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  #1  
July 27th, 2005, 05:35 AM
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When I got pregnant I chose to marry my husband and move in with him. At the begining everything was ok I was happy but now I am not so sure.

I feel lonely and isolated all the time. I cry myself to sleep every night. My husband works night and sleeps most of the day so on average I get to see him for 4 hours a day. So I am stuck in the house on my own all day and night. I am to scared to leave the house on my own because I dont really know the area that well and I am scared of getting lost.

My family live 35 miles away and I am not very good at travelling at the moment so I cant jump on a bus and go and see them. Even when they are here I cant bring myself to talk to them about how I feel because there not very supportive and will just turn around and say ITS YOUR OWN FAULT.

I am not looking for someone to blame I just want somebody to understand and be there to give me a cuddle. The decision I made (top line) was rushed and I didnt really have time to think about it and now I am regretting it, but it was my choice and noe I have to live with it. I understand this.

I feel so mixed up. I dont know what I want.

Dont get me wrong this baby means the world to me its not even here yet and I love it so much.

Thanks for listening I needed to get that off my chest.
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  #2  
July 27th, 2005, 07:37 AM
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to you.

I somewhat can relate to you, I met my online ex-H (knew each other since oct 98) but met in RL June 99 for a week, then in Aug 99 I went to AZ where his family is for 2 wks-where he also proposed to me officially-I said yes of course. Dec 24, 99 we decided to elope (w/some family attending) but have the real thing - a big wedding on July 15, 2000 for the rest of family/friends.

Now we really got to know each other in RL from 0ct 99-Dec99 we get married (my other reason why eloping or an earlier wedding is to get out of my parents' house) Once we were married we could live togeter etc....my parents would not allow me to move in with a guy otherwise.

So, I believe rushing our marriage just move out parents' house and to be on our own could have been a mistake. I wish this day (now my parents) that I just could move in with him and "live" with him before I decided to marry the guy.

Only good thing that came out of this marriage is in Oct 2001 we concieved a child and she was born on July 10, 2002! Now I have baby and myself to look after. Things were going down hill (marriage). While I was pregnant and after. I hsted the feelings I had, like you describe...he and I lost intimacy and eventually on Dec 24, 03 on our 4th anniversary he tells me he is leaving me and his daughter to go back home-AZ. He just couldn't handle us or where we were. I was mad and angry as I tried to keep our marriage alive for our daughter's sake but really the only reason.

Now you know some of my background, you must talk to your husband as communication is the key. If he thinks everything is okay, he will just keep doing it. As for him working late hours and only getting to see him 4 hrs, be grateful you get to see him that long. Does he pay attention to you during those 4 hrs or is he doing other things? Make compromises and talk things out. As for your family, I am sorry if you feel they won't support you like you want. Perhaps things will change once they see that baby? I hope things work out for you soon. If you have to get some counseling to have a real life person hear you out and give you options based on your situation and where you live, do it.

Do you work? try get involved outside stuff with it to make friends. Don't work? Go volunteer somewhere! Even if it is part time it may help you get out and feel like you are closed into 4 walls at home. HTHS.

I am here to talk whenever you feel alone, because I know feeling and/or being alone is not fun! Been there done that! (still am at times).



-Dori
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  #3  
July 28th, 2005, 07:08 AM
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While you may be feeling this way because you are truly unhappy with your DH (it sounds like you were really rushed into the relationship/pregnancy), be aware that your body is undergoing some MAJOR changes! This may well be what is making things feel so "hopeless". I am married to a man that I love more than anything, yet I've mentioned divorce twice in the last week! My body is crazy out of control, and I already have clinical depression, so this has been nothing short of an extreme struggle. Luckily DH knows my background and takes everything with a grain of salt.

I just wanted to say this to help make a point. I know you are questioning a lot of your decisions right now-I think that is normal. I know I am! But don't do anything rash unless you are certain the outcome is the only acceptable alternative-it could just be those crazy pregnant lady hormones!

I hope I've helped some way. Please keep posting here-there are many great ladies who can offer amazing advice and it's such a great place to vent! Take care and I hope you begin feeling better soon.

