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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:49 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,149
So now that the codeine has worn off, the pain has set in. The emotional as well as physical. And basically I'm having a big pity party for myself. What rotten luck. I mean really, the four cell embryo should never have implanted anyway, but it does, just in the wrong fricken place. What are the odds of that? My RE has not called me back since Friday -- which has me over the top angry. He didn't even return the ERs pages when they were trying to determine the dose of methotrexate I was given. My fricken hair is falling out in little clumps along my nape and ears. Another wonderful side effect of the metho, which apparently means I am getting every side effect, including mouth sores. I look and feel like hell.

And my new RE confirmed that I can't start trying for six months. Something that no one at my old RE even mentioned prior to the shot. I wouldn't have had the shot if I had known this. I would have just had them remove the useless tube. Which means no baby in 2010. I just want to scream.

So I'm having a horribly bad pity party for myself right now. I think it doesn't help that I've been alone all day in the house, with just my dog at my side. DH couldn't get out of his shift at work. So I'm here, dwelling in how every thing went wrong. It's unbelievable. I feel like my life is suddenly divided in to two very different perspectives: pre and post u/s. Everything since the moment the wand went over my stomach and I saw that empty uterus has been horrific.

I'm sorry to vent. The hair thing is really pushing me over the edge.
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September 2009 IVF - BFN; November IVF -Ec topic Pregnancy; May 2010- IVF cycle- BFN,
July 2010 IVF cycle: BFP - m/c induced at 8 weeks because of no heartbeat
March 2011 IVF: BFP!!!
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  #2  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:54 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
I really, really, REALLY wish I could give you one of these in person! You don't deserve any of this!!!! It's just absolutely horrifying for me think of the roller coaster you have been on. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of it.

If you ever, ever, ever, need someone to talk to just let me know! I'm a PM/email/phone call away! Anytime!!!!
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  #3  
December 22nd, 2009, 01:59 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,149
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kari_B View Post
I really, really, REALLY wish I could give you one of these in person! You don't deserve any of this!!!! It's just absolutely horrifying for me think of the roller coaster you have been on. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of it.

If you ever, ever, ever, need someone to talk to just let me know! I'm a PM/email/phone call away! Anytime!!!!
Thanks Kari. I really appreciate that. I just feel so sad right now. I want to crawl under the covers and never come out. Everything just came crashing down on me all of a sudden. I guess that's how grief and mourning are. It just hits you. Ack. I feel so empty.
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September 2009 IVF - BFN; November IVF -Ec topic Pregnancy; May 2010- IVF cycle- BFN,
July 2010 IVF cycle: BFP - m/c induced at 8 weeks because of no heartbeat
March 2011 IVF: BFP!!!
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  #4  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:06 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
My heart is breaking for you Addie. I wish there were words I could say to take your pain and grief away. All I can do is offer my unconditional love and support. You are always in my prayers!!!!!!
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  #5  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:30 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
Addie! I am SO terribly sorry. I wish I could say something more than that to convey just how sad I am for you. You just don't deserve any of this. I wish I could re-write your story for you with a happy ending. This certainly isn't the ending ANY of us wanted for you.

I'm praying for you. (((HUGS)))

I'm here for you!
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Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
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  #6  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:37 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: somewhere over the rainbow
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Oh Addie, I cant believe all the crap that has happened to you. Its not freaking fair and it is rotten luck.

Are you sure you cant try before 6mths? I only ask because I kept in touch with a woman who used the same RE as me...she was always getting ectopic pregnancies and getting the meth shot..she would cycle as soon as her beta's went down.
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  #7  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:38 PM
Angel_Maker
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I'm so so sooooo sorry hunnie!! NO ONE deserves what you've been through, and you've been such a trooper through it all....That totally sucks about not being able to try for 6 months because of the shot...That's something they should've told you!!!! I'm so sorry. I wish I had the words.....but I know that there are none..... Just know that we are all here for you and you are definitely in my prayers.....
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  #8  
December 22nd, 2009, 02:51 PM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 837
OH Addie, my heart just breaks for you. There are no words to say how sorry I am you are dealing with something no person should have to go through. So hard to not be able to try for six months on top of that.

