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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
February 5th, 2009, 03:23 PM
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I don't even know how to describe how I am feeling. I'm so down and depressed and just fed up with everything. I went in after seeing the on-call DR last week about all the cramping and pain that I have been in and talked with my regular DR (OB). She basically said that even if they were to investigate further with surgery that they may not find anything or that if they find something like endo that they wouldn't start treatment for endo until after I get PG. Whatever, I don't want a surgery that won't do any good anyway... but I really could use some answers and a more emotionally connected DR. She went on to say that, "Most women who are going through infertility over analyze their bodies and every little thing becomes this HUGE deal when really it's just what NORMAL women go through everyday with NORMAL cycles..." and then she adds "You're body isn't used to having a cycle so the fact that it's getting used to this and responding well to clomid is great. The extra hormones are probably just causing some GI upset and that's what the cramping is from" AND "I should feel blessed that I haven't experienced a true cycle until now... just think of how much pain a REGULAR women goes through each month..." So I guess what she's saying is living in pain everyday of my life makes me lucky! And then to top it all off at the end of our meeting when I succumbed to the fact that I'm not going to be doing anything different, that they are convinced we are on the right track it's just going to take some extra time she adds.... (and this one just pushed me over the edge!)... "You're Young!!!! You have your youth!!! You don't need to be in such a rush!" I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME I'M YOUNG... I HAVE TIME!!!! I want to enjoy my youth... with my children... and start a family NOW!!!!! That's why I"m going through all of this! ARG

I just don't know what to do. I don't know if finding another DR will be worth it. I do like the nurses in this program it's pretty much just the DR who I don't actually even talk to all that often that is just so impersonal and sometimes just flat out rude with her comments. I don't know if an RE would even be having us do something different. Maybe I am being impatient... maybe I am crazy and I'm making myself have all these cramps and pains when really it's "nothing". I am just so done with it all and emotionally drained and I just want to curl up and cry....

Sorry for my long rant... thanks for reading if you made it this far.
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  #2  
February 5th, 2009, 03:38 PM
tracyanne's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh Kari! I am sorry you're feeling so down. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better! ((HUGS))

I feel like doctors see the same thing day after day that they forget that YOU'RE the one going through this and may need something extra. I wonder of meeting with RE you would get some answers. I felt like that was the case with us.
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  #3  
February 5th, 2009, 03:53 PM
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Oh, Kari - I know you like your nurses but it might be worth it to find a new doctor. TTC is such an emotional journey as is, you really need someone who's going to LISTEN to you and be supportive, not someone who makes you feel guilty/sad/depressed! I don't like how your doctor undermined your feelings and gave you that crock of sh*t (pardon my potty mouth, it's been a hard week) about being young. That's not her place to judge; her job is to listen objectively and give you sound medical advice. Go with your gut, if your body is telling you something's not normal, you need to find someone who will take you seriously.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
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  #4  
February 5th, 2009, 03:57 PM
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Hun, I'm so sorry I'm only 24 and have been TTC since right after my 22nd birthday! I really don't like the things that your DR. has said and I would definitely consider finding someone else. Not all DR.s are the same and you DESERVE a DR. that has your best interest in mind.
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  #5  
February 5th, 2009, 03:58 PM
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I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this stuff. I can't imagine how frustrating and scary it is! I really think that you should listen to your body. If you feel something is off, you should explore it fully-if for no other reason than to gain a piece of mind that everything is ok. I personally would start exploring other doctors. It's so important to go through this ttc journey with someone that you feel comfortable with. It's such an emotionally taxing time that you don't want to have to worry about a thoughtless doctor and what she may or may not say.

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  #6  
February 5th, 2009, 03:58 PM
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Thanks ladies I just kinda feel lost and think I definitely need to sit down and figure some stuff out.
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  #7  
February 5th, 2009, 04:10 PM
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That really sounds frustrating. I would definitely find an RE. It seems like knowing whether or not you have endo would play a huge role in your protocol, so I don't understand why she wouldn't be trying to figure that out.
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  #8  
February 5th, 2009, 04:13 PM
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I'm sorry you're going thru such a rough time. I would suggest you do find an RE. OBGYN are not trained to handle infertility issues. Just so that you know I've never had an issue with my cycle, I've always had 28 days cycles and have never experienced ongoing pain. I'm not sure what your doctor is refering to about women who have regular cycles and being in pain. Not true. I've also always heard that endo can be a cause for infertility, so your doctor telling you that if what you have is endo they wouldn't do any treatment till after you get preggo doesn't make sense to me. Finding a doctor who's understanding of what you are going thru is totally worth it. Good Luck
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  #9  
February 5th, 2009, 04:20 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was told over and over again that i was young..there was nothing wrong with me..bla bla bla. We went on to find out after 4 years that I have Occult Ovarian Failure and my husband has Male Factor. We luckily conceived our miracle baby naturally after going through every test and procedure and I still dont know how im pregnant! Bryar is such a blessing to us!!

I hated it when I got the "you're still young speech" I knew something was wrong and no one listened to me..not until I went through 2 IVF cycles and then they were like "hmm...we've got a problem here"

I strongly recommend seeing a RE. OB's are great but they seem limited in their perception of infertility..and almost always say "give it time" or they just blow you off and say "here is some clomid enjoy"

I hope you can find a doctor that will really listen to you!!
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  #10  
February 5th, 2009, 04:43 PM
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I'm sorry, Kari. It is frustrating when you put your trust in medical professionals that just don't seem to "get it." I have definitely been there.

