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I seriously have no expectations this month and for the first time ever--I feel like am NEUTRAL as to whether I'm PG or not this cycle.
I think it's just I was sooooo disappointed last month after our first failed IUI, and I just kind of have created this wall this month. I've mentally resigned myself to the fact that the odds are---we're going to have to do IVF.
So I almost feel like we didn't even TRY this month---I am THAT convinced it's not going to happen. I just don't think IUI will work for us, given my tubal issues.
I find myself just looking ahead and anticipating when we will be able to start IVF. I'm thinking not until April b/c we are going to be in Florida and the Caribbean for 11 days in March. Maybe I can start b/c in March, though???
Anyway, I feel FINE this month, just not very enthused about anything. I feel very jaded.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim
I definetly understand...about 6 months into trying to conceive naturally, I lost hope. Unfortunately, because of my HMO, I had to wait it out for another 6 months to get medical assistance. We did IUI with injects this month, but I think I was more thinking of this as a test run for IVF. I hope this year we get our BFP's...
__________________ The Person Who Said It Can't Be Done Should Not Interrupt The Woman Doing It-Chinese Proverb
though our circumstances are different, I kind of get how you're feeling...I felt that way a little bit this month actually. I think everyone copes with things in different ways and if trying to stay a little detached helps you to get through things-maybe it's not such a bad strategy to use. Just hang in there though-you never know what will happen-there are a lot of inspiring/miracle stories on this website! I'm sending you heaps of dust, hoping you won't have to go the IVF route
On the bright side-sounds like you have a great vacation to look forward to. Even if you have to do IVF, maybe that will make waiting for it a little less stressful...
__________________ Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long! Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*
I definitely have days, or groups of days, where I just feel like I don't care anymore. Sometimes I start thinking that maybe I don't even want to have kids anymore...it is just too hard going through all the disappointment over and over.
All it takes is one little thing, though, and I'm right back on the TTC wagon. It might be a twinge in my ovary or, like today, a + OPK, and then I'm full of excitement and hope again. Maybe I'm setting myself up for disappointment, but I can't help myself. I guess I'm just stuck on the roller coaster for now.
I know you want that BFP RIGHT NOW, but it sounds like you have a great plan...vacation and then IVF. I hope that you wake up tomorrow with happier thoughts!
Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)
After 2 years and 4 months of TTC with the loss of our boys, countless rounds of Clomid, a round of Femara, a failed IUI, a failed IVF, and a cancelled FET, I've long since thrown my hands up and said "whatever"....I don't think it's that I've "lost hope", but I'm just emotionally drained...I've spent SO MUCH time worrying about if THIS was the cycle, or if THIS procedure worked, blah blah blah....I can't handle it anymore....it's entirely in God's hands at this point...DH, myself, and my doctors will all do our part, and leave the rest to the big man upstairs
Yes, I've felt that way - and I can't believe I'm admitting this, but over the past several weeks I've caught myself thinking "maybe child-free living wouldn't be that bad"... I think my mind is just trying to rationalize with me and prepare me for a potential BFN later this month - in a weird self-defense mechanism kind of way. If I don't care as much, it won't hurt as much, you know?
I've definately felt that way, after about 20 months of TTC. Yesterday, I had a break down and started crying about TTC. Every month I try not to have high expectations, but I'm always disappointed in the end and want to take a TTC break. But as soon as I get close to ovulation again, I'm back to temping and using OPKs. I try not to care so much, month after month, but in the end it's something I really want more than anything.
I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I think it's really just a defense mechanism kicking in to help you deal with disappointment should you see another BFN. I got into such denial when I founded out that IVF was my only option that I actually convinced myself for years that I didn't even want kids. It took me about 7 years to snap out of it and finally bite the bullet and go for it. Then once I started down the IVF path I had 2 BFN's first 2 cycles, then a m/c the 3rd cycle. By the time I got to the 4th cycle I very much had the "I don't care" feeling and somehow that BFN didn't seem as disappointing and then with the 5th cycle and another m/c I was pretty much numb. Fortunately 6 times was the charm for me and I didn't have to find out how I would've reacted that time.
In hindsight, I think a break may have done me some good to regroup. I don't know if that's something you would consider or not and whether you think it would help or not, but maybe some time to focus on yourself and your life outside of TTC'ing would be good.
oh yeah, I totally hear you! I've definitely felt that way many times in this journey. I think that we have to do that sometimes... it's just so hard to get let down month after month and then face those people who don't know your situation and ask "when are you going to have a baby/another baby?"...when you just want to scream at them, 'WE ARE TRYING!!!'... I felt that way oct, nov and dec b/c I had good distractions- vacations, holidays, moving to our new house... but now I'm back to wanting it so bad I can't hardly stand it and crying/feeling sorry for myself b/c I can't get pregnant. It seems to come in ebbs and flows...
Maybe we will be doing IVF at the same time.. I'm thinking probably April for us too. Of course, I hope you get your BFP before then.. I keep hoping a "miracle" will happen and I will end up pregnant before then, but the truth is that my odds are so slim and I know that.