:d othug:
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  #9  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:08 PM
Jessie0505's Avatar Finally a Mommy!
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Japan
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oh hun! im soo sorry! Hugs! i really wish i knew what to say! i hope you feel better!
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  #10  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:11 PM
frankie's Avatar Proud Mommy
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Awww Addie You have Definantly had a horrible month.. My heart breaks for you.. Keep on venting because holding in the pain just makes it that much harder!!!
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trying for~~~Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dream closer~~~~ Marcia Wieder
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  #11  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:24 PM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
Oh, Addie! I looked up a couple things, and it sounds like there's truly some leniency and wiggle room. While they are not docs, there are some responses from women who've gone through EP's and this is what they said in a forum with the same question:

"I had two shots of MTX and was told to wait three months. The MTX depletes all your folic acid. Also, it gives your body time to recover. My numbers were in the 900s and it took me about five weeks to drop to 0. The numbers are supposed to drop in half, I believe every 48 hours. "

"I have had several ectopics. After surgery, I was told to wait at least 3 months. After MTX, I was told to wait 6. My numbers never got over 146, but it still took me 5 weeks to be at absolute zero. I think I hovered in the teens somewhere for a while... You'll definitely be following up with your doc, so depending on how fast you drop, he/she may say you could try a bit earlier. I actually was really upset about needing MTX and checked with another doc that I knew before getting the injection... He told me I could try in as soon as 4 weeks, but understood why my regular OB/GYN said to wait 6. I know that probably doesn't help much, but there is some room for discretion on the doctor's part."

It sounds like there are some differences of opinion in this, and your RE may be pretty conservative in suggesting 6 months. Since you'll be working with him, this is sad that he wants to wait so long, but maybe in a couple months, you can re-address the issue and see if you can try again after 3 months instead of 6...

I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart breaks for you. Please know we are here for you!
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  #12  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:24 PM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 61,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by *CAMM* View Post
Oh Addie, I cant believe all the crap that has happened to you. Its not freaking fair and it is rotten luck.

Are you sure you cant try before 6mths? I only ask because I kept in touch with a woman who used the same RE as me...she was always getting ectopic pregnancies and getting the meth shot..she would cycle as soon as her beta's went down.
I have had two ectopics myself. My first was treated with methotrexate. I had to go back in and have my hCG checked until it went down to zero but I was never told I had to wait six months. I think I was told to wait out a couple cycles just like they would tell you if you had a miscarriage.

I can't believe they wouldn't have informed you of this first.
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  #13  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:30 PM
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My new RE said that normally he'd require three full cycles after I get AF this time, which should occur in 5 weeks. My normal cycles are 36-40 days. But, because of the reaction my body had to the methotrexate, he said he would strongly advise that I waited six months, regardless of how many cycles that had been. I know that different REs vary, but he is basing this on looking at my hospital records from this weekend. The medicine reaked havoc on my body. I have to even watch how much potassium I eat because of my kidneys. My HAIR IS FALLING OUT. I'm not having the normal reaction.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting more upset by typing. I really appreciate all of your support and I'm sorry if I sound like I'm just whining. I just feel so defeated. I want to throw up my hands and so "fine universe! You win! I won't have a baby! I get it! You win!"
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September 2009 IVF - BFN; November IVF -Ec topic Pregnancy; May 2010- IVF cycle- BFN,
July 2010 IVF cycle: BFP - m/c induced at 8 weeks because of no heartbeat
March 2011 IVF: BFP!!!
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  #14  
December 22nd, 2009, 03:36 PM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 61,535
Quote:
Originally Posted by yarngirl View Post
My new RE said that normally he'd require three full cycles after I get AF this time, which should occur in 5 weeks. My normal cycles are 36-40 days. But, because of the reaction my body had to the methotrexate, he said he would strongly advise that I waited six months, regardless of how many cycles that had been. I know that different REs vary, but he is basing this on looking at my hospital records from this weekend. The medicine reaked havoc on my body. I have to even watch how much potassium I eat because of my kidneys. My HAIR IS FALLING OUT. I'm not having the normal reaction.

