given field the new job is or overqualified having a Ph.D.)
Now back to the job searching for DH, which was so so hard on me because I would have to prompt him to it at times, he would start giving up hope.
I feel like in a way this is my fault, if I were working and not a stay at home mom, we would have some income, but I haven't been in contact with people in my field since grad school and I do feel on some level all the tons of medication I was put on in college--there was 1 point I was on 6 or 7 diff. psych meds at once which was overkill if you ask me & I just haven't been the same since (for depression & my eating disorder) has done things to me and the way I function (I can't even explain it really) so that I'm just not the same as I used to be when I first started college--I'm not creative like I used to be (and that was a big part of who I was) and my memory is the pits (but of course part of that is par for the course being a mom). I feel guilty for not working but I go through very bad phases (with anxiety & panic attacks especially) and have low self confidence and self esteem and doubt they would even want me in the field I trained in or if I could handle a career in science research now even (being that I don't think the way I used to).
I know lots of people have it worse than us and don't even have family to turn to for help but I just need to have a pity party. I'm trying to be strong for my daughter but it is difficult.
I am so anxious and panicky, I don't know how I'll sleep tonight. I hate this :-(