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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
February 17th, 2010, 03:38 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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Do you find yourself constantly compelled to tell people that you had to struggle for your pregnancy/child? I'm so worried about someone thinking that I'm just another blissful, ignorant, got-pregnant-on-my-first-month-off-BCP pregnant woman, that I find myself telling everyone (the checker at Walmart, my hairdresser, the girl who does my nails, random strangers, etc.) that we had fertility problems. Does anyone else do this?
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  #2  
February 17th, 2010, 03:42 PM
Kobain's Mommy's Avatar Future A&M Aggies Mommy
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I do if people ask. At work most know the whole struggle, especially the loss of the twins since I was out for a week.
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  #3  
February 17th, 2010, 03:45 PM
Celry's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I tell people. Since I have twins, lots of people out right ask. I don't midn though because I don't think fertility issues should be taboo to talk about.
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  #4  
February 17th, 2010, 04:01 PM
tabbymichelle's Avatar GO BUCKEYES!!! O-H-I-O!
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I am not a grad.. yet, but I often think about how I may react to things once I am. Everyone around me knows the road we've been down, though sometimes I wonder if they even know what the difference is. Some people are just blind to how much infertility affects a person and are insensitive even if they don't mean to be. I am sure once we get pregnant I will be shouting it from rooftops so I won't have to worry whether people know my story anyway lol
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  #5  
February 17th, 2010, 04:11 PM
Daisee37's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, I'm sort of a grad ( I have a son, and we're TTC#2). I didn't necessarily tell everyone, but I did make a point of telling more people. The thing is, infertility is SO common, and no one ever talks about it. I didn't know anyone going through it when I was, and I felt really alone (except for these JM message boards!). I kinda wanted to get it out there, that way if any of our friends ever has issues, they know they can talk to us about it. So I don't really tell strangers, but all our friends and family know. But I didn't talk about it until after we had our son. Now I'm a lot more open about it... if appropriate, I'll mention it to near-strangers (for example, a law professor I have). When I told the woman I'm working for about it, she actually told me she conceived her sons through the same clinic I'm going to... so it's a small world I guess.
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  #6  
February 17th, 2010, 05:35 PM
jmichelle77's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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After trying for 10 YEARS....I tell everyone who looks our way! I shout it from the rooftops!! LOL!
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  #7  
February 17th, 2010, 05:41 PM
*CAMM*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Im an open book so pretty much everyone already knows from my hair dresser to my grandpa =)

Like you I didnt want anyone to think I was a normal pregnant lady..I wanted people to know how hard I worked for that belly!
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  #8  
February 17th, 2010, 05:43 PM
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When I start talking openly about our pregnancy, then I'm sure I will mention it....I do feel compelled to "make sure" people are aware of infertility and how painful it is.....oh what I wouldn't give to be that naive first timer who has NO CLUE how short lived her "perfect pregnancy" could be.....
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  #9  
February 17th, 2010, 05:59 PM
KMH KMH is offline
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I guess you are right...part of it is that I don't want infertility to be something that people are embarassed to talk about. I feel like if I am open about it, maybe I will inspire someone who is also struggling.

Once again, you have made me feel normal. Thanks, girls
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  #10  
February 17th, 2010, 06:14 PM
alicenwonderland's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If people ask, I will say something. I think it's sort of awkward to bring it up out of the blue with strangers. Everyone I care about already knows how long we waited for this.
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  #11  
February 17th, 2010, 06:19 PM
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I feel like I want everyone to know that we had to use a sperm donor. Especially when people tell us she looks like my dh (which happens at least once everytime I leave the house and on quite a few pictures on facebook)


I don't like people to think we're just the average married couple who did it and got pregnant.

I'm the same way with my c-sections though. I hate people thinking I pushed the girls out.


It's not really the kind of thing you share with strangers so I bite my tongue.
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  #12  
February 17th, 2010, 06:19 PM
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If it comes up naturally in conversation, I am more than open to being very frank about our struggle. I felt so alone and embarrassed and ashamed while I was struggling with it, I just want others to understand that infertility can impact a person's whole life. Or, if someone is struggling with it, I don't want them to feel embarrassed or ashamed. I want them to know that it is common and there are many women who struggle and are successful. I think more people should talk about infertility. Part of the reason it's so scary is because no one talks about it...
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  #13  
February 17th, 2010, 06:22 PM
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I agree with Amanda and I think it goes for male factor infertility as well. It's kind of like you aren't a "real man" if you can't get your wife pregnant and I wish that it wasn't that way. If more men opened up about it then it wouldn't be that way.
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  #14  
February 17th, 2010, 06:23 PM
bcowley's Avatar Veteran
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I don't bring it up out of the blue but I'm not shy to talk about our fertility struggles. I'm not ashame to tell people our story. I think infertilty should not be a taboo subject. You never know when someone else is suffering with fertility issues and can learn from our experiences.
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  #15  
February 17th, 2010, 06:25 PM
MommaLee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't share. I consider that our personal information and I'm a very very private person.
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  #16  
February 17th, 2010, 07:07 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Honestly, I'm more likely to talk about being high risk than having had fertility struggles, particularly to strangers, but everyone who knows me knows we did IUI, and I often joke about how while most of my friends got knocked up while drunk on a national holiday, I made my kid in a doctor's office with a third party present!!
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  #17  
February 18th, 2010, 10:09 AM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't tell anyone IRL anymore, only if they start doing the math and asking why I have three adopted kids I tell infertile moms to give them hope, but the easy to get pg public don't really care anyhow.
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