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SLEEP ISSUES! HELP!


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  #1  
September 23rd, 2004, 07:17 PM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Okay moms. I've read every book out there, feels like, and still haven't solved DD's sleep
problems.

As far as I can tell, the problems are:
1. dependence on her pacifier
2. expecting to be rocked and held before she can get sleepy (nanny tends to reinforce this
behavior, tho I have asked to cut both down)

I already have a nightly routine (bath, bottle, bed), am trying to get her to adopt a "lovey",
and her nanny makes sure she gets at least two or three solid naps a day (ranging from 30 min to 1.5 hr) - these techniques are supposed to set the stage for better sleep habits, but I don't
know that they're having any effect.

She goes down pretty easy at night (around 9pm) but wakes up every hour starting at around
12:30 or so, crying for her paci to be re-inserted. And finally at 4:30 or 5, she's ready for a
bottle. My sleep is incredibly fragmented bc of this, tho it doesn't seem to be having any bad
effects on her. (She's a happy baby during the day)

I haven't tried the Cry It Out yet, partly due to my own ambivilence about letting her cry, and
partly because we're in a small place and I have to go to work every morning, so I don't want
to listen to anguished wailing.

Any experienced advice out there to address this? Techniques on easing paci-dependence?
Tricks to calm her before sleep that will KEEP her asleep? ANY and ALL advice is welcome!!

Thanks gals.

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  #2  
September 23rd, 2004, 08:01 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I dont know about the pacifier because Ty sleeps with his and can put it back in his own mouth so that I dont have to.
As far as not rocking her to sleep what worked for me was the cry it out method. I know alot of people dont agree with it but its the only thing that would work for us. I would give him a bottle, sing him 1 song then put him in his crib (tired but still awake) put on his music (it has a timer so for 5 mins) and leave the room. He would cry but I would wait 5 mins before going back in. I would calm him down--sometimes pick him up but would try not to and leave the room again. This time I would wait 7 mins. Each time coming back in and then waiting an extra 2 mins. If we got to the 12 min wait and he still wasnt sleeping I would go in and rock him to sleep. I had to do this for about 2 weeks before he would fall asleep on his own. For his nightly feedings I just slowly decreased them by about 1/2 once a night. I would put him down not rocking him and let him cry for about 2 mins then go back in and rock him to sleep because I dont have as much patients in the middle of the night. He didnt actually sleep through the night til about 9 months old and sometimes he still wakes about 1 or 2 times. If your DD is only 6 months you might have a harder time. Good luck!
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  #3  
September 23rd, 2004, 08:12 PM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks Jen. I dread the CIO method, but so many people have recommended it to me! Maybe
will have to try what you described. (O' course, still doesn't solve the waking up
for paci problem, but maybe one has to do with the other?)
Yikes, keep fingers crossed....
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  #4  
September 23rd, 2004, 09:11 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Does she have something to clip the paci on her clothes? Or does she have to search for it when it falls out of her mouth? Ty has a clip. I put it right on his pj's and all he has to do is grab that in his sleep and he's got his paci.
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  #5  
September 24th, 2004, 02:38 AM
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I've heard great things about: "The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" by Elizabeth Pantley
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  #6  
September 24th, 2004, 02:50 AM
zonapellucida
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try this link

www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm

I have a 17 month old that is still waking twice that I cosleep wiht so I am the worst at fivng sleep advice. I won't CIO because I think it scruel but I am OH SO TEMPTED!!!!!!
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  #7  
September 24th, 2004, 04:34 AM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Don't sell yourself short, ZonaPel - you have alot of kids and MUST know
a thing or two about good sleep habits! Thanks for the link, I will check
it out today.

Kooka - I read it. Good advice, and I'm employing almost all of her tricks:
consistent routine, introduce a "lovey", taking the paci out after she's
asleep etc. Haven't seen results yet but still trying...

TylerJ - I don't know about clips, not sure she'd be coordinated enough
to grab it. Also, do you mean, extra paci's attached to her PJs? Or is it
a clip w-a string on the paci that's in her mouth? Either way, I will
investigate further!

