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In your real life are most of your family and friends supportive?


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
December 2nd, 2009, 05:59 PM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Michigan
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Or do you get more support from your online friends?

I won't say that my family and friends aren't supportive but I can't talk to them like I do you. Most of them didn't even know what IVF was and my dad gave me the whole relaxing talk.

I really feel like my online friends understand the most. I am so grateful for this board. It took me a while to come to terms with my situation and I think that is why I hesitated for so long about joining here. But you guys have been the absolute best.
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  #2  
December 2nd, 2009, 06:06 PM
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*MY* family is absolutely supportive

My ILs SUCK!!! They are totally disconnected and don't even act phased by the loss of their THREE grandchildren!! They make me

I have a few close friends that TRY really hard to be supportive, and I cannot and will not fault them for not knowing what to say.....

DH's friends are just ignorant, so we won't go there....

I'm glad you joined here!! I love having you around
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  #3  
December 2nd, 2009, 06:23 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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The few I have told are supportive, but no one ever calls to see how I am doing, they just get this dish when I call them. My mom isn't right now but she is catholic and its against the religion. And she is worried I will have embrios destroyed if we don't use them. My dad knows we are trying but thats about it, I don't want to go into it with him. And because we just moved, I don't have ANY local friends. So I mean who I have is mostly supportive, my sister the most, but I rely on my online friendships for most my support.
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  #4  
December 2nd, 2009, 08:45 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Everyone in my life was supportive of the whole process, but they didn't really understand it like you all. Particularly because we were doing fertility treatments almost immediately (I have an awesome doctor who figured out I was annovulatory after only 3 cycles), so my friends really didn't quite get it. They think of fertility treatments as a "last resort" and seemed to think we were being a bit hasty, and just didn't understand that my body needed help. Nobody here has that problem. Which is why I still hang out here sometimes
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  #5  
December 2nd, 2009, 09:41 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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DH's family thinks we need to "just relax" and "trust in God to give you your baby when HIS time is right". They don't think we should be putting all this money into MA.

My family thinks I should just be happy with the two kids that I already have. They don't think that I should have any more, even though DH doesn't have any kids of his own. They don't think we need to have a child together.

As far as friends.... most of them are younger than us and haven't even thought about starting a family yet or else they have started their family, but they weren't even trying! No one IRL understands what we are dealing with or how to be supportive at all.

There is NO WAY I could have gotten this far without the girls on JM.
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  #6  
December 2nd, 2009, 10:17 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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I always tell my mom she has no idea. She had 5 kids and only one was planned, so I don't need her telling me her opinion. This is our choice, if you want to be apart of it, then you shut your comments in and be supportive. Today I think it finally hit her. But i do tell her everything. My sister is also struggling to get pregnant, so i know she understands. But we are about 2 years ahead of her with ttc, so I think I might be scaring her a little.

I haven't met anyone in person yet that has any issues, and I was surrounde by fertile friends while I lived in Vegas. Now I just want a friend, even if they are fertile.
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2009, 03:07 AM
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all of DH's friends who know are very supportive. I don't feel as comfortable as him talking about it, so really only 2 of my friends know. One is very supportive unfortunately she lives in another state. The one here that knows, she kinda acts like she doesn't want to hear about it. Some of the comments she makes, I can't tell if she is being sarcastic or she just really doesn't know what to say.

My in laws know about the m/c and were pretty sad. They don't know we are doing fertility treatments. SIL sort of does but doesn't talk about, but she is young and still in college.

My parents have no clue we are even ttc. When the m/c happened my mom was going through a really tough time, my grandma had just passed, she was loosing her house. I didn't feel the need to make her more sad.

Most of my support comes from DH and online.
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2009, 05:11 AM
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The friends that know are supportive and are frequently asking what's going on in my cycle, what are we doing now, what's the next MA step, etc.

I've gotten some odd comments though, mostly from family members like cousins and such, and cannot figure out if it's me being overly sensitive or them being INsensitive or both!

For example, someone said "if it's meant to be, it will be."

I appreciate the sentiment behind that statement but for me, going through all this, I don't WANT to consider the possibility that it's not "meant to be" for me and DH to have a child together.

Someone else not too long ago found out we were trying---and didn't even hear all the MA details---and exclaimed "but you already HAVE two kids!"

THAT is what gets me the most. First of all, I do not have two children. I have a daughter and a stepson. My relationship with my SS is maybe like an aunt/nephew one. Don't get me wrong, he is a GREAT kid and lots of fun. BUT I know what being a MOMMY is. SS HAS a mom. It would be different if his mom weren't in the picture, but she is, and she does all the "mom" stuff with him.

