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Sharing a name with my sister?


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  #1  
December 11th, 2009, 06:07 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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I hope you don't mind me asking this here...I trust you girls and know you'll have some great advice.

My sister, who already has a little girl, is due at the end of June, and I'm due at the end of July/beginning of August. I have always wanted to use my Mom's name (Katherine) for a girl and call her Kate. Today, my sister calls and asks if it is okay if they use Katherine for a middle name. What do I say? I don't want to be selfish, but she's already asked to use our Dad's name, so isn't it fair that I get our Mom's?

Thoughts?
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  #2  
December 11th, 2009, 06:12 PM
Angel_Maker
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You could both use it I think

My half sister has a son whose middle name is Aaron (he was born two days after my dad's massive stroke which ended up ultimately killing him) Aaron was my dad's middle name and DH and I plan on naming our son Aaron. Maybe one of you could use it as a middle and the other use it as a first?

I don't think it's selfish on the part of either of you. It's totally normal to want to name your kids after your parents..........(and normal if you don't want to)
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  #3  
December 11th, 2009, 07:22 PM
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Hmm... I would just be honest with her and see what she says. Tell her your plans, if you haven't already, to use it as a first name. Maybe once she knows that, she'll back down.

If not, I think it would be completely appropriate for you to both use the name, if you don't mind sharing. It will be a cute way that the cousins are connected!
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  #4  
December 11th, 2009, 07:30 PM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with both Brandie and Kari.
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  #5  
December 11th, 2009, 07:37 PM
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I didn't explain things very well...she knows we want to use it as a first name. We agreed years ago that she'd use Dad's name (her's FIL's name and our Dad's name is the same, so it worked well), and I'd use Mom's.
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  #6  
December 11th, 2009, 07:44 PM
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Hmmm... then I think that she should respect your predetermined agreement. I don't know though, that's tough. I guess if you don't mind, I'd tell her go for it. But you have every right to want to "claim it" as your own.

Just my opinion.
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  #7  
December 11th, 2009, 07:49 PM
suziequep's Avatar Super Mommy
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I would just be honest with her and see what she says. Unfortunately, you can't do anything about it if she does use the name as a middle name. It sounds like you're pretty upset about her using the name in any fashion, which is understandable - if you've been holding onto the name especially for your little girl.
Obviously, there's no law that says you can't both use the name, and you both want to use it for sentimental reasons. The best you can hope for is that you tell that it, (I guess for lack of a better word) seems to minimalize the birth of your daughter if she has already used the name for her daughter. (If that's how you feel about it - otherwise, just tell her what's really bothering you about it.)

Either way, it's a beautiful name (my sister's as well ).
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  #8  
December 11th, 2009, 08:54 PM
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Ohhh this is a tricky one.. Being that since I was a little girl I always said when i have a daughter its going to be Donna Francesca (my mom and me) So, i can relate to this..

1. you made an agreement and she should stick with it just tell her that you want the name and that you guys agreed be honest..

2. heres the downfall.. my friends mother loved the name anthony but her brother wanted the name for his son.. he had all girls.. so no one used the name.. What if you have all boys?


Tough situation.. But worse case is no one uses the name that really isnt a big deal.. so I would talk to her and tell her how u feel it can't hurt.. it will hurt more if they use it right?
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  #9  
December 12th, 2009, 04:59 AM
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Get a gender U/S as soon as possible and if it's a girl start calling her Katherine I think that will seal the deal right there
You've been through enough and you deserve to name your baby whatever you dang well please!! If sharing the name in some fashion is not going to work, and you've already expressed your desire to use that name, then it's yours
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  #10  
December 12th, 2009, 06:01 AM
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Fingers crossed your sis has a boy!

I'm sorry...I would be annoyed, too. I agree with Brandi, start referring to your baby as Katherine AS SOON as you find out the sex.
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  #11  
December 12th, 2009, 07:19 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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This is a tough one, Melissa, but the "business" in me says kindly remind her of your agreement and the fact you really want to use the name as agreed, and you passed up your dad's name for her. I'm sure she'll understand. MN's are important but usually people have sound second choices for mn's.

It sounds like you and your sister have good communication between you. I'm sure she'll understand, so be honest and gentle with the approach. After all, she did ask, basically, for your opinion, so she does care about what you think and your ideas. Can you help her think of a good substitute? Maybe another family name that has great meaning but would be a good mn for her little gal?

