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Hello I'm Elizabeth (22) I've battled depression for a while now ever since High school. I was on Wellbutrin for a while but I couldn't stand the way it made me feel so I stopped taking it. I thought that I did pretty good but lately I've been fighting a losing battle. As hard as I try not to I seem to fall into another depression spell. I don't want to go on meds again but I don't want to go with the alternative either...Im afraid that I will fall into my old habit. Which was self mutilation. I used to get depressed and cut myself. I harted doing it because even after the depression ended the scars were still there. I'm thinking that right now life is jsut getting to me. I take care of my husbands 2 sons from another marriage they live with us full time and they don't even see their mom so they deal with a lot of anger and resentment and some of it is directed to me and I don't know why then we had a baby jsut 7 months ago and my MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago. I just feel like everything is slamming into me all of the sudden and I want to curl up and cry. I'm hoping that I can find someone on this board to relate to and talk to openly and that they won't judge me.
Have you considered therapy? Sometimes when we suppress all our emotions from past painful events (and current ones) it manifests itself into a pretty severe depression (not sure if that is the case for you or not but it certainly was for me). I have found that dealing with all the pain of my past has been healing... although I readily admit to it being a slow and difficult process. But sometimes just having someone there who supports you and who listens can make a huge difference. It just makes me sad that you have to hurt yourself to make the pain more manageable (although I completely relate to that as well). I wish you the best of luck. ♥