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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
January 19th, 2009, 10:32 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 6,083
BFN I was pretty crushed. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that this month didn't work-but until you get those results, there's always a small glimmer of hope. So-I cried for a while. I just didn't expect it to be so hard. The nurse said my hcg levels were less than .5 So I'm definitely out.

I keep waiting for this all to get easier. I know it won't ever be easy-but when am I going to start feeling better. It seems like I've cried more within the last 6 months than I have in my whole entire life. Do things ever get easier? I wish I were more numb, more detached so I wouldn't have to go through this again and again. How much more can I take? I feel so ###### defective-why can't my body just work they way it's supposed to. And then I have this overwhelming guilt because I know DH would have already been a daddy if it weren't for my stupid condition And he's been so wonderful and supportive-sometimes it actually makes me feel guiltier that I can't give us a family. Every day I see kids-be it through counseling or testing-that are neglected, abused or just have messed up home lives. Why is it that their parents can't even take care of the kids they have-and then they go get pregnant again. It's just so cruel. I just feel like it's never going to happen for me-and the worse part is-I don't know how to make myself feel better. I'm not normally an unhappy person. I'm pretty good about picking myself up by the bootstraps-but I don't know what to do in this situation.

The other thing I can't get my head around is that I may need to start injectibles soon One nurse I spoke to said the doc only has patients on Clomid for 3-4 months, the other nurse said 3. I will be going into my third round. I just never thought I would ever get to injectibles-I was so naive.

And it's not the injectibles that scare me-I'll do what I have to do-it's knowing I'm that much closer to having to do IVF. That if the injections don't work-that will be my last option-that scares me to death. I'm not even scared of doing IVF-I'm scared of having no options left....

I'm sorry guys-I'm being a huge downer-thanks for letting me be cranky.
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Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*

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  #2  
January 19th, 2009, 10:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
You go right ahead and be cranky! You're right this whole process is totally draining, emotionally and physically. I'm really sorry about your results and I know there's not much more that I can say to take your pain away right now. I'll be thinking about you and we'll all be here for you when you need us!!!
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  #3  
January 19th, 2009, 10:43 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma City
Posts: 5,660
Oh hun, I am so sorry. It's just not fair.. and it hurts so bad. I wish we knew why we have to go thru these things.. and it's so hard to see so many others have and take for granted something that you want more than anything else.

My thoughts are with you today... try to take it easy.. I know it's hard when you've been hanging on to that glimmer of hope.
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  #4  
January 19th, 2009, 11:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
Huge to you. I'm so sorry! TTC is just sooooooo emotionally draining....it DOES hurt when we get BFNs or setbacks on the road, and I think we can all relate to how you're feeling.

Cry, vent, scream, go shopping, eat a box of chocolates or whatever you have to do! I know that when I get a negative or when AF shows, I am always down for a day or two, but then I start feeling all charged up and full of fresh hope for my new cycle! Hopefully, you will be back in "fight' mode in a day or two and ready to move on to whatever the next step may be!

Yeah, injectibles might be one step closer to IVF but look at it this way---it also puts you one step closer to having a baby!
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Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

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  #5  
January 19th, 2009, 11:29 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,398
I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, b/c I have been there. I was not scared of the countless surgeries, procedures, medicines, injections, etc, etc. I was scared most of having no options. My doctor told me this when I first when in for testing 2 years ago:

1. We will try Clomid and IUI
2. We will then move to injections and IUI
3. If that fails we go to IVF with injections
4. Our last hope is donor eggs with injections IVF

Well, when I went to see him, my regular ob/gyn had already tried the clomid, so we moved straight to step 2. I was a pt there 2 years going through steps 2 and 3 before I finally got to my last hope before adoption, which was donor eggs (in my case, my eggs were the issue, so he told us staight up that we'd probably have to do step 4 or adoption). I cried each step that passed b/c I was that much closer to zero options. For reasons I won't go into, my DH isn't keen on adoption, so donors were our last hope. But, the light at the end is that even if you have to go all the way, you will find a plan, you just have to keep beleiving that, or you will go crazy. In the end, donor eggs worked for us X3 as you can see from my siggy. I hope you get a plan that works for you. I pray for all you ladies here everyday!
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Thank you to *Kiliki* for creating the perfect siggy!

"Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat" ~Malcolm Forbes

IUI #1 - Nov 07 = BFN, IUI #2 - Dec 07 = BFN
IVF #1 - Apr 08 = BFN
IVF #2 - Nov 18
Dec 2 - Beta 1: 198!! Dec 4 - Beta 2: 660!!
Dec 15 - 1st U/S - We're having twins!!!
Dec 23 - 2nd U/S - Surprise it's triplets!!!
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  #6  
January 19th, 2009, 11:41 AM
Angel_Maker
Guest
Posts: n/a
s SUCK and its totally natural for you to be scared about your options "running out"....I was excited to do IVF because I was "SO SURE" it would work....Well, it didn't, so now I'm kinda like, "Now What?"...