I'd say address it sooner than your u/s. I am sure she'll understand how important it is to you! (there are many variations of Katherine, so maybe that could work for her as a mn too?)

And then, yep, pray she has a boy and you have a girl! That would end it without ache at all.
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  #12  
December 12th, 2009, 07:21 AM
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If it's the middle name I think it's fine!
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  #13  
December 12th, 2009, 07:32 AM
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Hmmmm....I also hope she'd respect the fact that you decided on that agreement years ago. If not, I think it's kind of insensitive. If I were you, I would plan to use it anyway-especially because you may end up disappointed if you do not. Also, once she knows that you are very determined to use the name-despite her plans-she may back down herself. But I would use it, despite what she decides.

I had a similar thing happen with our name. My cousin had a baby two years ago and named her Alexa. I told her up front that I most definitely planned to use Alexandra as a first name if I had a girl. I wanted her to realize that my heart had been set on that name for awhile, so she wouldn't be upset when the time came. So-Alexandra she is...and I know that I would be disappointed if I chose any other name. It hasn't been an issue because I think she had been expecting it. It may have been easier though, because the names are slightly different....
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  #14  
December 12th, 2009, 07:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suziequep View Post
seems to minimalize the birth of your daughter if she has already used the name for her daughter.
This is exactly what bothers me about it. I already feel like I'm going to say "me too" this whole pregnancy since she's a month ahead. I know she doesn't mean to steal my thunder or anything, but I feel like I should have something that I don't have to share.

I also like the idea of settling this now and not waiting until the gender u/s (probably early March for me). We get along exceptionally well, and I know that if I say I would rather her not use it, she'll be totally fine with that. I'll just find a time when we're home for Christmas and we'll work it out.

And Gwynne - the idea of suggesting a substitute is a great idea. I'll have to break out my baby name books and find something that she'll like. Thanks!
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  #15  
December 12th, 2009, 08:18 AM
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I don't I guess beause its your sister its ok for you to say something to her, but I also think that because its just the middle name, I wouldn't have an issue with it. My Aunt had wanted Anna for a girls name as long as anyone remembered bu when she had two boys and my mom was pregnant, she was ok with my mom using it. Well I now have Anna for a sister, and Erin for a little cousin. It will all be resolved, but I don't think its the end of the world if its the middle name. If you find out you are having a little girl, maybe you can share with everyone her name, so its not like you were second to use it.
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  #16  
December 12th, 2009, 09:03 AM
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I'm 10 years older than my little cousin (a boy) and we share a name. Our dad's are brothers and both wanted to name their first born after their grandfathers. I'm Nicole P(first initial of my middle name) and he's P Nicholas.

As for first names, my BFF has know I've wanted Ryan for a girl since we were 12. When they were adopting last time her DH really wanted to name their son Ryan. She told him NO because she knew I wanted to use it. Once she explained it to her DH he was fine and picked a diffrent name. She always wanted to name her daughter Zoey, but her cousin used it so she knew how it felt.
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  #17  
December 12th, 2009, 10:15 AM
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Yeah, I wanted to add...

DH's ex (my stepson's mom) stole our name! When we first started TTC, we were settled on the name Bella Grace. We loved it! My stepson's mom was pregnant at the time and she said something about names to DH at one of SS's soccer games. And my BIGMOUTH DH says "oh, when we have a girl, we are going to name her Bella." And she says "oooh, that is really pretty."

Well whaddya know, fast forward 3 months and her baby GIRL is born and what do you think her name is? BELLA.

I was SO MAD!!!! That totally took it out of the running for us because my poor stepson could not have two sisters with the same name!

I'm fine with it now b/c then we thought about Lila and we love it. But we are guarding that name with our life! We don't tell ANYONE that name!
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  #18  
December 12th, 2009, 10:26 AM
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^^ Personally, I think Lila is a MUCH prettier name So I think it worked out for the best for you guys and Bella is a HUGELY popular name now... FX that you get your little Lila soon!
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  #19  
December 12th, 2009, 11:23 AM
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I'm glad that you and your sis have a relationship that you can talk to her about it, and that there shouldn't be any hurt feelings...We had a 'problem' like that when i was pregnant with dd, not a family member but someone at church...we decided on Ryann Olivia and thats what we were calling her b4 she was born, one month before her due date a girl at church named her daughter Ava Ryan...I was a lil mad b/c it's not that commona name for a girl, so for people who didn't know that we picked the name first it looks like we copied!
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