With hugs and best wishes,
Erica
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  #4  
July 30th, 2005, 02:11 AM
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Us2GiRLs Them four hours he is awake he goes out and I am still stuck in or he just wants to have sex ad go back to sleep.

I have totally gone off sex. I cant bare him touching or kissing me.

A few months ago we had a huge arguement and he went to hit me (I was 12weeks pregnant) although he did stop himself I cant help but think now did I do the rite thing by staying with him.

He loses his temper really easy.

As for going out and geting a hobby. We live in a new area where I dont really know well. I am scared to go out incase I get lost. Daft I know.

ericalaurel I do have a history of depression, but I dont want to go to my doctor because they are to quick to but you on anti depressants. Last time I was on these I got addicted. Coming off them was like coming off an illegal drug. I could get up in the morning all I did was lie in bed shaking. I dont wanna go back down that road again.

Thanks for you support I really am gratefull. I am glad I can come here and vent instead of bottleing it all up. Thanks again.
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  #5  
July 30th, 2005, 04:57 AM
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I was all full of ideas about getting out and learning the neighborhood.... right up until the last post where you said he almost hit you. Pregnant or not, that's where it stops.

So get OUT.

Yes, you might hear it from your family, but who cares? Ultimately they'll be much more relieved that you're safe. You made a mistake. That makes you human, not the wicked witch of the north. They'll help you get back on your feet.

Ultimately, it doesn't sound like there's anything keeping you in this relationship except pride. Is that really the emotion you want guiding the rest of your life?

Call your mom today. Fill her in. And go home.

Good luck!!!
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  #6  
July 30th, 2005, 05:29 AM
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Hi Alice Thank you for your reply.

I was going to leave him but I saw how much he regretted.So I stayed with him for the baby. I know I am daft.

Plus if I left I have no where to stay. My mums house is full. My nans house is full and so are my aunts. I dont have anywhere to go. All my stuff is in this house. things like my bed, wardrobe, all the baby things.

I just dont want to be told how much of a failure I am and how dissappointed she is in me. I alreay no this I dont want to be remined every 5 mins. This is what my family are like.
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  #7  
July 30th, 2005, 06:11 AM
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Kazza,

I'm sorry, I didn't realize he was doing those horrible things from your original post.

I don't blame you for wanting to get out, and fast. I agree with Alice that this is by far the best thing you can do you for you AND your baby. Please know I am thinking of you...

Take care and best wishes,
Erica
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  #8  
July 30th, 2005, 07:45 AM
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Kazza,

Forgive me if I sound wayyyy too pushy.

But they say that guys who abuse women isolate them from their family first, so they feel there's no where else to go. Then they're really sorry, until the next time. I may be totally mis-reading your situation, and if so, I apologize.

It seems to me like you have some options:

1) Decide whether or not you want a relationship with this man. Forget, for a moment, everything else: the baby, your family, your location, and concentrate on HIM. Is he the guy you envision spending the rest of your life with? Is his temper something that will stand in the way of your happiness? You say he has a bad temper. Does that mean he's a perpetual crank, or that he throws things and breaks them? Is life with him frightening or occasionally annoying? These are questions that only you can answer, but I think it's a basic start in figuring out the rest of your life.

2) If you've decided that you really do love him and want to make a life with him,

a) go online or to the phone book and look at counselors. His temper is still a problem, and so is the way you seem to feel about him. A man who would take a swing at a pregnant woman would have no qualms about hitting a young child. Get some free help.

b ) Find a way of making some friends. It seems that you, like my mom, have a real problem with directions. (My mom is a very smart woman, but will get lost if the guy on the corner paints his house a different color.) Go online and find a program in your general neighborhood: either infant CPR of infant first aid or potttery making or something. Find the address. Go online to Mapquest and get both a map and directions there and back.( Bring money for a taxi, and the phone number of a taxi company if that works better instead. ) They'll telll you exactly how far to go and when to turn. But you can't be by yourself in a strange city with a baby, and summer is a MUCH better time for making friends than winter.

3) If you've decided that you don't, find different free help. Contact a hotline for abused women and tell them exactly what you've told us. Ask them for help. They'll point you in a direction.

You've been on my mind all morning (it's 10:54 am in NY). I'm worried... please find some help somewhere!!

