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Ugh.....girls, I'm really struggling with something right now and I know that *I'm* WRONG!
I know that I need to change my mindset on this issue, but I just don't know how. I don't want to tell DH because I know it will send him over the edge.
Let me explain. I have been talking to a reference from the adoption agency about her experience, and she literally got the call on a Friday afternoon that they had found "her baby", and by Tuesday they were home with their little boy.
It got me thinking about DH and I and how I am going to feel when we get "the call" I'm going to be ecstatic!! Seriously, like so excited I won't know what to do with myself. DH will be thrilled, my parents will be thrilled, our best friends will be thrilled.....everyone....except-->the ILs
I know they won't *act* as excited as I think they should. They will bring me down with their lack of enthusiasm and I know it will hurt me to the core. I know it won't be intentional, but nonetheless, it's inevitable. I KNOW how they will act.
It is because of this that I DO NOT WANT TO CALL THEM until AFTER we bring our baby home. I don't want them to RUIN my moment. Our moment. As a new family we deserve to be 100% happy and I am just so hesitant because I feel sure that the ILs will act so "blah" about it.
Please help talk me out of this funk.......I don't know what to do....
Thank you I guess it's my fault because I ALWAYS ask "Well, what did they say?" (this applies to any and everything) And their response to important things always seems so mediocre.
They always seem to rub me the wrong way about everything Baby Related. My MIL always thought it was appropriate to talk about how much she HATED being pregnant (but would turn right around and talk about how EASY getting pregnant was for her) Not to mention, they have still NOT asked me about how I am doing after my D&C!!!!!! It's been OVER a MONTH They just don't care about me at all it seems, and it HURTS because I love their son and want a family WITH HIM so desperately.....
I think you're right though. I'll let him call, and then I won't ask questions.....I'll just "make believe" that they responded the way they should
This is from Astrids website....it is one of her friends blogs, but if you go back quite a ways....they adopted the twins and she blogs about how they just "got a call also"....(I look at blogs when I'm bored)...
I think letting him call was a good idea. See my DH realizes his parents are lame and just don't make anything a happy time, so he would be more then willing to just leave them out to not ruin the moment. However, no matter their reaction, I don't think it can damper your mood when you hold your baby.
Brandi, you are not wrong AT ALL, and I think I know exactly where you are coming from.
We haven't told my MIL that we're expecting yet for this very same reason. She is incredibly self-centered and will make it all about her. I am dreading telling her at Christmas because I just know she won't be nearly as excited as anyone else, and that breaks my heart.
Whatever you decide is best for you and David, that's all that matters. After all that you have been through, you more than deserve your special moment to enjoy the beginning of your new adventure with your child. Maybe David could call while you're not even around? Then you wouldn't even have to think about it, you could just know that he has it taken care of.
Good luck, and don't feel bad for the way that you feel! You have been through a lot, and I think you have worked really hard to mend your relationship with your ILs. I don't think you have any reason at all to feel guilty about wanting your special time as a new family!
Melissa & DH
IVF babies Claire (5), Abigail (3) and George (3)
Thanks girls I know that any disappointment I might feel will definitely be short lived, but I want to avoid the situation altogether....I have enough dislike for them as it is....I'm fearful of adding to "the list"
good plan, Brandi! Just remember, this is your child, and if they don't want to be grandparents, well, it'll be their loss. So many people are in great support of you, that you will be able to have many blissful moments!
So, now I am curious, how long did it take your reference to get that call from the moment they started all the paperwork? In other words: how long do you think it'll be before you have your sweet little one in your arms?
__________________ Gwynne, celebrating the newest of our four precious miracles Hat's off to Vicki for my cute siggy, thank you!
Gwynne, the reference signed with the agency in January 2009, they received "the call" on a Friday afternoon in Mid October and brought their baby home on Tuesday of the following week. (the baby was only 4 1/2 months old)
They adopted a full caucasian baby, so their wait was almost exactly nine months. We're anticipating being matched before that time
I feel confident in saying that we WILL have a baby by this time next year
I don't think you are wrong at all. My MIL will probably not get a call when I get pregnant. She will most likely get a card in the mail. This way I don't have to hear her comments.
I think the advise the other ladies gave on letting your dh break the news is a good idea. You should be happy during this time and if she will ruin that moment for you, I would just not even worry about it. It is okay to think about yourself first, ya know.
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i absolutely do not think you are wrong! I am the same way..my mil kept asking when we were gonna try..(she has a big mouth so we didnt tell her) Well with all tis if stuff going on..somewhere along the way she found out..now that she knows we need ivf..her and her daughter are constantly texting saying i said i was pregnant on fb or myspace! DH finally said..if she is pregnant you will know!! ILs can be soo insensitive sometimes..like the other girls said..just tell the people who will be happy for you! then maybe later you can tell others..or even tell them all..but dont let them ruin your happiness! I will be ecstatic for you when you get that call! HUGS!