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Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
February 26th, 2010, 07:23 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
UGHHHH. In March, my whole family (and I do mean WHOLE, as in mom, grandparents, cousins, second cousins, etc.) spend time in the Carribbean. (My grandparents have a place there.)

Ok, so I have this one cousin who...how can I put this...kind of irritates me!

She is in her mid-to-late 30s, and she and her DH have a 4 yr old boy. He has some medical problems as a result of a congenital issue---he is doing really well now, and he mostly struggles with some speech delays, and he needs minor physical therapy, but honestly, he goes to preschool and if you didn't KNOW he has some issues, he looks and sounds like a typical 4 yr old! I think the early intervention has made all the difference for him.

Ok, well, his mom (my cousin) has been REALLY hyper-focused on him--she has created a foundation to benefit him, etc. In general--she is attentive and loving but I will say, she is kind of self-absorbed. She is constantly sending out emails about this and that---come to this benefit, donate this, raise awareness, etc. but I kind of get the idea she somewhat likes the attention. EVERY TIME we get the family together, she goes on and on and on about herself, and her son's med. issues, etc.

I hope I don't sound bad saying this...I don't think she is a BAD person by any means, but she is somewhat self-centered. IE---I went to her first wedding, her second wedding (to her current DH), to her baby shower for her son, and then I've been to 3 of her son's 4 birthday parties. NOW--when DH and I got married, not ONLY did she and her DH NOT come to our wedding, they did not even RSVP! They didn't send in the freakin' stamped-envelope reply card! AND they never even acknowledged the fact that we DID get married! No card, no gift, and not even a 'congratulations' when I spent time with them in Colorado TWO WEEKS after our wedding! (My grandparents also have a place in CO, and the whole fam. spends time there every fall.)

ANYWAY--not three months ago, she was writing on her caringbridge page about how she and her DH wish they could have another but they feel their focus needs to be on their son and that is that---no more kids for them.

Well....of course...

SHE'S PREGNANT. My grandma told me the happy news the other night!

It just kills me. I don't get it. I mean, it's not that they will be bad parents, or that they don't deserve this...but geez....3 months ago they weren't going to try, and then somewhere in that time frame, they obviously decided TO try and SNAP, they're pregnant.

I am not looking forward to spending time with her in March! I just know how she is and it will be "look at my u/s pics' here and "oh, I'm so sick, feel sorry for me' there and on and on and on.... I am afraid I might flip out on her!
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Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
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Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
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  #2  
February 26th, 2010, 07:44 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 837
I'll flip out for you... man people drive me crazy. She sounds a bit obsessive. If she dotes (sp) on the one child this bad what will she do with two! I feel for you. I find myself just sheltering from anyone and everyone if it is related to pg. Just don't want to deal with it. That is horrible she doesn't even recognize your marriage, she sounds very self absorbed with her own world. I don't like hanging around people like that either. Can you separate yourself from her on the trip? or have talking to her and tell her how you feel... I hate brining that kind of stuff up so I understand it is hard. She will probably go on and on about her pg and I know how hard that is to listen to and deal with. Spend more time with your DH and kids on the trip vs the whole group if you can. ((((hugs)))) why do things have to get so complicated???
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  #3  
February 26th, 2010, 07:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
Quote:
If she dotes (sp) on the one child this bad what will she do with two
My mom and I have talked about this before and we both have said that in the past that she needs to have another! Her little boy is actually 4.5 now, and she still FEEDS HIM. It cracks me up b/c anytime we are together for the holidays or family gatherings, etc. he runs around during meal-time and then she complains "oh, I can't get the boy to eat' as she shoves a bite in his mouth as he runs by the table. I always think to myself "well, GEE, if maybe you would actually make him SIT at the table" he might eat!

