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I just got dumped!


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
December 22nd, 2009, 08:49 AM
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So I just had my phone consult with my RE about my last cycle. It went horribly. He basically said that he thinks I don't trust him and that he won't stand for me "questioning his protocols" or "undermining his authority as an expert in this field" any longer. I was floored. I know that I ask A LOT of questions and I'm the first one to admit that I might suggest a different protocol or ask about trying something new, but I never once went against what he said I should do. I just wanted to make sure that I was being my own advocate. Apparently that came back to bite me in the @ss!

He said that he will outline my last few cycles with him, all involving more clomid and IUI and then his suggestion would be IVF for past that. I told him thanks but no thanks. He made me feel like crap! I feel like I was a total 8itch... when I know that all I have ever done was make sure that I am completely understanding of what is going on and so what if that means I ask a lot of questions!

I apologized for being an inconvienence to him and his staff. I asked him to pass along an apology to the nurses there, if I had ever made them feel bad I'm sorry for that. I just don't know, aside from being a very proactive patient, what I did wrong. I litterally ended the converstaion in tears. Am I a bad person???

He plain and simply doesn't like being questioned. That's all I can figure.

I told him that Brian and I are pursing adoption and that we wouldn't be a bother to him any longer. He wished us luck and that was it.

Needless to say, when we do seek MA again, it won't be with them. I need an RE that is willing to hear me out, even if I might be misinformed... then educate me!

Maybe that's too much to ask. Sorry for the long vent...
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  #2  
December 22nd, 2009, 08:57 AM
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Kari, I am so so so sorry that your doctor treated you this way. This is a horrible way to end your relationship with your RE and I can't believe that you did ANYTHING to deserve that reaction from him. Treating infertility is a guessing game. One proto may work beautifully for one woman, and be a disaster for another. And as a patient, you have every right to ask questions and be proactive in your treatment. I have learned so much during this process and view the medical establishment so differently now. Unfortunately, the baby business is a difficult area to practice medicine, because while you are treating a disease --- infertility --- you are also promising to deliver a product (a baby). Those two objectives require a doctor that is not only skilled, but compassionate and ego-less. And unfortuantely, not a lot of doctors possess all three of those qualities. I am so sorry you had a doctor that lacked those skills.

I know you will be a great mommy, Kari. You are loving and supportive and you and DH have made a reasoned and pragmatic decision regarding moving forward with adoption. I'm sorry that your doctor could not be supportive and loving to you as you start on this path.

Kari, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers always.
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  #3  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:13 AM
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Thank you Addie. I think the worst part about it is that he was able to make me feel like I was a bad person. It just feels crappy when someone can make you feel that way.

I appreciate knowing that someone understands where I'm coming from. And that maybe I wasn't in the wrong.
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  #4  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:14 AM
Angel_Maker
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HOLY CRAP!!!! That is just awful I'm sad for you!!!!! Your RE should NOT speak to you as if he's all high and mighty and knows better than you do (even if that's what he thinks, how DARE he speak it) You are a human being, entitled to your feelings, and DEFINITELY entitled to ask questions when it comes to YOUR CARE!!

I'm a smart *****, so IF my RE ever stated that he was an "expert" in the field, then I would QUICKLY reply, "So where's my baby Mr. Expert??" UGH!! What a RUDE and HEARTLESS person he must be!!!! I think this is the perfect time for you to move forward with adoption......that man DEFINITELY does not deserve anymore of your money and I wouldn't even give him the "pleasure" of being the RE that leads you to your

I'm so sorry you had to deal with his crap!!!! Is that his practice???? If not, I would write a letter to who ever is "above" him and complain about his bedside manner and lack of compassion. What a scumbag.....I want to slap him.....

BTW, I know it's too late now, but I would've NEVER apologized.....you did NOTHING wrong......TRUST ME.....
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  #5  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:15 AM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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WOW! If it makes you feel better, which I am sure it won't, I have been dumped by a doctor before too. I think getting good care is a two way street. You should be able to communicate your concerns without him being overly defensive. I wouldn't put up with anyone that treated me like that.

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  #6  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:16 AM
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Thanks Brandi... I love having girls like you in my corner!
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  #7  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:32 AM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I am in agreement with Addie & Brandi- there's no way you did ANYTHING to deserve that kind of reaction from your doctor. That's seriously messed up. There is NOTHING wrong with asking questions or making suggestions. My RE has been nothing but open to suggestions and working with me... and I think that's how all of them should be! It's YOUR body... HUGS HUGS HUGS
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  #8  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:38 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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OH Kari, that is horrible! I agree you should be able to question things and ask why certain things are done. Of course we have tons of questions about what is going on and second guess and question if certain protocols are the right things to do. He sounds egotistical. We are our only advocate and you did what you felt was in the best interest for your family, you are not doing anything wrong or anything any one of us wouldn't have done too. I have a feeling my file is red flagged like crazy at the doctors office...
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  #9  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:44 AM
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((hugs)) I'm sorry you were treated like that Kari.. that's just appalling.. seriously.. I really can't believe your RE.. You have every right to ask questions and question things if you aren't comfortable.. what a *******.. I'm sorry.
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  #10  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:50 AM
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What a jerk! I guess he'd rather have patients that he can preach to and walk all over?!?

I'm so sorry you had to go through that Kari. You are one of the nicest people I have ever "met," and he had no right to make you feel like you were an inconvenience to him or his staff. He should have been grateful that you were being proactive and involved in your treatment plan!