So...that kind of annoys me when people say that.

I had DD when I was 21 and in college and haven't spoken to her "dad" in YEARS. My DH has been her dad since she was 2!

There is just this longing, aching part of me that wants to have a child with my husband in a marriage! DD is a huge blessing and I wouldn't change anything but that doesn't change the fact that my preg. w/her was a surprise and not "well-timed." There was a lot of stress involved and I just so long for the pg experience again in a better way. It's hard to explain. Secondary infertility just sucks! It makes me feel like an ungrateful b*tch at times because, yes, I do have a child...but I just want more.

That is the thing that people don't seem to understand. Oh and, also, people have said "your kids are almost 8, why would you want to start over?" That makes me mad, too! DH and I waited a long time--obviously, I was young when DD was born, then I finished college, taught for a few yrs, etc. DH and I dated, then got married...then waited a bit more for DH to develop his business, etc. We wanted the timing to be perfect! And now we are READY!!!! Oh well that our kids are 7.5! I am only 29 and DH is 33. It's not like we're 50!
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2009, 05:45 AM
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My friends and family are as supportive as they can be. But until you go through it, you have NO idea what it is like. They want to understand and be there for me in the good and bad times, but I am the one thinking about it all day every day.

There is something about the ladies in ttcma that is very comforting to me. I deal with things better when I know that I am not alone in my journey. I can't tell you how many responses to questions/situations that I have read (from others) where I could have sworn the response was typed by me! It is identical with my feelings!

Thank you ladies! I love ya!
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  #10  
December 3rd, 2009, 06:24 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Location: CO
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Oh, Lord, NO! My family (all) are clueless. I threw out there that we were trying with MA to my MIL and she seemed pretty clueless and said we should just relax and save money. my PCP said the same thing, imagine hearing that from a doc! I haven't told anyone else.

I belong to a MOPS group (mothers of pre-schoolers) and they have a prayer group, so I put in a request with them to keep us in their prayers, and they are GREAT about keeping it confidential but also checking with us. Understandably, some gals don't understand it, but they are VERY sympathetic and others have BTDT, so they get it. I just don't talk to them.

So, I have you gals Without you all, I'd be depressed and completely overwhelmed and scared.
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  #11  
December 3rd, 2009, 07:14 AM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't get a lot of support on the homefront, which is why I sought out JM in the first place.
Everyone thought I was too young. They discouraged me from trying at all. We started trying when I was 21 and Dh was 28.
When I got pregnant and miscarried I got the "It's not like you're the only one to ever miscarry" talk. They thought I was rushing into things and worrying too much.
It's been 6 months since then, and now I'm getting more support. It's like people are feeling bad now, that it's been a while and i'm still not pregnant. It's like people think "Oh... maybe she was right after all." My mom has come around. Especially now that she's moving away. Lots of "What if you need me while you're pregnant?"

The bulk of my support is from the ladies of JM. You guys just understand better than everyone. I think you just don't understand infertility until you've been there. And YES, INFERTILITY CAN HIT THE YOUNG TOO. I've been here since early 2008 and it's become like home. I appreciate all you ladies. Everyone is just lovely, and so deserving of that BFP.
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  #12  
December 3rd, 2009, 07:20 AM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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ttcagain, I have to say you are the first person I really understood wher you were coming from. Secondary infertility always baffeled me, because i am just trying to get m first, and I too used to think you should be so happy with the 1/2 you already have. But I totally get it. I had a stepmom and she was amaing, but she wasn't our mom. I love her dearly though, and was always sad she never had her own. Now she is no longer with m dad, and a bit too old to have children. None the less, she is a huge part of my life, and I hope she still thinks of us as her children, she was in my life since age 2.

I totally get wanting to have a child with your husband. Ther is NOTHING wrong with that, and the age differnce, who cares. I am 6 years from my younger brother and 15 from my little sister. My sister is honestly like a best friend, we are so close its crazy.
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  #13  
December 3rd, 2009, 07:53 AM
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My family and friends try as best they can, but of course there's only so much they can do. They understand that it is stressful, financially challenging, and physically painful, but I don't think they really get how much it consumes my every waking minute. They all have families of their own, so they have never had to think about what life would be like if they were infertile.

Thank God for my JM friends I'd be locked up in a padded room somewhere without you girls
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