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Still haven't spoken to DH....


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
July 29th, 2008, 03:42 PM
Angel_Maker
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So it's coming to the end of the 3rd day and DH and I are still not on speaking terms

This absolutely SUCKS!! I think it's funny how when *I'M* mad about something, I HAVE to get over it by the next day or I'm deemed a HORRIBLE person, but him and HIS FAMILY can hold grudges against me for days, weeks, or months and that's OK

I'm so sick of all this crap!!! I didn't ASK for my babies to die, I didn't ASK for his family to turn their back on me, I didn't ASK for ANY of this!!!

All I wanted was to build a family with the man that I have adored since I was TEN YEARS OLD It just pisses me off that DH and his family have put me in the situation to where I feel like Asher and Noah were the best and WORST thing that ever happened to me.....

I shouldn't feel that way about my babies!!!!
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  #2  
July 29th, 2008, 04:31 PM
Josey's Avatar Super Mommy
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Hey! I'm sorry that all of this happened to you. You are one of the greatest people I have had the pleasure of knowing and I wish that I could take all the bad stuff out of your life. I wish I had the magic solution for you. I hate knowing all that you are going through and DH is adding to it. I love you. I hope that DH realizes what he is doing and stops soon. If not, we can always run away and get married and say "POOH with men"!!! lol If you every need anything I am always here for you!!! I love you!!!
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  #3  
July 29th, 2008, 04:54 PM
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  #4  
July 29th, 2008, 04:55 PM
Angel_Maker
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Quote:
Hey! I'm sorry that all of this happened to you. You are one of the greatest people I have had the pleasure of knowing and I wish that I could take all the bad stuff out of your life. I wish I had the magic solution for you. I hate knowing all that you are going through and DH is adding to it. I love you. I hope that DH realizes what he is doing and stops soon. If not, we can always run away and get married and say "POOH with men"!!! lol If you every need anything I am always here for you!!! I love you!!![/b]

Thanks Jo That's why you're still my bestest friend even though we live hundreds of miles apart
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  #5  
July 29th, 2008, 05:01 PM
Jessa78's Avatar Super Mommy
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Brandi, I am so sorry, honey. I haven't been on in a while and I just read your posts. Please forgive me.

Here is my lowly two cents worth:
Your DH loves you and I can tell that you truly love him but you're both taking hits from too many sides right now. You're dealing with IF, overwhelming grief (which is completely understandable and sadly unavoidable) and now in-laws who are telling your DH anything he wants to hear to make him feel like he should choose them over you (which is utterly ridiculous since he made that choice a long time ago - the moment he said his wedding vows).

Even just one of those things can break a couple but all three together? That's torture and the fact that you aren't rocking in a corner is a bloody miracle. The sad irony in all of this is that the only other person in this world who really knows what you're facing right now is your DH, and vice-versa. You need him and he needs you. Nothing about this is fair and telling you to make the first move is not only unfair, it would be way, way out of line. I just hate to see (read) you in so much pain, honey. If you can, and if he's mature enough to respond with his own feelings (not those of his parents'), I truly hope the two of you can move through this together (just the two of you) and come out closer and stronger for it.

Big, big You will be in my T&P, hon. I'll be checking on you soon, too. NO MATTER WHAT: please, please do not give up.

We need you too much.

One more thing, you know that what happened to you gives you the right to feel anything you need to feel, yes? And that those emotions will run the gamut of everything from intense sadness to intense anger and that is COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE. Nothing you could say regarding your feelings on this subject would shock me or make me think any less of you as a woman or a mother. That someone would make you feel worse makes me angry on your behalf but there is no way in this world that anyone in their right mind could think for even one instant that you did not/do not love those boys with every fiber of your being. No one should have to endure that kind of pain and NO ONE can tell you how to deal with it. Period. Feel whatever the H**L you need to feel, honey.
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  #6  
July 29th, 2008, 08:11 PM
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I'm so sorry Brandi!
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  #7  
July 29th, 2008, 08:36 PM
DoulaMama's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry. I hope you can work through this.
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  #8  
July 29th, 2008, 09:19 PM
ShannonMVT's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Brandi I am so sorry. Sometimes (to me) it seems like everyone else and their Dh are do just fine and dandy after a loss and it depresses me at times because that's not my reality. To be honest, I don't think it is with many people, whether they can talk about or not.

It's hard when so many people say "oh my loss brought Dh and I closer together" and I feel sad that I don't really think I can say that.

I have had shouting matches with my Dh over everything we've through. I still don't think he responds to me and my grief "correctly". As much as it stinks, I've found that I need to do most of my venting/crying with my other IRL support or my JM girls. Dh just doesn't get it.

#1 He doesn't have as much invested emotionally in having kids as I do.
#2 He (like yours) thinks I need to move on and not think about "what might have been".

Men process and deal with things SO DIFFERERENTLY and I really think that for the average couple, the woman wants to have children much more than the man. They have even done studies on couples with infertility, and the average woman said it was the hardest thing she had ever gone through, while the men simply said it was something hard, but not *that* bad.

I agree with the pp that you are having to deal with two VERY hard things, loss and infertility. Sometimes I feel like I have gotten the short end of the stick one two many times and I'm sure you do too.

I hope you and Dh are able to work things out soon. Maybe seeing a counselor together who specializes in infertility would be helpful?

Sending you tons and tons of I hope things get better for you soon. You deserve better from life.
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  #9  
July 30th, 2008, 04:29 AM
Angel_Maker
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Thank you girls


Jessa and Shannon, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragment

Jessa, you make me feel like I'm at least still sane Everyone IRL is telling me to "get over it" and thinks it's "crazy" that I'm still so torn up from it....but honestly, the memories of the day I found out about my boys and the pain and agony that ensued after that...it literally haunts me......I swear this is what post traumatic stress must feel like because sometimes I just "snap" and I feel like I have no control....


I have no plans on giving up.....we've come too fair and I have too much invested in this emotionally, physically, mentally.....I just hope DH can take his own advice and "let it go"....
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  #10  
July 30th, 2008, 04:51 AM
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I am sorry to hear that you and DH have not gotten to talk about this.
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