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  #1  
November 28th, 2011, 09:46 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2
First off, I need to preface this post with the fact that I am not pregnant at this time. I am 28 and recently married. I have always wanted to be a mother and really look forward to having a baby once we are ready to start upon that exciting path! I am trying to do as much research as possible on everything that has to do with having a child and raising one. I know that research can only take you so far . . . but I like to be in control of things My husband is the same way, and we both enjoy discussing the potential options for our future together. (I of course start around 80% of these discussions but he is a willing and active participant).

I go back and forth on a daily basis with the concept of being a SAHM vs. working mom. I just spent eight years of college to obtain a degree and have been working for 2 years in my field. I currently have a very rewarding job that I enjoy. It is not necessarily rewarding in the $ department (I only make around 65 with the potential of 90+ in 3 or so years) but it is non-profit and I feel like I am making a very small "difference" in the community.

The hours are 9-6 Mon-Thurs and 9-12 Friday. It is not the type of job that could be very flexible on the hours, it really does need to stay 9-6. Therefore, I leave my home around 8am and return around 6:45pm. I am extremely concerned with the idea of raising a newborn/toddler with these hours. I feel like I would see the infant for about an hour per day . . . if that. I will miss most all of the exciting milestones. Is work worth missing that?

Is it doable? Does anyone else have a similar schedule?

My husband thinks we would need and au-pair or nanny. I would prefer a nanny to daycare and we could afford to have one if I am working FT.

The other option would be to consider SAHM. I like the idea of that, although I am not sure if we would be content financially (priorities need to be addressed, I know). I have never been a penny-pincher. My mother was a stay at home mother . . . but it was easily affordable for them.

Another concern is that I am pretty competitive. I do not know how I would feel being a 100% SAHM and not out trying to "get ahead". I live in the DC area and I feel like that is the status quo. I have never been good at arts and crafts and motherly things . . .I would however, love a full day of playing outside, exploring zoos, picnics etc. So maybe I would just be a different type of SAHM?

So much to think about! It really does keep me up at night. I do not have any friends or co-workers who are working mothers. All of my SAHM friends are either staying at home because their job wasn't worth it or because their husband is a surgeon. My husband is not a surgeon . . . and I have a great job that I am scared to give up.

Thoughts?! I would really appreciate it. We were thinking of starting to try for a baby around age 30-31. That only leaves me TWO (to four) years to figure this all out as much as possible
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  #2  
November 28th, 2011, 06:43 PM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
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I work 8-5 M-F. I see the kids in the mornings when I get them up and ready.

during the week is hard to have family time but we do a little bit here and there.

I would not be able to be a SAHM full time. I would have to have a part time job in the evenings.

Good Luck
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  #3  
November 29th, 2011, 05:41 AM
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I work 8-4 from home in a pretty high stress job. I have a nanny that lets me keep my daughter home with me, and we can maximize our time together that way.

My preference would be to sah with my own "hobby" business that was flexible around my daughter's needs and that we weren't dependent on for our lifestyle and our basic needs. BUT, having had the luxury of staying home for a year of mat leave I can tell you, no matter what your preference is, that is one HECK of an adjustment. I'd say it's about as difficult an adjustment as going back to work is after maternity leave of any length of time. Especially for someone with a specialized education, and a job/career they really derive satisfaction from and have built an identity through.

I often say that I have no idea how some of these ladies do it adding trekking the kids back and forth to daycare every day into the mix, and how little time there is left to have fun with the kids after they all get home and get night time routines started. I'm infinitely blessed to be able to work from home, earning the money I do, and have a nanny to pitch in and help me bridge the gaps of being a working mom full time and a pseudo full time sahm. No matter what the situation, I do know we all make the best possible situation of it that we can, and we optimize every single opportunity. EVEN when you're sick as a dog, you'll snag that opportunity to snuggle with your kid in bed, and you'll put up with whatever cartoon is available on tv, just for those precious moments.

I also know that overthinking things can drain you and create more stress than you need. So my advice is to try not overthinking things, but prepare that everything in your life will change with a baby. And they will rarely (if ever) change the way you expected them to, but it will all be worth the sacrifices in the end.
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  #4  
November 29th, 2011, 07:47 AM
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I really appreciate these comments.
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  #5  
November 29th, 2011, 08:19 AM
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I work a 7-4 job. I commute 30 mins each way. BF works second shift and that includes weekends.

