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  #1  
January 29th, 2009, 05:55 AM
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I was just thinking last night after I got a call from one of my very good friends that she had just delivered her baby girl , that while it's tough to be going through all of this when there are babies being born all around me, (literaly 3 babies born to some of my best friends in the last 7 days!!!!) BUT I'm so thankful that these wonderful people who deserve to be mothers don't have to go through the pain and heartache that comes with TTCMA. KWIM???

I mean I totally get peeved when I hear about the people who don't even want children or have way more than they can afford and are scrapping by on welfare BUT when it comes to the women in our lives that we truly care about... I'm just so happy they don't have to suffer with me.

Maybe 18 months isn't long enough of TTC for me to get angry at the people I love for having children so easily. Do you guys ever get mad when your best friends or relatives are having kids? I'm just wondering if I should prepare myself, maybe things will get harder for me....
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  #2  
January 29th, 2009, 06:05 AM
babybatax2's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was soo upset when I found out my 21 year old, unwed, unstable cousin was pregnant. Basically my aunt will end up being the sole caregiver. I found out the day before Thanksgiving, through email and I hit the roof! She is extremely immature and ughhh I can't stand it! I am putting up a front with them telling them I am happy, but really every day I think about it, it makes me furious!
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  #3  
January 29th, 2009, 08:37 AM
tracyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think your atttude about this is perfect. I recently found out my best friend was pregnant. She wasn't trying very long and at first it came as a shock to me. But the more I thought about it, I realized she is so lucky! I love her so much and I would NEVER want her to feel the pain that I have felt this last year. When someone close to me is pregnant, I am never angry with them, just sad for me!! I want to be an amazing "auntie" to her baby and I NEVER want to feel any resentment.

I am on my road to having a baby and in a few weeks I could be PREGNANT! I need to concentrate on me and not worry about everyone else!

As far as preparing yourself, I think you have! Just worry about you and your TTC plan of attack! Things will work out, they always do!
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  #4  
January 29th, 2009, 09:42 AM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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It may sound self-centered but honestly....I am VERY happy for those that are close to me when they get pg easily and I will celebrate with them UNTIL the one's who KNOW how I struggle RUB IT IN MY FACE. Then I just want to remove myself from them and not have anything to do with it. My cases in point.....my best friend just had her baby a few weeks ago. Throughout her ENTIRE pregnancy she TOTALLY included me and made me feel a PART of it....asking for my advice and suggestions....inviting me to appts.....etc and all the while saying things like "I can't wait until your baby comes to play with my baby!" and "And let's get TWO of these outfits so our babies can match!". She is TOTALLY supportive and understanding of my feelings and will say REPEATEDLY "Just tell me if you feel like I am being insensitive or rubbing things in your face because I never want to be a contributer to the pain you are in right now." So, throughout her whole pregnancy and birth (I was in the room with her!) and now with her new baby....I have never felt resentment or hurt by her having what I long for.

In STARK CONTRAST.....my SIL found out she was pg a few months ago. She was also never supposed to be able to get pg on her own so up until that day we shared the struggle of infertility and cried on each others shoulders, etc. She was one of my best friends. She was NTNP because she didnt even think she COULD get pg and low and behold...SURPRISE!!! Well, it was ME that she called the day she started having suspicions....ME she called when the first test showed positive....ME that bought her another test and she came to MY work to take it with me there holding her hand. When it was pos too I screamed with her and hugged her and jumped up and down with excitement. And that's where it stopped. She was SO SCARED of miscarrying and sent me a barrage of texts daily for the first week or so or which I was extremely supportive and responsive. Then she went for her first U/S and saw the heartbeat and I DISAPPEARED! She forgot I exsist. She NEVER tells me when Dr. appts are.....or how they went.....how she is feeling. She NEVER asks how my Dr. appts go (she knows I go for girly stuff but doesnt know its for actively TTC....she thinks we are NTNP)....NOTHING. Instead, she resurfaces about once every 2-3 weeks to send a random text out of the blue like "Have you checked out my babygaga thing on MySpace lately????" "We picked a nursery color!!" Etc. So because of how SHE handles it......I don't want anything to do with it.

I don't know....maybe I am sounding like a self-centered brat.....but it's just how I feel. Love me or leave me!! LOL!! :biggrin:
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  #5  
January 29th, 2009, 11:10 AM
~Ivy~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I had tons of friends get preggo and have babies when DH and I were doing fertility treatments several years ago. They didn't bother me. Yeah, there was a hint of jealousy, but that's it. No. It was my 15 year old student getting knocked up with baby number TWO that sent me over the edge.....
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  #6  
January 29th, 2009, 11:33 AM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I had tons of friends get preggo and have babies when DH and I were doing fertility treatments several years ago. They didn't bother me. Yeah, there was a hint of jealousy, but that's it. No. It was my 15 year old student getting knocked up with baby number TWO that sent me over the edge.....[/b]

OMG! It would've me too! Holy cow!