But where there's a will, there's a way....You WILL have a baby, no matter what

My FET is in a little over 2 months, and of course I'm hopeful that it will result in a , but if not, we will try "something else" and just keep on praying

GOOD LUCK hunnie! And don't worry about being "cranky"...that's why we're here
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  #7  
January 19th, 2009, 11:45 AM
richmond_girl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry. Don't apologize for being sad! We all know what you're going through, and you have to grieve this cycle just like every other cycle that ends in heartbreak. I know what you mean about approaching the land of zero options. When we found out about DH's MFI in October, we also learned that IVF would be our one-and-only-shot at getting pregnant. We never even got to go through the journey of Clomid, injectables, IUI, etc to help us slowly acclimate to our infertility situation. We were perfectly healthy one day; the next day we were a statistic. We were TTC naturally one day, the next day we were planning for IVF. I couldn't believe that in less than 24 hours, I went from believing we would get pregnant on our own to finding out that we had only one very expensive, very scary option to make our dreams of a family come true. I cried for days, weeks... boy did I cry. I still do, even 3 months later. The reality of the situation doesn't hurt any less with time... it just becomes a bit more bearable.

to you.
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  #8  
January 19th, 2009, 03:03 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Illinois soon Texas
Posts: 526
Oh Amanda I am so sorry...I wish I could do or say something to make it all better. Please know that I will be thinking of you today.

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1/26/09-2 Beaufitul Embies Transfered!!
2/5/09-BETA, POSTIVE, 250 @ 10dpt!!
2/18/09-1st U/S, we are expecting Twins!!

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  #9  
January 19th, 2009, 07:56 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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I'm sorry to hear that you got bad news today, girl. It stinks, and I know that all of our hugs can't make you pregnant, but I'm sending you lots of hugs anyway!!
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IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #10  
January 19th, 2009, 08:53 PM
Bakin8th's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 3,734
I am so sorry.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
~IRENE~ MOM TO 8 KIDDOES! DS 18, DD 16, DD 14, DD 8, DS 6, DD 4, DS 3 and DS 1

Ttcing #9 After TWO 2nd trimester loss's and FIVE 1st trimester loss's. Missing our 8 ANGEL'S

IUI W/CLOMID/TRIGGER FEB 12/13 09!

Kyle (absent) Chelsea, Miki, Hanna, Johna, Sari, Jessiah and Isaiah.



THE LORD GIVES AND TAKES AWAY MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY BLESSED BE HIS WONDERFUL NAME!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our 8 Greatly missed Angels
12W, 6W, 6W, 9W 1 twin, 5W
17W twins (sex unkown) and "Elijah"
17W "Angel"
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  #11  
January 20th, 2009, 05:40 AM
Aidan's Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2006
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I'm so sorry for your BFN, they just suck. For me, things did get "easier", although in hindsight I don't think they were easier on me, I just built up a better defense mechanism to cope. You have every right to feel the way you do right now and is all part of the crappiness of TTC w/meds. It's not fair and completely out of our control and that makes it that much harder.

I will offer one little piece of advice that really helped me. All through my IVF cycles I only ever focused on the very next step. I just didn't allow myself to think of the what ifs and hat nots down the road. For one, it was extremely overwhelming and for two, thinking about reaching the point of "no more options" is so scary and can really drag your mood down and I think whatever it takes to stay as positive as possible through the whole thing makes a big difference.

So for sure be upset and cry about this BFN, it helps to release all the emotion. But don't let yourself dwell and pick yourself back up and find out what your next step is and set that as a goal, then when that one is done, you do the same to the next, etc...

Good luck to you!!
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  #12  
January 20th, 2009, 02:12 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 6,083
Thanks for helping to cheer me up ladies, I really really appreciate it I am feeling better today-still kind of sad-but I feel like I have regrouped (more or less). Today was sort of hard because a woman I work with is pregnant and came into my office to talk about work but we ended up talking about the baby. This woman really popped recently so she's got the cutest little belly. Anyway-it was sort of tough to hear about it after my meltdown yesterday, but life goes on...

Now I just need af to get here so I can move on. I'm looking forward to a fresh start on a new cycle but am trying to remain cautious. I think that because I got pregnant on my first round of Clomid, I just assumed it would happen again. I think that made yesterday's BFN that much harder. I'm working on trying to let this all go and trying to believe that it will happen in its own time...

Thanks again girls-you all really helped me yesterday...
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Alexandra Eva is here! Born 1/17/10 at 5:55pm. Weighing in at 6lbs, 8oz and 20 Inches Long!
Secondary Infertility Blog*~*http://onemunchkin.blogspot.com/ *~*

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  #13  
January 20th, 2009, 04:27 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 7,787
I'm so sorry, hon.
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  #14  
January 20th, 2009, 05:00 PM
richmond_girl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 4,792
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Quote:
Thanks again girls-you all really helped me yesterday...[/b]
Anytime! That's what we're here for.
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  #15  
January 20th, 2009, 07:34 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
Just wanted to send you some of my excess AF dust... she's here in full force for me and I'd be happy to share if you need her!

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  #16  
January 20th, 2009, 08:29 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I am sorry about the BFN

I just wanted to tell you.... keep strong it WILL happen. You WILL get pregnant and you WILL have a child of your own. Never give up hope. It took us 7 years of TTC, three losses, and injectables with IUI to get where we are today...and it was soooooo worth it. A great book to read if you need a good loaugh at all the TTC stuff is "A Few Good Eggs". I swear that book saved my sanity

I actually found injectable kinda fun in a way. At least I was finally *doing* something. If that makes sense.

I hope next cycle is it for you and you can finally hold a little one in your arms soon.

AF to you..... stay strong.... you CAN do this
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Bobbie mom to : Jeremy (22) Amanda (19) Matthew ( 4) and Daniel (3).... RYAN DAVID 1/4/14 8lbs 10oz 20 3/4 inches!!! My miracle happened!
step-mom to: Stephany (23) and Krista (20)
step-grandma to: Wesley (3), Rosemarie (7 months)



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon. He was our 7th loss
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. She was our 8th loss Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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