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Interesting situation...adoption related


Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance

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  #1  
March 7th, 2010, 01:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,292
Ok, bear with me....this might be kind of confusing.

My grandparents are both 89. They are in FABULOUS health, still travel all the time, are totally independant, etc.

Ok, so my mom is 62. Back when she was in college, my grandparents hosted a German exhange student. He was 15 when he came over and he stayed for the entire summer. My grandparents adored him and he became like a surrogate son for them. They always stayed in touch and eventually when he got married, he and his wife would come to the US every couple of years to visit his "American parents."

He and his wife had two girls, who are now 15 and 11. (He and his wife divorced about 5 years ago, and HE has been the primary custodial parent of the girls, as his wife moved about 3 hrs away.)

My grandparents love these girls and treat them as grandchildren.

My grandparents are extremely family-oriented, generous people. They have a place in the Carribbean and every Feb/March/April, they invite the WHOLE family down---kids, grandkids, neices/nephews, cousins, and our German friends. My grandparents pay for EVERYTHING from airline tix to renting extra condos to food to rental cars. It is the SWEETEST thing and it means so much to everyone..this has been going on for 25 years!

So the German friends are there for 2 weeks every year. Their spring break always falls before ours, so we usually overlap by a few days. It's always a nice visit.

So the girls and their dad got down their two days ago. My grandma called MY mom with some *interesting news.* The 15 yr old is PREGNANT. She is 4 months along (I think?) and her dad was so distraught/upset/shocked over the news that he couldn't bring himself to tell my grandparents over the phone. The week before the trip he told them he had something to tell them that would be easier in person. (My grandma immediately suspected his older daughter was pregnant, as last year, he was telling my grandma that she was dating a 19 yr old guy and he wasn't pleased about it.)

Sooooooooo.....my grandma told my mom that yes, she IS pregnant, and as of thus far, she is NOT planning on keeping the baby. She is looking into adoption.

I haven't heard ANY more details, nor do I know anything about GErman law, or what the dad-to-be would say, if anything. So of course, knowing our situation, my grandma immediately told her that DH & I have been TTC for 2 plus years and are starting the adoption processs....and this girl (I don't feel comfortable using her name) said she would love to talk to us when we are down there next week!!!!!

AUUGHH.

I'm not holding my breath, that's for sure. A LOT could change in 5 months, this I know. I don't know what the dad's parents think, or what this girl's MOM thinks....who knows what kind of pressure she will get to keep the baby...maybe SHE will want to of her own accord.

But wow.

I am calling our social worker tomorrow and finding out how we would proceed. I know we still need to complete a homestudy regardless, sooo....
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  #2  
March 7th, 2010, 01:28 PM
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Wow! Sounds like a wonderful opportunity might be falling right into your lap! I'll keep my fingers crossed that whatever you decide works out for you.
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  #3  
March 7th, 2010, 01:57 PM
Just_Marie's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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wow, good luck! It might be nice if she could deliver in the same state/country where you live...
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  #4  
March 7th, 2010, 04:18 PM
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Quote:
It might be nice if she could deliver in the same state/country where you live.
I thought about that. (HA, I'm not getting ahead of myself at all, huh? )

The problem is, she lives in Hamburg, Germany and we live in St. Louis, MO. I'm nto sure how she could deliver in the states with insurance and all. I know the German healthcare system is totally different from the US. Plus, her whole family (mom, dad, sister, grandparents, etc.) is in Germany, and I'm sure she'd need their support.

I think all in all (if this even happens!) it would be easier for DH & I to go to HER.
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Married with two awesome 7 year olds, we're TTC with unexplained infertility.
Thank you sophiasmomma for my beautiful siggy!
Nov/Dec Follistim cycle = BFP, chemical pregnancy
Dec/Jan TTC naturally after m/c, BFN
Jan 2010 2nd round of Follistim

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  #5  
March 7th, 2010, 04:39 PM
Kary♥RN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I can't wait to hear how the visit goes!!!! That is great!!!
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  #6  
March 7th, 2010, 05:00 PM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was actually placed in a pretty similar situation about a year ago, a friend of the family had a daughter who was pregnant, wanted to go to college, and was pregnant at 16.

The family was healthy, daughter not on drugs, baby would have been very healthy (as far as we knew) and it seemed almost perfect. Another family member had adopted this way, and it actually was pretty perfect. All went well, it didn't cost a large sum of money and there was previous ties to the mother before the baby was adopted, allowing for some discussion time between the actual families.

I even remember titleing my thread exactly the same way, and I swear I knew what this was before I opened it! So all that being said, you may decide that this family is too close to adopt, as you may be uncomfortable later seeing the birth mom, or feeling wierd about the boundaries or expectations there.

OR you may love it. You may love having this shared experience, and knowing that you helped someone you actually know.

I just know similarly what this situation feels like, especially when it's kinda thrust in your lap.
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  #7  
March 7th, 2010, 08:50 PM
ttcmymiracle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sounds like it might wrk out perfectly!! Good luck and i cant wait to hear how everything works out!!
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  #8  
March 8th, 2010, 05:48 AM
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Can't wait to follow this story and see how things turn out!
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  #9  
March 8th, 2010, 08:10 AM
redbirds's Avatar Blessed Again!
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Location: CO
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OMG, Jordan!! I have goosebumps. WOw. I'm praying HARD for you that this is one of the many miracles that comes your way. I will try not to get too excited for you, but it sounds promising because of all the history between the families. Of course, the laws may be very difficult to work around, I don't know.... Praying it's meant to be for you!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #10  
March 8th, 2010, 08:19 AM
jamie7's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh I am so excited for you!!!!! I can't wait to see how your talk goes with her. I will be praying for you and the girl!!!!
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  #11  
March 8th, 2010, 10:53 AM
mom2myJo's's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Oregon
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Wow! I will pray for guidance for the next steps to go for you and the girl! can't wait to hear what happens!
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