Thanks again for all your advice!!!!
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  #8  
September 24th, 2004, 05:03 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I took a couple pics this morning so you can see what i'm talking about. You can get them just about anywhere. BabiesRUs, Target, Walmart, Baby Depot.
They come in different colors and makers.

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  #9  
September 24th, 2004, 07:17 AM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First of all, just want to say, your son is ADORABLE!! What a face on that
little guy. So cute!!!!

Secondly, thanks for the pics of the clips- I will check out the selections at
the local baby-stuff store!!

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  #10  
September 24th, 2004, 07:40 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamaB@Sep 24 2004, 09:17 AM
First of all, just want to say, your son is ADORABLE!! What a face on that
little guy. So cute!!!!



Thank you!
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  #11  
September 24th, 2004, 12:43 PM
mom2one's Avatar Super Mommy
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Mine didn't sleep through the night until she was 2! She was rocked/fed to sleep. I used to get sooooo overwhelmed and wondered what I was suppose to do. In the end, I decided to stop stressing over it, she would do it in her own time. She did!

My advice is do what works! They won't be doing it forever. If your dd likes her paci or likes being rocked to sleep, then do it.

After a while my dd would not want me to rock her but sit by her crib while she laid there with her bottle. Then she would pass out and I would take the bottle and leave. If she woke in the night, we did the same thing. She never took a paci, but was dependent on the bottle for comfort.

One night she just slept through and has since. Don't know what was different except she had been on an allergy therapy for about a year, so I new the allergies kept waking her up at night.

Now she just hangs out with us downstairs on the couch and falls asleep. Dh then carries her upstairs and she stays there until morning.

I would say from experience, to let it ride. I read books, did CIO (awful!), tried it all. That ended up being more stressful then just going with the flow. When I did the CIO, I let dd cry for almost an hour after the going in every few minutes and patting the back didn't work. I found after two weeks it got a bit better. But then any illness or anything else would still wake her up and eventually she was back to her old ways. And I was not about to start over again. My dd would cry until she threw up and this was like at 1 old or older, so I wasn't even doing it to a infant and she was still hysterical. I just waited it out and did what worked for her and made her the most secure.

Hope that helps!
Good luck
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  #12  
September 24th, 2004, 07:16 PM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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mom2one - I hear where you're coming from, I really do - instinct compels me to
go to her when she cries at night, give her the paci, whatever. But I'm a working
ma and lack of sleep blurs me hard, and eventually my job performance, not to
mention my health - headaches and stomaches that I'm sure stem from never
sleeping more than 2 or 3 consecutive hours. Other than that, I know of others
with little ones who were stricter than I was at the beginning, and as a result
are sleeping waaay more than I get to. One friend even called me a sucker, to
treat my dd like such a queen. I just figured there must be some middle ground
out there, between total slave to the baby's night habits or total indifference to
them. But everybody who gives me new advice is helpful, as I try to
incorporate aspects of what I like from each. And you seem particularly child-
focused and relaxed about it, which I think is terrific. I hope I can be that kind of
positive too, in the days (and - ugh- nights!) to come.
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  #13  
September 24th, 2004, 08:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamaB@Sep 24 2004, 08:16 PM
mom2one - I hear where you're coming from, I really do - instinct compels me to
go to her when she cries at night, give her the paci, whatever. But I'm a working
ma and lack of sleep blurs me hard, and eventually my job performance, not to
mention my health - headaches and stomaches that I'm sure stem from never
sleeping more than 2 or 3 consecutive hours. Other than that, I know of others
with little ones who were stricter than I was at the beginning, and as a result
are sleeping waaay more than I get to. One friend even called me a sucker, to
treat my dd like such a queen. I just figured there must be some middle ground
out there, between total slave to the baby's night habits or total indifference to
them. But everybody who gives me new advice is helpful, as I try to
incorporate aspects of what I like from each. And you seem particularly child-
focused and relaxed about it, which I think is terrific. I hope I can be that kind of
positive too, in the days (and - ugh- nights!) to come.
I totally know where you are coming from. Chase (now 11) was 2.5 before he slept through the night. I worked full time and had an older son at home as well (he's 2y9m older than Chase). It's exhausting, but it's important to meet his needs. I would work more on weaning from the paci than the length of time that she sleeps.