Let us know how you are, OK??

Alice
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  #9  
July 30th, 2005, 08:03 AM
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Hi

Do you have a midwife that you can talk to? Im in the uk too and i mainly see a midwife. How about parentcraft classes ? That could be a way of meeting other pregnant women in your area. Ask at your local antenatal clinic about all the classes they do. Where i am they do Aquanatal classes at the local swimming pool and they run alsorts of workshops at the antenatal clinic. It really might help you to look into it, that way you wouldnt feel so isolated.

I hope that this helps you.

(((Hugs)))

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  #10  
July 30th, 2005, 08:18 AM
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Hi kazza

First off, Karen and Alice both have wonderful advice for you. Esp. the part about the prenatal classes and getting to know other pregnant women in your area.

It would probably, given the way your last posts read, be best to get out, but I do understand being totally helpless in a situation, so if you say you can't, I'm going to go with that...for now. I am worried about you, and I hope you're okay, and I hope it honestly was a one time accident. He didn't actually hit you, so I give him points for that. Still, you need to be careful with him.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. I know how frightening and depressing that feeling can be, and you're not alone. We're all here with you. I run another website of my own, and I've got a lot of UK helpline numbers, both for depression and for abused women, so if you need any of those numbers, please feel free to PM me. I got almost all of the numbers I have off of Google, so if you need the numbers and I'm not around, that's where you can find them.

Sometimes, just finding out you're not alone and have people to talk to who understand can make all the difference. Keep talking to us, okay?
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  #11  
July 30th, 2005, 08:32 AM
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(((HUGS))) just wanted to add my support. We are here for you and are concerned about you. You don't have to feel alone anymore. You have gotten some great advice from the other ladies and I would seriously consider it. Please do check in and let us know how you are doing.
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  #12  
July 30th, 2005, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by kazza@Jul 30 2005, 05:11 AM
Us2GiRLs Them four hours he is awake he goes out and I am still stuck in or he just wants to have sex ad go back to sleep.

I have totally gone off sex. I cant bare him touching or kissing me.

A few months ago we had a huge arguement and he went to hit me (I was 12weeks pregnant) although he did stop himself I cant help but think now did I do the rite thing by staying with him.

He loses his temper really easy.

As for going out and geting a hobby. We live in a new area where I dont really know well. I am scared to go out incase I get lost. Daft I know.

ericalaurel I do have a history of depression, but I dont want to go to my doctor because they are to quick to but you on anti depressants. Last time I was on these I got addicted. Coming off them was like coming off an illegal drug. I could get up in the morning all I did was lie in bed shaking. I dont wanna go back down that road again.

Thanks for you support I really am gratefull. I am glad I can come here and vent instead of bottleing it all up. Thanks again.
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[/quote]

I also did not realize the seriousness of abuss here:

My sweet girl, you sound like you are going through the same thing I did with my ex. He also had a temper and also "hit" me as well a few times before, during and once after the birth of our child! I felt the same way I wanted to keep our marriage together now for the sake of our child. Not just to keep my promise to God in keeping my vows. But when he hit me in front of our child I knew things had to change ASAP! But before I took action, he did-he left us-but I am the one who made sure he did not come back! I filed for a divorce. If you feel alone and scared-yes talk to your OB, she will recommend you a weoman center or a "safe place" for you to go, and they will take care the rest for you.
I wish you the best and you are never alone-you got us!

more to you!
-Dori
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  #13  
July 31st, 2005, 04:09 AM
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Kazza, how are you today?
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  #14  
July 31st, 2005, 10:11 PM
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I just wanted to add my two cents....

About 12+ years ago, my sister did almost the exact same thing you did. She married her current BF (though not the father of her baby) and she ended up having the baby a month premmie because he hit her! My sister is a tough cookie and I know she didn't just back down, but when she ended up in the hospital and had my nephew she went back home with him until he went after her with a knife and when she threatened to leave, he stabbed himself. He was taken to the hospital and arrested. She moved in with me and my mother soon after and proceeded to get a divorce!