I'm sorry, I'm just getting more upset by typing. I really appreciate all of your support and I'm sorry if I sound like I'm just whining. I just feel so defeated. I want to throw up my hands and so "fine universe! You win! I won't have a baby! I get it! You win!"
I wish I could say something to make things easier for you. You have had very rotten luck and have every right to feel the way you do.

You definitely do NOT sound like you are whining. You are grieving and we are all here to support you.

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  #15  
December 22nd, 2009, 04:29 PM
Kellica's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: New Jersey
Posts: 945
I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you. I hope you call your old RE and give him a mouthful! What he did by not telling you about the metho is just wrong and to boot not even calling to see how you are doing. I'm glad you have found another RE. Maybe when you have your consult with the new RE in January he will say differently about the 6 mos. I will keep praying that things will work out better for you the next time and that you don't have to wait 6 mos. Again, I am so very sorry. I know and feel your pain.
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  #16  
December 22nd, 2009, 04:54 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Quote:
Originally Posted by yarngirl View Post
I'm sorry, I'm just getting more upset by typing. I really appreciate all of your support and I'm sorry if I sound like I'm just whining. I just feel so defeated. I want to throw up my hands and so "fine universe! You win! I won't have a baby! I get it! You win!"
You are not whining. You experienced pregnancy loss, your reaction is completely normal. I had the same exact thoughts when I lost my first pregnancy. I had to wait 3 months minimum before trying again so we wouldn't lose the next pregnancy too. I came <this> close to giving up. I'm glad I didn't.

You absolutely deserve to feel the way you feel, don't let anyone try and force you to put on a smile while you go through this. If you are feeling up to it, come visit me and the other girls on the pregnancy loss board, you may find some support there.

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  #17  
December 22nd, 2009, 05:59 PM
Sarah:Marie:IVF:Mommy's Avatar Proud mom of Leiland
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omg sweetie I am so sorry. I can't believe you have to wait that long. That just blows. Are you going to do the same treatment when the time comes?

AS for the loss and the mental part of it, my mc was pretty traumatic. I was losing a lot of blood, lost the baby in the toilet, then had a nurse who couldn't speak English poll me off and it automatically flushed and the baby was gone. I was in the hospital till the next day and I felt fine, till I left, then the pain and cramping was HORRIBLE. Not to mention DH and I were still getting to know each other because this was an accident the first month we had sex. So I was distraught and we didn't know how to deal together. I was off work for 3 weeks, which for the military is a REALLY LONG TIME.

If you need to talk I am here for you. just pm or email me.
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  #18  
December 22nd, 2009, 06:17 PM
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: The Land of Infertility
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I'm so so sorry, Addie. I really wish this didn't happen and that you could move on...... Sending lots of internet hugs to you.
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Our TTC journey: 6 cycles Clomid, lap surgery/ D&C, IUI, 2 x IVF; 33 cycles- BFN.
IVF#1 (March 2010) Transferred two 8-cell grade A (perfect) embies- BFN and heartbroken.

IVF#2/FET#1 (Jan/Feb 2011):Transferred two (7&8 cell) grade A (PERFECT) embies- BFN again.
March 2011- February 2012: On BCP due to endometriosis.

March 2012- taking a few months off of BCP and we are TTC naturally.
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  #19  
December 22nd, 2009, 07:15 PM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't even imagine.....I would probably freak about my hair too HUGS!!!
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  #20  
December 23rd, 2009, 06:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,149
Thank you all so much. I'm feeling a little better today. DH is home today and so I think having him around will prevent me from wallowing. A friend is also coming over to hang out. I really appreciate everyone's kindness towards me. It means so much
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September 2009 IVF - BFN; November IVF -Ec topic Pregnancy; May 2010- IVF cycle- BFN,
July 2010 IVF cycle: BFP - m/c induced at 8 weeks because of no heartbeat
March 2011 IVF: BFP!!!
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