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I'm in my 26th week of pregnancy. I know hormones make you feel all weepy, but since this is my first baby I don't know if this is normal or not.
I've had issues with depression and SI in the past. This feels really similar. I'm even on medicine now to treat depression.
I thought for a while that I was just stressed out because of my job. I couldn't make it through the day without crying. But now my workload is so much lighter and I'm fine at work but cry all the time outside of work instead. Last time I saw my midwife I tried to tell her how sad I was, but since I thought it was mostly job stress she told me it wasn't a pregnancy problem and I should just "find another job." So now that I don't think it's job related I'm afraid to go back to her with it again this month I don't want to get the brush off again.
I feel like a failure. Everytime I start to get better, I think, "this is it! I'm finally normal again!" but then I start to backslide. I don't want to tell anyone how bad it's getting, I don't want to have them be disappointed in me or think "Great! There she goes again!" And we can't really afford another prescription every month if the drs want to tweak the meds, so I feel like I'm stuck. I try to hide it from my husband and my friends. Everyone always wants to talk about the Baby, so it isn't hard, but sometimes I'm not even excited at all to be pregnant. It took us years to concieve, and overcoming cancer, so I should be happy right? I SHOULD be extatic. Why can't I just feel that way? I WANT to, I really do. I want to be all giggly and rubbing my belly and talking to the Baby and about the Baby all the time. But it just feels fake and phoney when I try. (Don't get me wrong, there are times when I AM happy about the Baby and what's going on, but all the other times make me worry.) Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe I get so upset (and for NO REASON!) I don't want to hurt the Baby by stressing out so much. I just feel like I'm starting to crack under the pressure of it all.
So this is me reaching out, I guess. (We all have to start somewhere, right?)
I am a newbie to this room but what about you seeing a different doctor on the side to talk about your problems and how they might affect the baby? That way you don't have to approach your current OB and you might get a better point of view about it. Maybe a family doc, one that has experience in OB but can also talk meds if you need to talk about that? Just a thought. I understand how depression can make you not feel all that happy about being pregnant. I had that problem too, most of the time I was crying/miserable until they started me on Zoloft during the pregnancy. I know you're saying you're already on meds, I just mean I know how much of a difference it made to be "normal" vs. depressed during pregnancy. I hope you can find something that works for you!