Log In Sign Up

Anyone here with OCD? Intrusive thoughts, OCD?


Forum: Mental Health

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Mental Health LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 1st, 2011, 07:18 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
Hi!! I will introduce myself here on this board...My name is Keri-Ann and my husband and I have been legally married for 2 years and our wedding was last June (we will only celebrate our June anniversary)...

We are TTC our first. I am 31 (be 32 in August) and he is 37 (be 38 next month).

I have been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months to try and deal with OCD issues - mainly "intrusive thoughts"...meaning that I have un-invited disturbing thoughts that pop into my mind and the more I try to make them go away, the worse they get.

So I am curious - is there anyone else here that has OCD and is being treated for it? Or maybe you've thought you have it but haven't seeked treatment?

It really sucks because these thoughts make me feel so awful - and I hate them...but I do know I'm not crazy and it's just unfortunately something I'm going to deal with for the rest of my life...I've probably been "dealing" with these thoughts for about 10 years - but it's only recently (in the past year) that they've gotten really bad.

Anyone else?
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 2nd, 2011, 10:39 AM
HailandNevansmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,990
i havent been diagnosed as ocd, but i do have intrusive thoughts, and obsess over them.. ive had them since i got pregnant with nevan, and they have changed in themes since aug 10'. Its rlly hard to deal with, and im not in therapy, but im on meds, and saw a therapist for a couple months. Mostly i wonder why i have these thoughts, and I FEAR them now as a habit, and mostly they are to do with Nevan my 2 yr old. Its the hardest thing ive ever delt with in my life.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 2nd, 2011, 10:56 AM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
Hi there!!! I am so sorry you have to deal with them. They suck. I hate them. I am seeing a therapist - and I like her a lot - but we haven't really done any sort of CBT (Cognative Behavioral Therapy) or anything - mainly I'm also extremely stressed out from work and axiety and talk about that with her, too! lol.

I did just download a book to my kindle that I'm excited to read called "Brain Lock" Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior". I've only read the first couple of pages - but one line has really stood out to me today that I hope to remind myself when my thoughts get the better of me.

"I AM NOT MY OCD"

Simple but hopefully it's affective. I really hate my OCD because it's just downright annoying. I know that the thoughts I think (which are usually violent) are NOT at all how I act or who I am - but the thoughts are there and they drive me crazy.

For example, a friend of mine brought her baby into work to show her off - and she is absolutely gorgeous!!! But in my little world of my mind, I have intrusive thoughts that have been centering around her. I hate it. It makes me sick to my stomach to think these thoughts - but they just won't.go.away.

It's hard to even explain this to my friends or my husband. My husband, obviously, knows that I am seeing a therapist - but we really don't talk about it. I'd like to be able to with him - but I know that unless someone has the disease - they don't/won't/can't understand what someone else is going through - even if they love that person - they just don't get it. My mom and I have talked about it before - as she said she's always thought I had OCD - but she doesn't truly "get" it either.

I'll be walking down the hall or street and see someone and these intrusive thoughts about absolute strangers are all that encompass my brain.

It terrifies me to think of how much worse it'll get when I DO get pregnant. I want a baby so bad and can't wait to be a mommy - but knowing how stressful it's going to be that I can not help these thoughts from forming in my mind....ugh.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully we can post to each other here on the board when we need to! Also, if there is anyone else out there that has this issue - please don't be a lurker. OCD sucks, but it's not who we are!
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 2nd, 2011, 11:35 AM
HailandNevansmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,990
Yes i know exactly what you mean with thoughts centering around your obsessions involving strangers or other people too. Its like they are intrusive, but also, its like Im fearing the thoughts or what this anxiety i have will throw at me now. Like its turned into such a habit from all the obsessing. Ive found relief with celexa and seroquel, but im also not TTC. But im afraid to TTC becasue all this started with my pegnancy with Nevan. My thoughts arent based on violence really, but innapropriate thoughts nonetheless, and ill just obsess over wth it means, and so on. That book is really good ive heard. I also find myself obsessing over what is wrong with me becasue i havent been diagnosed, but the drs say i have SEVERE anxiety with obsessive traits. I m still on the fence about seeing a psych.. i might i might not. I guess all we can do , is trust our instincts, and stay true to ourselves, and know who we are even through the toughest times.
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 2nd, 2011, 11:40 AM
HailandNevansmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3,990
can u do me a huge favor and show me a link that i can dl that book without getting a virus?
__________________



Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 2nd, 2011, 01:24 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
here is the link to the amazon page:

Amazon.com: Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior eBook: Jeffrey M. Schwartz, Beverly Beyette: Kindle Store

I downloaded it to my kindle (yes, it is $10.99) and if you don't have an actual kindle device, if you have a phone with the kindle app or you can get the app on your computer, that works too.

I know, with me...I KNOW the thoughts that are in my head are NOT what I believe, want or who I am as a person...but I'm also afraid of them because - part of me always thinks "If I think those thoughts - they will happen" - which I know is utterly ridiculous - but it's how my brain works.