You have to consider that though you made a baby together, is he the person you want to be a father to your little one. If he will attempt to hit you, what do you think he will do when the baby comes along? Is there a possibility of abuse against the baby? Please think these things over and then consider talking to your family again. My family is a lot like you say yours is, but there is no way my mother would stand for her daughter and grandson to be in that situation and I can't understand why anyone would allow it if they knew it was happening. You said your families homes are full, do you not have friends you could stay with till you get on your feet (even back home near your parents).

If you ever want to talk to me privately, feel free to to PM me anytime. I try to get online daily to see whats going on around JM! Hope things get better soon!

Christina

PS - you might think about taking a walk down your street just to the corner and maybe introducing yourself to your neighbors just to make some friends. You probaly wouldn't get lost if you didn't stray too far from home and getting out of the house would probaly do you good! I sure hope we have all helped! Good Luck with everything!
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  #15  
August 1st, 2005, 02:43 PM
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Hi Ladies I am sorry I havent been in touch my internet was down.

ericalaurel Thanks for you well wishes hun I feel lucky to have all this support here.

Alice There hasnt been a next time yet but it is on my mind when it will be if there is a next time.

If I wasnt pregnant I would have been out of this relationship along time ago. I really cant afford to be a single parent and to be truthful I dont think I am strong enough to do it.

When he loses his temper he just slams things or thows things and walks out. Then he denise he lost his temper.

Karen I cant talk to my midwife because he is there at every visit and when we do go to parent craft classes he will becoming to. Infact I dont go anywhere without him. He even comes in the doctors room with me.

Deb being able to come here and talk feels so much better than holding it all in. I am ok most of the time cos I dont see him that much he works nights. I only really see him alot at weekends.

ChristaT thanks for your support hunny.

Us2GiRLs I have been thinking about going to my doc but like I said to karren he comes with me everywhere. Even to the dentist.

SavaAngel I tried to go for a walk and he would not stop ringing me. In the end I just turned my phone off but when I got home. He told me I was childish thew his phone down and went to buy cigs. When he got abck he denied he lost his temper again.

Thanks again for all your support I really am gratefull.

Kaz
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  #16  
August 1st, 2005, 10:12 PM
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Hi Ladies I am sorry I havent been in touch my internet was down.

ericalaurel Thanks for you well wishes hun I feel lucky to have all this support here.
"I am glad you do and I hope you take in consideration what I replied back to your quotes to each of us-as I also love the support I get here on the Mental Health board and JM."

Alice There hasnt been a next time yet but it is on my mind when it will be if there is a next time.
"Yes there will be a next time, my sweet dear, it may not be serious but regardless no excuse!"

If I wasnt pregnant I would have been out of this relationship along time ago. I really cant afford to be a single parent and to be truthful I dont think I am strong enough to do it.
"Yes you CAN DO IT, you can afford it if you have to you can and will for the safety of your child and yourself" I am a single disabled mom who is also a stay at home mom! All I got is welfare and Child support supporting me/us right now-it is not easy but it CAN be done. There are programs and agencies out there that help you in your case! PM me if you need more info.

When he loses his temper he just slams things or thows things and walks out. Then he denise he lost his temper.
"So, did my EX, but is that still the kind of behavior you want to be around with, especially with a newborn? What happens if he throws something and accidently hits your baby? Then what?...Hun you can be at fault for jepordizing your child in a hazard/abusive home. I hate to see you loose your baby over your H. "

Karen I cant talk to my midwife because he is there at every visit and when we do go to parent craft classes he will becoming to. Infact I dont go anywhere without him. He even comes in the doctors room with me.
"Does he ever go to work, go to friends, or go do errands for you/him?!? Does he REALLY stay home 24/7 with you and goes with you everywhere you go?"

Deb being able to come here and talk feels so much better than holding it all in. I am ok most of the time cos I dont see him that much he works nights. I only really see him alot at weekends.
"There are hotlline numbers you can call at night when he is working to get help or advice on what to do in your situation sweetie!"

ChristaT thanks for your support hunny.
"She is a sweetie"

Us2GiRLs I have been thinking about going to my doc but like I said to karren he comes with me everywhere. Even to the dentist.
"Does he go shopping with you?, like for clothes at the mall? If not there is always going to your doctor's then and/or going to a center right there and then!, what he does not know won't hurt him!"

