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I usually get PPD after I have a baby but this time it hasn'y been too bad, Instead, I have been constantly thinking about death. It consumes me. I think about what Brian and the kids would do if I died, I think, what the kids and I would do if he died, how I would deal when my grandma dies, or my parents, and how I would explain it to them. I can't relax in the car anymore either. Everytime we go to the store, I am white knuckle gripping on to the 'oh sh*t' bar and turning into the worst backseat driver ever. I am always gasping air as to say 'look out!' and it makes Brian nervous. I haven't driven in a long time. Jillian is 6 weeks old and it was when I was like 7-8 months pregnant that I drove last.
I can't stop thinking about how my baby's little tiny cute hands are going to be big one day and I can never get those cute baby moments back. I will never have any more babies, I go my tubes tied.
I am going to be one of the moms that are always calling their kids everyday to say hi and they are going to move across the country to get away from me and that thought makes me cry.
Is this normal or do I need help? Gosh, I wanted to type more but the kids need me right now.
I can't relax in the car anymore either. Everytime we go to the store, I am white knuckle gripping on to the 'oh sh*t' bar and turning into the worst backseat driver ever. I am always gasping air as to say 'look out!' and it makes Brian nervous.[/b]
I pmed you a while back and told you I was the SAME WAY. Your quote above, that is me to a T! Justin gets so mad at me when we are in the car, he tells me to shut my eyes and dont watch. lol. I cant help it, I freak! If he doesnt break when I think he should, LOOK OUT b/c I will freak out thinking we are going to slam into someone. I always think of the worse. I bite the sides of my fingers when I get scared or nervous. I HATE doing it but it is a bad habit that I have to break. I get these feelings sometimes that something is going to happen to me. Everyone says I should go get put on anxiety meds, which I will probably do. The only bad thing is I dont know if you can take them while pregnant(dont know if I am or not but I am actively trying) I guess I should quit being a chicken and call the doctors to schedule an apt. I know a few people on this med and it has helped them chill out. Maybe that is what you need too, anxiety meds? Have you ever thought of going to the doctors for it? I tell everyone I dont want the docs to think I am loopy! LOL But everyone tells me it is normal to have anxiety and the meds will help. Sooooo, I think I will be calling the doctors for myself in the next couple of days! Good luck to you, I KNOW it is hard to deal with!
it does sound like you need SOMETHING- not saying neds are the complete answer (because I'm not a doctor). But this something you definately need to discuss with your primary doctor and tell her/him your feelings as you have with us. And explain how hard it is on you (on your daily life). And it is affecting you and your family. Sometimes talking to someone (a professional) may help relief some fears you may have in this case death. And plus some Anxiety meds might also help. But that will be determined by your doctor and if you do- she/he would probably start in small doses. The important thing is you recognize there is a "problem" and you want to solve it that is good. The next step is making a phone call and let them do the rest for you. But also remember you know your body if you feel you need more help than you are getting you have to tell your doctor or they will never know! I truly believe that you know yourself more than anyone else. HUGS.
I hope you find the help you need. We are always here too.