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My baby is attached to my mother-in-law


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  #1  
December 19th, 2011, 10:46 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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This is my first post! My little girl is 8 months old. I work part time and my husband works full time, so my mother-in-law keeps her while we work. She usually has her around 2 days and one night per week and every now and then, when my husband and I have a date night, she keeps her then also. My MIL is great with all kids and I know that I'm SO lucky to have her to watch my baby when we can't. But my little girl is so attached to my MIL. Its to the point that when my MIL is around, my baby wants nothing to do with me. If I take her from my MIL, she cries. I know it shouldn't but it hurts my feelings so bad. It's also humiliating. I feel like I'm failing as a mom. I'm glad that she has a bond with her Nana but I want her to bond with me as well. Am I leaving her with my MIL too much? Of course, my MIL doesn't help the matter much. She loves that my baby is so attached to her and even engourages it and brags about it. If we are at a family function, my MIL just completely takes over my little one. She knows I won't come get her from her because my baby will cry and scream in front of everyone, wanting her Nana back. Have any of you other moms been through something similiar with your baby's caretaker? Will she outgrow this? Will she ever want ME over her Nana?? What can I do to help this? This is my first baby and the first baby I've ever really been around so I'm doing to the best I can. I need advice!!
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  #2  
December 19th, 2011, 11:05 AM
kerian's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: South Africa
Posts: 33,718
hi and welcome!!!

i am so sorry you feeling like this. when i went back to work my mom (well step mom but only mom i have), watched my daughter everyday. and there came many, many times i felt the same way as you. but as she got a little older our bond grew even more.
my daughter is still very close to my mom but i dont feel that way anymore.
i made myself feel better by thinking that if anything were to happen to me i know my daughter had someone she was really close to.

and i can assure you, that your daughter loves you alot. and please never feel like a failure as a mother. i just think that our children, even when very young, know that grandparents mean fun and games.
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  #3  
December 19th, 2011, 01:41 PM
-erin-'s Avatar Co-Host of the May2010 PR
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Location: Florida
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I work fulltime and until my DD was a year old my MIL watched her 5 days a week, 10-11 hours each day. Now I have her in daycare 4 days but my MIL still gets her one (our compromise, since MIL is the opposite direction from work and the drive was getting to be too much). They definitely bonded and there were times where my DD may have wanted to be held by MIL, but I think she always knew I was her mommy and of course we still have a special relationship. You get to spend much more time with your DD than I do, she definitely knows you're her mom. It's probably just a phase or something.
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  #4  
December 19th, 2011, 02:22 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Portland, OR
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I can't say I've experience that myself because when my mom watched my DD, my DD wanted both us us around all the time. She was thrilled to see her grammy but also thrilled to see me at the end of the day. We have a non-family member taking care of her now and I can just imagine that it would feel much worse if the attachment were to a non-family member. I know I would feel jealous also, but it's a good thing in a way.

My mom was also very hands-on and would spend a lot of time with my DD even on weekends, etc. when I'm not working. I took advantage of that! I don't let strangers watch my DD so I was thrilled to have an opportunity to hang out with DH alone, go out with friends, etc.
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  #5  
December 20th, 2011, 04:11 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 140
My children are all very attached to my mom. She has been, in all honesty, their other parent since their father and I divorced, so my kids often want to be with her. This doesn't bother me. I am happy that, outside of me, they have somebody who they are attached to and love. It makes them feel more secure and that's all that matters to me. I have had several cases where we will meet my mom for lunch, or just stop by to drop something off for her and the kids will cry and cry because they don't want to stay with me but want to stay with my mom. I let them. The longest that they have stayed with her has been three back to back days and then they call me and want to come home. They know who their mom is and they know where they want to end up....which is home with me
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  #6  
December 20th, 2011, 06:36 AM
sfarrow3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,639
My son will do this with my MIL and it use to sting, but now it doesn't. I am very happy and thankful that someone else loves my child so much. Don't worry momma she knows who you are and you are her number one!
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  #7  
December 20th, 2011, 09:38 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It could be just a phase.

you are not doing anything wrong. she knows that you are her mother.
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  #8  
December 20th, 2011, 09:40 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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She knows who you are - and you are not failing as a momma, though I know and understand that feeling very well.

My little one does the same thing with my mom. I think it would bother me if it happened with my MIL, but then I don't have a great relationship with my MIL. When my mom is around though, DD will wig out if my mom leaves the room. She doesn't seem to care if I go to another room...but when Grandma goes to another room, it's all "Katie bar the door".

My DD also called her nanny mommy once. That really stung - especially since I work from home and she sees me 24/7. She will cling to you again...she's just going to test this attachment for now. Chin up mama. I've learned these kids are killer on our emotional health.
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  #9  
August 31st, 2012, 02:57 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Hi, even I suffered a same situation, but as days go, she understood I am her mother. You try to spend more time with her and let your husband also knows about your feeling. Because he might help you out. Dont loose ur child's affection. Be brave and try to tell her directly that u r the mother of ur kid. this is something that has to be addressed now, it clearly can't keep going on like this. the sooner the better
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