(((HUGS))) I hope that from now on you only have the nicest, most caring people to work with as you go through the adoption process
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  #11  
December 22nd, 2009, 09:57 AM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
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wow! thats insane..what kind of dr does that? You are always supposed to be able to ask questions! The journey to parenthood is already tough enough for you and he should know that..so why would he be soo cruel? im sorry you had to go through that! i wish you the best of luck finding a new RE when you decide to and tons of dust down the adoption road! Hugs..hope you feel better soon!
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  #12  
December 22nd, 2009, 11:30 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Oh, Kari. He's the @ss and you are lucky to be rid of him. It may not be the way you wanted to have it end, but apparently he is not willing to work with you and the same old protocol may not be what you need, and his lack of confidence is showing through because he refuses to answer your questions (he doesn't have answers). So, instead of admitting that he is not sure what is a better protocol, he snapped at you and basically pushed you out the door because he does not know how to manage your case, and god forbid, this makes him look "bad".

You deserve someone who is fighting for you, not with you. Someone who will answer your every question and do so with a zest for your knowledge.

In your adoption and later the TTCMA process, I hope you have good people in your corner who are willing to try anything to get you the great results you deserve!
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  #13  
December 22nd, 2009, 11:34 AM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pattyandthemoos View Post
WOW! If it makes you feel better, which I am sure it won't, I have been dumped by a doctor before too. I think getting good care is a two way street. You should be able to communicate your concerns without him being overly defensive. I wouldn't put up with anyone that treated me like that.

I'm in agree-ance with Patty! I have been formally kicked out of an office....they sent me a certified letter stating that I was no longer allowed at their practice. I won't go into the whole story, but a contributing factor to me leaving their practice was an argument that I had with the doctor about getting a second opinion. When I suggested the second opinion, all he could talk about was me not trusting him in which I did tell him that I had my doubts. My second opinion found and solved my problem and I haven't had any problems since then, which has been about 8 years now!

Since leaving his office, I've met a handful of ladies that had problems with him and his office. And the doctor who did my IUI (she does not do obstetrics) does not refer OB patients to him because of complaints she and her partner have received about his office.

So, I'd take it as a blessing!
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  #14  
December 22nd, 2009, 11:34 AM
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Thank you all so much for being there for me. I really needed to know that I'm not a crazy out-of-line lunatic here. You are all such a HUGE support system for me... I can't even begin to express how much it means to me!
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  #15  
December 22nd, 2009, 12:08 PM
jamie7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh Kari! I am so sorry that you were treated this way! Not that TTCMA is an emotional roller coaster all by itself but now your RE is being an a** on top of it, ugh! You have every right to know what is going on it's your body that you are putting the pills/ injections into!!!!! I hope when your ready you find a kick a** RE that is into hearing what you say and doesn't mind answering questions!
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  #16  
December 22nd, 2009, 12:29 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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I left a GYN for something similar. He decided to diagnose me as having a miscarriage OVER THE PHONE and when I demanded to be seen he got all huffy about it. (it wasn't a miscarriage btw, I had PCOS and this was a weird cycle but he missed the PCOS diagnosis because he was too busy to ever see me).

You didn't do ANYTHING wrong by taking charge of your own health, it's not 1950 you have the right to be involved!!!
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  #17  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:03 PM
frankie's Avatar Proud Mommy
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As I read this My mouth just stayed opened.. Seriously that dr is BEYOND RUDE!! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! it is your body and your money you are sinking into ttcma and he has no right to judge you or get mad that you asked questions.. I ask questions about EVERYTHING.. You did nothing wrong.. The profession he took on is a difficult one.. BUT its harder on us woman trying to understand why its just not working.. so it is THERE job to try and have us understand.. there are Thousands of different option you can try when ttcma and if you have questions THEN YOU SHOULD ASK THEM!

I am happy you are not going to go back to them.. I hope your adoption process goes easy and fast.. and when you do try again i hope you have a caring understanding dr that is there to HELP you...think he was a horrible dr.

Maybe he took it so personal because u knew more then he knew... and the hell with saying sorry to him he even though u did he should kiss your @ss
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  #18  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:22 PM
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Oh wow! That's horrible! Sounds like he's a control freak with ego issues You would think someone specializing in infertility would have a bit more sensitivity. I completely agree with being your own advocate and a good doctor would be ok with that and not threatened by it. Is there anyone else in your area you can see when you decide to pursue m/a again?
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  #19  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by scubagirl80 View Post
Is there anyone else in your area you can see when you decide to pursue m/a again?
Yes there are other RE's that are in my area (at least an hour and half away) but still reasonably close. After we finish with our adoption journey we'll start our search for a new RE. Right now, I'm happy to have a complete and total break from anything that has to do with MA.

I did place a call into my OB to see if she will see me if AF doesn't show up soon. Yep, she is still no where in sight. A digi this morning was still negative. I think I'm just stressed. I also need her to keep prescribing the Met so I won't have to go on BCP. We still would be beyond thrilled if my some chance God were to bless us with a natural pregnancy and if I have to be on the pill there is no chance of that happening. Hopefully she will agree to that.
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  #20  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:23 PM
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UGH. What a JERK!!!!
Seriously, Kari, you didn't do ANYTHING wrong! Everyone else has already said it---your body, your treatment, your money! You have EVERY right to ask questions and to want understanding and input regarding your care. I second Brandi btw. If this RE is such an "expert in his field" then WHY doesn't he just snap his fingers and get your your ????

I say good riddance!
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