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Arrgh! Can't decide!

Forum: Trying to Conceive with Medical Assistance


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July 21st, 2010, 04:57 PM
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DH and I aren't going to officially begin the adoption process until the end of the year, but we are trying to make some basic decisions, investigating agencies, domestic vs. international adoption, etc.

We just can't decide whether to adopt internationally or domestically.

The main reason we would go with domestic is that the process is somewhat faster, the price somewhat cheaper, and we could get a newborn ( I just really want at least one more baby in my lifetime). My main hesitation is the uncertainty. I've read that 30-50% of all domestic infant adoptions fail. I'm just not sure we want to go through that. I guess we could look at it as the same risk of having a miscarriage if we got pregnant...but it would be devastating.

International adoption mainly appeals to us b/c there is no chance of the birth-mom backing out. We also do like the idea of adopting a child who would otherwise grow up in horrible conditions. The cons are time, cost, and the fact that the child would be at least close to a year old. The country we are most strongly considering is Korea.

Ugh. Any thoughts? It seems like whenever we get close to deciding on one option or the other, someone brings up another issue we hadn't thought of. Any thoughts? I know most of you ladies on here are doing domestic adoption. What have your agencies told you about the risks of the birth-mom changing her mind? Do you get your money back if that happens. The one agency I asked about it said that you get matched with another birth-mom with no added expenses.
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July 21st, 2010, 08:12 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 8,103
We simply chose domestic adoption because it was less expensive than international. We couldn't afford to be away from work that long and the travel expenses would be very high.

With our agency, if the BM changes her mind after you take your baby home, you get put back at the top of the "list" and you don't pay any additional fees. Any money that was paid to the birthmom for expenses would not be refunded.

It's a tough choice, but when you know what is right for you, you'll just feel it!

Yet another wonderful siggy by HeatherW.... thank you so much!!!

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July 22nd, 2010, 08:25 AM
MommytoaMiracle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 10,571
There are alot of Pros & Cons there.
Personally, I think I would want to only adopt domestically, as I really want a newborn...If I can't have a baby on my own, I atleast want to experience watching the birth or getting him/her right after.
Although, it is scary to think that the BM could change her mind..That would be devastating.
I'm sure whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you!
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July 26th, 2010, 06:59 PM
angel3y35's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,810
Two of the ones we are considering can't legally refund all your money. You get a certain percentage back. Pretty much everything except the advertising money and any money given to the mother. The third one (which we're still leaning to) we don't have to worry about that because they don't let you know until the child is legally yours. It's a hard decision. Once you decide domestic or international, then you have to decide on an agency!

Thanks to :shortcake: for my siggy

Our adoption miracle born 12/31/13

06/2004 - Lap for endo and cysts
08/2006 - Lap for endo and cysts
02/2010 - Lap for endo, cysts, and hydrosalpinx repair
02/2011 - Lap for endo, cysts, and RSO
12/2011 - TAH and LSO
5/2012 - Lap for adhesions
4/2013 - Lap for adhesions
Stage IV endometriosis, sever adenomyosis, PCOS, IC
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July 27th, 2010, 01:14 PM
Sarah Marie's Avatar Mom to Leiland and Owen
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Middle TN, Born and raised in MI
Posts: 10,454
I personally think we will be doing domestic at this point. I even found a lawyer here who is pretty good and won't even take on a birth mother unless he is certain she is ready and prepared. His success rate of bringing you a baby within a year is pretty good too.
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August 4th, 2010, 09:03 AM
tawny63's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Pullman, WA
Posts: 731
I know I keep praising our chosen agency, but their "flip rate" is about 5% b/c they offer so much to the BM as far as counseling and screening. We went domestic b/c it's less expensive and less travel or time off from work.

Our agency credits your time back to you and no extra costs. So if we place with a BM at 20 weeks, she changes her mind at 35 weeks and wants to keep her baby, we get 15 weeks added to our contract.

TTC since 01/04
IUI 05/06 & 10/06 BFN
IUI 11/06 BFP!!! Labeled as chemical
12/06 clomid 50mg=INSANITY and OHSS
Decided to adopt 01/07
raced to the hospital to get our baby boy in August 2007, 12 days after we went "live" to adopt!
Mental break....ahhh. Mommy time....ahhhh. <3
Endometriosis surgery 01/16/09
Femara+IUI 03/09, 04/09, 05/09, 06/09 BFN's
07/09: mixture of acupuncture, herbs, hope, and prayers
09/2009~too much pain, had to go on BCP's.
06/10: Starting adoption process again!!!!!
10/13/10: Adoption paperwork done...now just pray and wait....
01/07/11 profiles turned into the adoption agency.
Matched April 1st, 2011 with a baby girl!
Cassidy born June 15, 2011

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