Not only do I have the violent intrusive thoughts - but constant thoughts and scenarios go through my mind about things such as my husband cheating on me, or losing my job - and what would I do if those things happened? This is a lot of the anxiety...my therapist has taught me to - when those thoughts arise - to really sit and think about the actuality of those things happening - and what really HAS happened to make me think that it would. And that answer, of course, is nothing. There is absolutely no ground for those fears.

Such as - what would be the steps - here at work - if management did decide to...there's a ton of things that would have to happen first - and those things haven't happened and probably won't - and in fact I do get praise that I'm doing so well! Yet my anxiety constantly keeps me in fear of the opposite.

Or - if one of my co-workers near me is talking to someone else - I have thoughts that "oh, they are talking about me and how much I suck at my job". the logical part of me goes "really? c'mon...REALLY? you know that's not true - they are not talking about you - you are not the center of their attention". but the other part of me...well i'm sure you know.
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 2nd, 2011, 01:47 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
I posted with the link, but I may not be allowed to post links...as it said it my post needs to be approved by moderators first. If you go onto amazon you can find the book and if you get the kindle edition - it does cost $10.99 but from the reviews, it's worth it.

If you don't have a kindle device, you can still read it if you have a phone with the kindle app or the kindle app on your computer.

ETA: ah, the link posted.
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility

Last edited by IndyMommyWannabe; May 2nd, 2011 at 03:14 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
May 4th, 2011, 11:07 AM
HeavenlyJewel's Avatar Loving Wife and Mom
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,117
I rarely talk about it because it makes me feel a horrible mother but i get thoughts like this all the time and I have been diagnosed with OCD but I am not currently seeing anyone for this. At times I feel I don't even deserve my own son and have horrible thoughts but I never have and never will hurt my son. I need to start seeing someone again but with my depression getting worse I can't even stand leaving my own house a lot of the time unless I need to get stuff for my son (i.e. food or meds). I feel like a prisoner in my own body.
__________________



Thank you Jaidynsmum for making my siggy!



Reply With Quote
  #9  
May 4th, 2011, 07:08 PM
IndyMommyWannabe's Avatar Always Hoping & Praying
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,749
Jewel. Hi there! I am so sorry you deal with this, too. I know that I am REALLY getting into that book I mentioned above and totally suggest it!

The incessant obsessive thoughts, though, get so incredibly exhausted! I'm working through getting to know that my thoughts are NOT me. One thing in that book that I keep repeating is "It's not me It's my OCD". I'm coming to terms with knowing that - while I have these horrible awful disgusting thoughts all day long - even as I write this...

My therapist keeps telling me - the difference between me and those women you read articles about who DO hurt children - is knowing that it does disgust me and that I will NEVER follow through with those actions.

I also have been teaching myself that it is literally a chemical imbalance and something is wrong with the muscle that is my brain. sorta like how your hand can have a twitch - my brain has a muscle twitch that goes into overdrive that others don't.

It's not me. It's not who I am. Or what I believe. Or what I will EVER do. But - all day long - those thoughts are there and won't go away. God I wish there was a light switch I could just turn off!

It disgusted me - as a friend of mine brought in her incredibly gorgeous baby girl into work. And while I oohed and ahhed over her - and part of me kept thinking how I can't wait to have one of my own...The other part of me...the OCD in my brain...well I won't at all go into details but I will say my obsessive thoughts went into overdrive.

ugh. it is so exhausting!

I am trying some ERP - Exposure and Response Prevention therapy. Hopefully it helps.

Hope things with you get better! Finding the right therapist is truly amazing. I only go once a month - but having someone to talk to to get these thoughts out of my head (ok, so I don't share most actual obsessive thoughts). But talking to someone about all the anxiety and stress I deal with - without judgement - is just awesome.

I love my husband and he knows what I deal with, to a degree...but I know he isn't the right person to talk to about this. He doesn't truly understand mental illness. My therapist does. I love my sessions with her.

"It's not me. It's the OCD."
__________________
- -
-
TTC since March 2010 (too darn long) - 4 years, 2 months and counting... / Severe MFI / Stage 1 Endometriosis

IVF=ONLY option

October 2012 = Fresh IVF #1 - retrieved 8, 6 fertilized. Transfer 2. Fail.March 2013 = Frozen #1 - Transfer 2 of 4 left. Fail.
February 2014 = Frozen #2 - Transfer remaining 2 - IMPLANTATION!
8 weeks, D&C - blighted ovum - Triploidy


July 2014 = Fresh IVF #2!


"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us!"

Come visit my blog/journal to learn more about our journey - Our Adventure through Infertility
Reply With Quote
  #10  
May 5th, 2011, 01:51 PM
HeavenlyJewel's Avatar Loving Wife and Mom
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 1,117
My name is actually Heavenly. Yes my doctor told me the same thing is that I know it is wrong and that I want help is making it that i know i won't hurt anyone or anything.
__________________



Thank you Jaidynsmum for making my siggy!



Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:55 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0