I took my full 12 weeks of leave to spend as much time with her as I could. I pick her up from daycare everyday, and spend from 5pm to 9pm with her. I feel like I get some good time with her. Plus I am her sole care taker on the weekends, so we spend all day sat/sun together.
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  #6  
November 29th, 2011, 11:10 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 4,862
You sound a lot like me, except that I never really struggle with the work vs. SAH dilemma until after my DD was born. It never occurred to me that I would consider staying at home. Thank goodness you're not as naive as me! I also went to college for 8 years and had my DD at 30.

Here is what I suggest: try to find a job where you can work from home. That's what I do, and I can't imagine being happy any other way. I'm not cut out to be a SAHM, yet I was (and still am) so intensely attached to my DD that I couldn't imagine going to work outside of the home during the first 6-12 months or so.

If that's not an option, I recommend taking 6-12 months off if your job will allow. And yes, the nanny is well worth it if you can afford one.

Good luck!
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  #7  
November 29th, 2011, 12:05 PM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,639
Quote:
Originally Posted by shockandawe View Post
I work 8-4 from home in a pretty high stress job. I have a nanny that lets me keep my daughter home with me, and we can maximize our time together that way.

My preference would be to sah with my own "hobby" business that was flexible around my daughter's needs and that we weren't dependent on for our lifestyle and our basic needs. BUT, having had the luxury of staying home for a year of mat leave I can tell you, no matter what your preference is, that is one HECK of an adjustment. I'd say it's about as difficult an adjustment as going back to work is after maternity leave of any length of time. Especially for someone with a specialized education, and a job/career they really derive satisfaction from and have built an identity through.

I often say that I have no idea how some of these ladies do it adding trekking the kids back and forth to daycare every day into the mix, and how little time there is left to have fun with the kids after they all get home and get night time routines started. I'm infinitely blessed to be able to work from home, earning the money I do, and have a nanny to pitch in and help me bridge the gaps of being a working mom full time and a pseudo full time sahm. No matter what the situation, I do know we all make the best possible situation of it that we can, and we optimize every single opportunity. EVEN when you're sick as a dog, you'll snag that opportunity to snuggle with your kid in bed, and you'll put up with whatever cartoon is available on tv, just for those precious moments.

I also know that overthinking things can drain you and create more stress than you need. So my advice is to try not overthinking things, but prepare that everything in your life will change with a baby. And they will rarely (if ever) change the way you expected them to, but it will all be worth the sacrifices in the end.


Ditto! I work M-Th 8-5 and Friday 8-Noon.
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  #8  
November 29th, 2011, 12:16 PM
-erin-'s Avatar Co-Host of the May2010 PR
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,040
Really, I don't think you'll know what you really want until you have your baby. And even then you won't really know. I've always worked and after my 12 (actually 13) weeks home with my baby, I was a teeny bit anxious to go back to work. Once I went back I hated it and I wish I could stay home. Maybe (maybe) if we scrimped a lot (and moved to a crappier area) I could do it, so I guess I must not want it that badly. I still do plan to stay home when we have a 2nd one, if I can, at least for the first year. The plan is also to move to a lower cost of living area to help make that possible (I'm also in the DC/Baltimore area). But it's just a hopeful plan, so we'll see...

But anyways, I work 8:30-5 each day with a commute that is an hour, minimum, each way. I drop off at daycare at 7:45 (about 1/3 of the way between home and work, closer to home) and pick up around 5:45. I don't get her up any earlier than I have to in the mornings since she needs all the sleep she can get and they give her breakfast at daycare. We get home a bit after 6. Then bedtime routine starts by 7:30. After making and eating dinner there is usually an hour or less of play/quality time each night But I try to make the most of that time and I'm more patient with her since I only read the same book 10x a day instead of 1000

It's all what you make of it and I'm trying to be more positive about it. Sometimes it feels like I'm not actually the one raising my daughter and that really bothers me. But I know that we still have a special bond and is still turning into a great little girl.
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  #9  
November 30th, 2011, 05:48 PM
Kristin32's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,048
I work 7:30-4:00 and I'm really fortunate to only have a 15 min. commute so we're home by 4:30. This gives us 3 hours of good family time each night before Collin goes to bed. It's hard to have such limited time with him but, honestly, I think it's more about the quality of time spent together versus quantity. I have a feeling that if I was a SAHM we'd have plenty of time together but it wouldn't necessary be quality time. I really appreciate and make the most of the time we do have.
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