I second what most of the other ladies have said...if your gut instinct says that there is something else going on, then you are probably right. RE's are much more experienced and trained in infertility, and usually have more access to technology and tests than OBs.

I see it this way...what do you have to lose by finding an RE? They'll either confirm what your OB said so you'll be able to know for sure, or they'll give you a better diagnosis. Go for it, girl. Go get your BFP!
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  #11  
February 5th, 2009, 04:49 PM
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I'm so so sorry... I was looking forward to hearing what your doctor said as I've been going through the same pains you've described the last few cycles... my OB gave it the typical "get the HSG done, then try one more cycle" before a consult.. I'm in that "one more cycle" now, and I have a feeling a lap is in my future, although I told him 8 months ago that endo was probable... he wanted to see if he could get me pregnant first. We see how that's worked out. I'm looking into RE's now, although depending on the level of pain this cycle (sad, isn't it?), I may go on with another Clomid cycle or two before no longer enduring it.

Sorry for ranting on myself.. I can just totally relate.
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  #12  
February 5th, 2009, 04:53 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this. I would definately consider finding another doctor, I know it's hard. And, I'm also tired of hearing, "you're young, you've got plenty of time...". Not, when I'm in my thirties and want 2 more children!!!!

You should find a doctor that is more sensitive to your needs.
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  #13  
February 5th, 2009, 05:47 PM
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I'm not understanding your doctor. Why wouldn't they treat the endo? That is the FIRST thing my RE did. I got a lap that cleared out endo! He also did it this summer so I would be clear to TTC again.

It seems like you have a doctor who has no idea what it's like to be going through this. I would also recommend that you try to find someone with more experience in the field. My doc is very very supportive. I can't imagine this.

I'm sorry hon. I hope you feel better soon.
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  #14  
February 5th, 2009, 07:01 PM
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Kari I am so sorry you are going through this No one know what an emotional struggle it is unless they go thru infertility themselves, I don't wish it upon anyone but sometimes people need to keep their mouth shot. I think your best bet would be to find a RE, they deal with infertility on daily basis and they know where we are coming from and therefore maybe are more agressive in the treatment and more understading. I just hope everything works out for you. We are here for you.
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  #15  
February 5th, 2009, 07:32 PM
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Kari--I am SO sorry you are down and that your appt was not what you were hoping for. I am so shocked at how your Dr. talked to you!! And a FEMALE Dr. at that! I hate this for you. I am with the other girls......I have a Dr. like yours as my PCP and I WAS letting him handle this infertility stuff until I got fed up with his attitude.......I would find an RE if I were you. Good luck hon. Hopefully you will wake up tomorrow feeling like it's a whole new day and have renewed energy to go after that BFP that IS in your future!!!
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  #16  
February 6th, 2009, 05:28 AM
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Thanks so much everybody! You guys are the best

DH and I talked last night and he is very motivated to go and find a new DR... and for sure an RE and not just another OB. I think I am there too, I'm just scared that the RE will say the exact same thing as my OB and then I'm just right back where I started with no answers...

I guess I have to swallow my fears and go for it. Like you said Melissa... what do I have to lose????

I have the name of a RE that is only about 40 minutes away. Do you guys think I should call myself or try to get a referral from my clinic? Would it make a difference if I got the referral or not? Just wondering how others have moved on to their RE. My guess is most of your OB's realized they couldn't help anymore and sent you on. Did anyone leave their DR on their own and find their own RE???

And..... thanks again ladies!
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  #17  
February 6th, 2009, 06:59 AM
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I would guess it depends on your ins.??? Some won't pay if you don't have a referral. But like in my situation....my ins. wouldn't cover ANYTHING from an RE so I would just call on my own because my ins. doesn't even come in to play. Sorry I'm not more help! Hopefully the other girls will have better answers for you. Good luck! And I really do think y'all are making the right decision.
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  #18  
February 6th, 2009, 07:31 AM
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I was treated by my OB for almost a year before I switched to a RE. I loved my doctor and felt she was doing everything she knew to do, but I also knew she wasn't an expert in the field of infertility and I would get better treatment from someone that was an expert and dealt with it everyday. I did ask for a referral and she was really nice about it and understood. But, the only reason I asked for a referral is because my insurance won't cover any specialist unless I have a referral, but also my insurance doesn't cover infertility, so I really didn't need one, but I got it just incase they surprisingly covered something.

Also, when you change to a RE, they deal with infertility all day long, so you won't only get infertility treatment, but you will also get the emotional support from the doctors and nurses that you need and deserve through this challenging time. Good luck on finding a great doctor!
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  #19  
February 6th, 2009, 07:54 PM
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I will be calling my insurance on Monday morning to find out about getting a referral if need be and what kind of coverage they have for a specialist.

Thanks ladies... I couldn't do this without you!!!
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  #20  
February 6th, 2009, 07:59 PM
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Quote:
I will be calling my insurance on Monday morning to find out about getting a referral if need be and what kind of coverage they have for a specialist.

Thanks ladies... I couldn't do this without you!!! [/b]
Kari - depending upon what kind of insurance you have you may need to get the referral from your PCP and not your OBGYN. I was very confused by this when we were going through the whole insurance / pre-authorization process. Luckily DH works for the insurance company and got it all figured out If you happen to have Anthem, Wellpoint, or BCBS insurance, feel free to PM me - that's who he works for.
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