When I worked in labor and delivery, one time we had a girl come in in labor that was ELEVEN YEARS OLD!!!!! She was 39 weeks pregnant and from out of town....her parents had here on vacation!!! Well, needless to say she was WAY too tiny to deliver vaginally so we had to prep her for a C-Section. The whole time we were prepping her she was crying and crying and I said "It's ok sweetie.....I know it's scary.....we will take really good care of you and keep you safe and healthy." Her response......."I'm not scared of the surgery! I just know that having surgery instead of having the baby the normal way will make me not be able to ride my bike for longer!!!" Can you BELEIVE IT?!?!?!?! It was SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!
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  #7  
January 29th, 2009, 12:24 PM
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I wouldn't say I get angry...I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. I'm always glad when other women are able to have the families that they want without going through the infertility roller coaster. I feel sad, inadequate, and jealous...even when I try not to.

I just get frustrated with the complete and total unfairness of infertility. Why do some women who drink and smoke and do drugs and don't have a clue about prenatal care get pregnant, while I can't? I bought books a YEAR before we started TTC so I would be able to do everything possible to conceive and give birth to a healthy baby...and here we are with no child in sight. Why do people that don't even want kids get pregnant? Why do people that can't afford kids get pregnant? It just isn't fair.

The only time I get angry is when I think about people like Casey Anthony or other parents who murder/abuse/neglect their children. I can't possibly understand why people like that are allowed to reproduce. It turns my stomach and makes me MAD!
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  #8  
January 29th, 2009, 02:47 PM
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Honestly...I do get angry. I rage against the world when I have to in order to move on. But, I'm not angry that my friends/family were able to get pregnant easily. I'm sad for me, but am so happy that they can hold their little ones in a matter of a few months.

But, I do get angry. Having someone close to me that's pregnant brings up all sorts of "Why me" or "I suck" feelings. I rage at how unfair life is and that I have no control over anything.

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  #9  
January 29th, 2009, 03:40 PM
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The only time I got pissed off is when an ex friend who is a drug addict got pregnant and didnt miscarry. That would have pissed me of whether I was TTC or not though. Certain people shouldnt have babies.
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  #10  
January 29th, 2009, 06:23 PM
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I don't get angry - just jealous and sad. I do feel like I'm sincerely happy for my friends when they get pregnant, but part of me does hurt inside.
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  #11  
January 29th, 2009, 06:54 PM
~April04~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I don't get angry - just jealous and sad. I do feel like I'm sincerely happy for my friends when they get pregnant, but part of me does hurt inside.[/b]
exactly how I feel.
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  #12  
January 29th, 2009, 09:26 PM
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Thanks ladies! I think it's hard also for some of my close friends that know my TTC struggle to tell me that they are pregnant. They feel guilty that it didn't take them long and I'm still trying and getting help. But I think that you're right, I'm not ever angry at them but more sad for myself and have a fleeting moment of the "Why me" stuff... then it's all about buying baby stuff for them!

And I totally agree... there are just some people who shouldn't be parents, and those people I am openly angry about.
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  #13  
January 30th, 2009, 01:05 AM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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Im like you, if they are women in my life I don't get angry. I get mad over teenagers or women who smoke and drink or neglect, that just pisses me off. At one time all of my friends either just had a baby or were about to. Then one (tried once for the first) had an unplanned #2 come 1 1/2 years after the first.
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  #14  
January 30th, 2009, 07:26 AM
JCT2005's Avatar Teddy's Mom
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I'll admit I got jealous when I found my SIL was pregnant with her 3rd and my friend, who had her tubes tied and still got pregnant with her 4th. My friend as much as I care about her clearly didn't want another kid and yet here I want another one and my body doesn't want to work right! As for my SIL I feel they didn't need another kid since during tax time she and my brother work 4 jobs and guess who watches their daughters, my mother. So that means next year my mother will have at least 3 children to watch for a good part of the day. Sometimes 4 if Teddy has to go over too (which doesn't happen too often. I work mornings and Corey works nights so usually the schedules don't conflict). I'm very close to my mom and feel my brother takes advantage of her always being there and willing to watch his kids.

What makes me angry when you hear stories of people who just throw their babies away or terribly abuse them when all I want is for my son to have a sibling. I know life isn't fair but those children deserve better than the people who don't need or deserve to have kids.
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  #15  
January 30th, 2009, 11:03 AM
HippyMomOf4's Avatar Hippy Mom Extraordinaire
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I get upset at some of my friends we arn't trying this month because i just had a D&C but this is cycle 14 for us and 3 losses in our 14 cycles of trying. I have friends that just get drunk and knocked up by random guys and have to have DNA test just to figure out who there kids father is. It really makes me sick to know that these women get pregnant so easy and don't even deserve children. They really take things for granted!
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