Having been mommying for 14 years now, I can honestly say ... this too shall pass. I look at Chase today and I can't believe how big he is. How much time has gone by and how quickly it went by. It's heartbreaking to miss that loveable cuddling toddler.

Liam is 17 months old. He sleeps about 2-3 hours at a time. I don't work outside the home, but now, I have 2 big kids to care for, a house to care for, errands for the big boys .... and I'm old! lol (ok, not old, but older than I was when I had the big boys)

Today, he was so tired that he couldn't see straight. I put him in the pack and play after 30 minutes of nursing and having him get up and down ... argh!!!! and he fussed and protested and climbed out of hte pack and play! I went back in about 7 minutes later and nursed him to sleep. I am in the same boat as Heidi. I'm so close to letting him cry it out it's not funny, but I can't. There's too many negative connotations. I'm not willing to take a chance on him getting sick and having to start all over. It's just not worth his mental health to do that. He's so little, he still needs me. I'll suck it up like I did with Liam and just try to keep it going. When I worked, it was hard, really hard, but being at home is harder. I want to sleep and can't because he coudl get hurt. At work, i was busy enough to stay somewhat with it.

Hang in there. sleep is a developmental milestone like everything else that she does. She will sleep when her body no longer needs nourishment. The sucking need can last beyond the first year. Maybe encourage her to suck her thumb (I have no problems with this ....... better to self satisfy than to get no sleep)

Best Wishes
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  #14  
September 25th, 2004, 10:40 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think that what Jennifer has described is the Ferber Method... a way of gradually increasing the time you let them cry. I know nothing about it except that a) it's supposed to be wonderful and B) you increase the time in tiny increments up to something like 1/2 hour-- nothing like the 3 hours of screaming you're probably imagining. I would look into it-- you can get the info online, I'm sure.

Other things you've probably already tried:
-classical music. You can play it very very softly, so it's barely audible. It really does soothe. Get a tape player that will replay the same tape over and over. As far as the actual music goes, hit the library. Try some lullabys by Brahms, or some of the Baby Einstein stuff. When you find out what you like-- and whether or not it works, you can spend some money on the same tapes.

- A variation on the previous idea: record yourself reading a story. The sound of your voice may soothe her without you actually getting up.

-Another variation: get a 2nd monitor, and reverse it, so you can talk to her from your own bed. Leave it turned off until you're ready for bed.

- a night light.

- OK, this is against all the rules: My girls have a TV/VCR in their room. (Short story: it used to be our room. The TV is mounted on the wall, and would be a pain to take down. I do LOTS of tutoring, and the babysitters like having the VCR to help entertain my kids quietly.) Anyway, once in a while Kira wakes up and can't settle. I put in a kiddie tape with the volume off, and she watches it until she falls asleep.

- Why break the paci habit if it helps her sleep? I would throw 4 or 5 pacis into the crib. If she wakes up, maybe she'll be able to find one. The first few nights you may have to help her, but I bet that, once she knows they're there, she hunts for them. There's time enough before college to break that habit-- I would concentrate on the sleep first. Fight the battles that need fighting.

