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  #1  
May 17th, 2010, 12:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,338
I'm not exactly sure how to explain what's up with me but things with me emotionally are very touch and go so to speak. I'm struggling daily with not bawling my eyes out over the fact that I cannot ever have another child. I've had my tubes tied for 3 years now so this is not new to me. I find myself struggling with the fact that while yes I'm happy in my marriage there are a thousand reasons why we should not be married. My actual wedding sucked major donkey nuts. I won't get into full on detail about any of this because there's way too much and so little time. I'm tired of being in chronic pain. I know I need help mentally but sadly every doctor I've reached out to in the past few years has just given me this med or that and nothing has ever really helped long-term. I do suffer from a severe anxiety disorder and panic attacks but thankfully I've been semi-keeping them under control. I'm paranoid about the unknown---and no I don't mean outer space. My DH has told me recently that there's a lot I don't know about him. I'm terrified to know. I know you can spend a lifetime with someone and not really know them but honestly now I'm irritated that he even stated that because now I'm in wonder and stressed about what it is I do not know. The health of my son is going crazy right now. He's healthy, he is, but I had to keep him home again today because yesterday and today he's been out of it. I know partly it's due to his ASD but I also wonder what else it is. Thankfully he finally went poop today, I'm sure that has something to do with it. I'm trying so hard not to go into total breakdown mode because I cannot handle the stress in brings upon my marriage. I'm so tired of holding it together but I know if I come undone that it all could come undone and as much as I know that in the end it would be okay I don't know how to handle it----the end is very far away. Bleh. If anyone is at all curious check out my most recent post on the LGBT board--TMI Sex sub-forum. I know there are things I need to get done today and I've done most of them--phone calls at least but I just don't know how to keep up the charade---which is all I swear my life has felt as though it has been for a very long time. I wish I knew what to do or how to fix myself as usually I can find something, some way to curb this but right now my mind is on over-load.
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  #2  
May 17th, 2010, 06:57 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,619
aw hun, I am sorry you're going through such a rough time mentally & emotionally.. After reading your post on the LGBT board y/day, and now this, I wish i could just reach out & give you a huge hug.

I too suffer from an anxiety disorder, and it does my head in - and is basically the main reason that I know I NEED to have my tubes tied after Emersyn is born, because I worry - to the point of being close to tears, throughout my entire pregnancy, that the baby is going to die, that something is going to go heinously wrong. Wasn't so bad with Gaby - I just had myself to worry about, but this time - and having to have the mental capacity to be a good Mum to Gaby, it's really taking it out of me.

I am sorry you're feeling depressed about not having another baby. I can only imagine how it feels - and presume that it won't take long for me, to feel the same way. I think that no matter how much we know ourselves, that having another baby isn't an option - there will still be hard times, when it is something we yearn for, I guess partly because as women, it is how we are brought up - we are brought up to WANT to be pregnant, to WANT to have a family...

((hugs)) I probably haven't said anything that has helped, but I want you to know I am here for you okay? If you ever want to chat more, feel free to PM me..

be gentle with yourself...
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  #3  
May 17th, 2010, 07:11 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
Posts: 4,844
Honey. I'm sorry you are feeling like you are. It can ge thard when you have a child that has a disability. And I have trouble coming to terms with the possibility of no more kids. Jsut know that we are here to vent and cry and scream and rant to.
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  #4  
May 18th, 2010, 10:08 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,338
Thank you ladies.
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  #5  
May 20th, 2010, 06:44 PM
ZaydensMomma's Avatar Aaron Nicole
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 16,443
I hope you are handling better since then. I do know the feeling of going back and forth on some things and driving myself crazy. I have anxiety disorder as well. I wish we don't have this kind of thing!
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