SavaAngel I tried to go for a walk and he would not stop ringing me. In the end I just turned my phone off but when I got home. He told me I was childish thew his phone down and went to buy cigs. When he got abck he denied he lost his temper again.
"We all know who really is the one acting childlish here, don't let him timidate you!, You can make up vaild excuses like oops, my phone did not ring-must had a bad connection area or the battery was dying couldn't answer the phone, hun do not let him control you. Mine did and he still is trying to control me being 2,000+ miles away with divorce papers on the way!" I know how it is.


Thanks again for all your support I really am gratefull.
"Anytime! We are here anytime, but I am available to talk anytime just PM me, remember I got "resources and some knowledge because of my own experiences and education".

Kaz


I hope I helped you understand some things as well booast up your self confidence a bit Kaz because YOU are the one who has to take action (whatever that maybe). HTHS.


-Dori
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  #17  
August 2nd, 2005, 10:59 AM
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ok...im practiaclly in tears over here. it is just all too familiar and i hate knowing that someone else is going through this.

when i got pregnant with my first son, i was in an abusive relationship. he had raised his hand to me a few times but never hit me. i guess that was his way of testing if i would stay around, cause eventually he started hitting me. but he didn't start out with physical abuse. he turned me agianst my family, tried to do the same to my friends. he would tell me to get off the phone if i was talking to a friend. he would talk down to me and make me feel stupid and unworthy of anything. and if i cried because he hurt my feelings he would tell me to stop pitying myself.

i left him when i was pregnant and did it all on my own. i was on state assistance and WIC. i did whatever i needed to do to make sure my baby was taken care of. my son is now 2.5 and i haven't asked for a penny of his money or talked/seen him since i left him. i totally cut all ties. i didn't want my child learning that kind of way of life. and now i am married to a WONDERFUL man and he has taken the father role to my ds and we just had another son.

my breaking point was when i was so depressed i could not get out of the bed one morning. luckily the phone was right next to me and i called a friend and said i needed help leaving. she helped me. i stayed with tons of friends for a week here and another week at someone else's house. all while pregnant. but i just kept praying it would get better and it did. i canont believe how much happier my life is now and how great my children are!

i have to add one more thing....my now husband works nights. it sux i have to admit. but when he comes home the first thing he does is kiss me and the kids and he will even help around the house if i need it before going to sleep. or he will take us out to breakfast or lunch. and most days if he goes to sleep roght when he gets home, he will get up at dinner time and have dinner with us and put our ds to bed together. just because your dh works nights, it should not mean he can neglect you, especially if you're pregnant and could use the lovin'.

please make the right decision. it isn't just about YOU anymore. your child comes first and do you want your child growing up in this kind of household? is this the kind of man you want your son to grow up to be like or your daughter to grow up and marry?
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  #18  
August 2nd, 2005, 01:04 PM
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I talked to him today when he woke up. It went ok I told him I dont want to be with him and everything.

But he made me feel guilty so I am still here. He told me that his family would not speak to him. He said that a baby needs his farther. He said he cant live without me and all that rubbish. I know nothing will change. It mite for a few weeks but things will go back to normal.

I dont know wot to do. I feel such an idiot. Why am I so stupid. I dont believe a word he says but I dont leave him. The most stupid thing is I know I should be I dont feel strong enough. I feel like a bad person and a bad mother (2-B ).

I can understand if you all think I am horrible and stupid.

kaz
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  #19  
August 2nd, 2005, 08:07 PM
~Cupcake~'s Avatar ChristaT
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No one thinks that about you! We just want the best for you and baby. And you are not stupid! I really would consider some of these ladies suggestions. You and your baby deserve better and we know you can do it. We are all here for you (((HUGS)))
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  #20  
August 3rd, 2005, 07:41 AM
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Kaz,
YOU ARE NOT STUPID OR A BAD MOM JUST CONFUSED and that happens in an abused relationship. We all make mistakes and we try to learn from them. I just will continue to pray that you will make the right choice and/or he will realize he is wrong and agree and get some some help or else!

Big (((((HUGS)))) TO YOU!

-Dori
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