I hope something here helps!
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  #15  
September 27th, 2004, 12:03 PM
mom2one's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamaB@Sep 24 2004, 09:16 PM
mom2one - I hear where you're coming from, I really do - instinct compels me to
go to her when she cries at night, give her the paci, whatever. But I'm a working
ma and lack of sleep blurs me hard, and eventually my job performance, not to
mention my health - headaches and stomaches that I'm sure stem from never
sleeping more than 2 or 3 consecutive hours. Other than that, I know of others
with little ones who were stricter than I was at the beginning, and as a result
are sleeping waaay more than I get to. One friend even called me a sucker, to
treat my dd like such a queen. I just figured there must be some middle ground
out there, between total slave to the baby's night habits or total indifference to
them. But everybody who gives me new advice is helpful, as I try to
incorporate aspects of what I like from each. And you seem particularly child-
focused and relaxed about it, which I think is terrific. I hope I can be that kind of
positive too, in the days (and - ugh- nights!) to come.
Oh please don't think it was a breeze for me. I also work fulltime and dd cried in the carseat every day. I was sooo frazzled, headaches, in a daze...you name it, I've felt it. It's awful. I remember begging and pleading for her to sleep. I could barely function as my dd had colic and allergies pretty much since day 1. So I know what no sleep feels like. I honestly don't know how I made it through. My pedi said not to worry about it, my Mom said not to worry about it...this too shall pass. And you know what? It did. I know how you feel, honestly, but it will end. She WILL sleep through eventually, I swear!

Gosh, I can tell you the whole deal is a blur anymore, I honestly made it through on auto pilot.

When my dd was a year old, I finally went into my boss' office and had a sit down with him. I told him I was overwhelmed and he needed to give me some slack. And he did.

I honestly would tell you to get away from the office a little early one day a week and go home and nap! Then pick up your baby and get through!

It won't be forever....although I couldn't imagine life changing.

One night, she just slept through....just like everyone said. And now I feel guilty for those few times I let her CIO. Also, CIO was too difficult, b/c the non stop crying was worse than just getting up and putting her back to sleep. At least she was quiet. If she wanted to play at 2am...well then we have other issues. But all my dd wanted was someone to hold her and rock her. It's what she liked and it worked. She would just go right back to sleep.

Hang in there, it will get better. I just don't want you to do something out of desperation and then feel guilty if it doesn't work or if she ends up sleeping through on her own one day. Then you might feel crappy for wanting her to sleep through just so you can sleep. This is why I am way more relaxed now. But then, not a chance. I gave myself heartburn and had to go on medication for it. I was too anxious to go back to sleep thinking she'll wake up again as soon as I am comfortable again.

Hang in there, this too shall pass!

Even though your friends may be telling you that you are a sucker, isn't true. I can tell you that no one I know has a dd like mine. And it's not fair to assume ALL kids are the same. Mine is very spirited and even stopped napping at two! She is fine and happy and makes it fine through the day, so all kids are different. Her school doesn't make her nap b/c they know all kids are different. Your friends should be greatful they have easy going kids. They can't expect all babies to be sleeping throug the night at 8 weeks.

What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. I am such a strong person for what I have been through with dd and I wouldn't change the experience for anything, she is my dd and she is her own person and I can't put expectations on what I think she should be doing and at what age. I have not failed her in any way and we are forever bonded b/c of the struggles we faced together. I know I can make it through anything at this point!
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  #16  
September 27th, 2004, 01:38 PM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by mom2one@Sep 27 2004, 02:03 PM
What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. I am such a strong person for what I have been through with dd and I wouldn't change the experience for anything, she is my dd and she is her own person and I can't put expectations on what I think she should be doing and at what age. I have not failed her in any way and we are forever bonded b/c of the struggles we faced together. I know I can make it through anything at this point!
Mom2one - thank you for your words of encouragement. that last para
esp hit home. It means alot to hear all this advice and know I am not
alone on this - it may feel that way sometimes, but obviously it seems
there is light at the end of the tunnel. I so appreciate it.

Alice, ThreeBoyz - terrific tips, and I will certainly be trying them out!!

Blessings, all!!
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  #17  
September 29th, 2004, 04:22 PM
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CIO worked for us when my son was younger. Heck, there are nights now at 2 1/2 where he's so tired but gets slap happy and thinks we should just play with him. We have to let him work it out for himself because if we do something 2 nights in a row, it's considered a new routine. These little people establish a routine so quickly!!
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