She is the type that brings an entire photo album of pics of her son to share with people---not just a couple pics! REALLY annoying.
__________________
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

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  #4  
February 26th, 2010, 08:16 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CO
Posts: 18,447
OH, Jordan! I'm so sorry. This woman sounds like she's inviting trouble when these kids are older. I just can't imagine what she's going to be like when this boy's in high school and receives his first "non-A" grade, it'll probably be the teacher's fault. What will she do when he doesn't get accepted into Harvard? Oh, she'll call them and want to chew the ear off of the chacellor... Good God. Hellicopter parents do their children a disservice.

The fact that she's pregnant. Ug. Maybe you can avoid her a bit more in March. Tell your DH that you need to come up with some ways to stay out of her way. Your mom may help you with this avoidance. If she does start talking about herself, you can just chime in and start up on your own story. If she doesn't like being interrupted, she'll go elsewhere and bore someone else
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  #5  
February 26th, 2010, 08:18 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
I hope the trip goes better than you think it will! I totally understand where you are coming from with the selfish people thing... I feel like I have a few of those in my life right now and have kinda cut myself off from them. But they aren't family so it makes it a bit easier.

Good luck!!
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  #6  
February 26th, 2010, 08:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
Kari, she is def. the kind of person that---if she weren't family--I would never voluntarily spend time with.

She has a caringbridge journal about her son and it is always "oh, he is such a miracle child, he touches the lives of everyone he meets, he is everyone's hero and inspiration...." What makes it worse to me are the religious undertones. She is always talking about how God put her son here on earth to inspire others, and to be bring happiness to everyone...she even said at one point that during her pregnancy, she jsut KNEW her child was going to be special.

GAG ME. EVERY CHILD is special and EVERY MOTHER feels like that. That's what mamas are for!

I feel like she twists her faith and on some level acts like she thinks her child is more special than anybody else.

I will say, too...what gets me...and I do not want to be too specific on here, but the medical issue her son faced is generally A LOT more serious. There are many, many kids who have had it who are in wheelchairs, and some are even paralyzed! Many of them do not and will never walk or even talk.

Her son is 4.5 and he walks, runs, talks like a typical child---occasionally, he stutters, and I guess he was speech-delayed initially, but that's pretty much the extent of it. I just have to wonder how the OTHER mothers whose kids have SERIOUS problems resulting from this condition feel.
__________________
Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

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  #7  
February 26th, 2010, 08:45 AM
KMH KMH is offline
TTCMA Cheer Captain
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
Posts: 19,194
Ugh, I'm so sorry you have a relative like that to deal with on your trip. She sounds like the kind of person I'd have to strangle if I had to be around her If it were me I'd just try and avoid her as much as possible and enjoy my vacation. If she asks why you aren't hanging out with her, you can just be honest and hope she'll at least tone it down around you.

Good luck...I hope that your tropical getaway is fabulous despite your cousin!
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IVF babies Claire (4), Abigail (2) and George (2)

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  #8  
February 26th, 2010, 08:49 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 837
Bring a HUGE scrapbook of your kids with tons of photos etc, home videos, cute things the kids made and top all the junk she does... It will be a good laugh for you at least even if she doesn't get it!
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  #9  
February 26th, 2010, 08:56 AM
Kholmes's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,878
Ugh, that is crazy! I have a friend with a VERY similar situation right now. Their third child was recently diagnosed with Downsyndrome and for the last year have obsessed about him, his needs, completely ignored the other two children and are now in the process of adopting another baby with downs from China. Of course everybody and their mother/brother/sister/friend are receiving these emails asking for money and charity handouts because they can't even afford the adoption. These people are sooooooooooooooooo self-centered. Seriously?

I'm sooooo sorry that you had to hear of her pregnancy right now. I completely understand how hearing about a pregnancy when you've been TTC breaks your heart. Hang in there......have some wine or tequila and focus on the amazing parts of your life for a day or two. Keep your chin up, and good luck sweetie TTC!
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  #10  
February 26th, 2010, 09:27 AM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 33
Hopefully you won't have to spend a lot of time with her. Hopefully the trip will end up being more fun than annoying! Although I have to say, she sounds really annoying!!
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